Bedtime Hell !

shortdog

My daughter went through the same phase a year or so ago - every time she came downstairs or I had to go up to her, she went to bed 10 minutes earlier the next night. One night she was sent to bed at 4.30 because of the previous nights carry on - absolute nightmare getting her fed and organised for bed that night lol! After about a fortnight, she started staying in bed quietly, and, while we have the occassional problem, she has settled a lot.

pink68

I'm afraid it is firmness and consistency that will win this battle OP. If you make a threat of a punishment you must follow it through. And just refuse to discuss things with the younger after bedtime.

Mine are 10 and 14 now and we have always said that after 8 or 9 oclock depending on their age it is OUR time. We dont want to see them or hear from them unless they're ill or its an emergency. If they cant remember to do their homework or record their programme before bedtime then that is their loss.

It might sound harsh but in reality its not, i've always been firm with my two and they have grown up into lovely adolescents (so far!) And they're definitely not allowed tv in their bedrooms. They have books and ipods. And if they're tired the next day because they stayed up too late in their rooms then again it's their problem. I'll sympathise but make it clear it was their choice to not get enough sleep.

It must be hard trying to sort this with another on the way so reassure them you love them but its for their own good. (and remind them children only actually grow when they're asleep!). I think split bedtimes would help, a bit of one-on-one then firmness.

Good luck!
xxx

theoldcynic

Pink_flower wrote: »

Thanks !,

Whilst its the younger one who is being a pain and in theory he should go to bed first and settle before the older, its the older child who sleeps more and I worry if we give them separate times I will be seen to be playing favourite with the older and push the younger further away if that makes sense ??

Whilst on paper it seems like 2 years difference, its actually 18 months so they have always been treated more like the same age.

I will consider this though, it might be something we introduce as an incentive for younger to show he can behave ???

Conversely it is likely that you will be seen to be playing the favourite to the younger child who is misbehaving in the eyes of your eldest.

It could appear to your eldest that you are rewarding bad behaviour and that you are working on an assumption that your eldest child will understand and tolerate this.

It appears that your youngest child in this situation has few incentives to behave, and it will be of no surprise to me if your tolerant eldest cottons on to this too and you might end up with two misbehaving children rather than one.

I think an 18 month age gap is an ample age gap to give your eldest some more rights as well as responsibilities than the youngest. IMO It is not fair to expect your eldest to fight for/work hard at getting those rights (as the eldest inevitably does) and for your youngest to get them without really trying. IMO It would be fairer for your youngest to aspire and work towards those rights and responsibilities when he reaches those age milestones too and give your eldest a reason to continue with his good behaviour at bed times too.

rachbc

Like others I think 7 is too early but 9 way too late for kids of those ages. Ok this week whilst its been half term but I would start sun night with 7.30 for the 7 yo and 8/8.30 for the 9 yo. Fixed routine and firm consistency - wind down time from 7, pjs, quiet play/ reading and quietly ignoring any messing and returning them to their rooms without giving them what the want!

the_cat

Don't fall into the trap of treating your kids the same - whatever their ages. They are individuals and need to be treated as such

Youngest is not behaving the same as eldest, yet is being treated the same. That isn't really fair, is it? Youngest therefore needs to see a clear difference in his treatment as opposed to his brothers in order to realise that his negative actions mean he is treated less favourably. Conversly the elder child needs to see that his better behaviour is noticed and rewarded, otherwise what's in it for him?

Only then will they 'get it', knuckle down and abide by the rules

Pink_flower

thanks again for the replies,

tonight youngest was sent up to bed at 8pm, he brushed his teeth and then he read his book to me for a couple of minutes and was left to continue on his own. I then went downstairs where eldest was reading to OH, youngest came downstairs twice in that time with questions. Now they have both been tucked in and i can hear screaming and whining coming from their room,

its been a long day

Sparklebabey

So tomorrow the youngest goes to bed at 7...if he comes down to ask questions then he is ignored and taken back to bed - nothing is spoken to him. He gets told at 7pm firmly that it is bedtime, given a kiss and then that's it. There should be no further spoken words from you/hubby and if he comes down then he is escorted back to the room and door closed.

I think a suitable time for the eldest is 8.30pm bedtime and he is old enough to be told not to speak to his brother if he is still awake when he goes into bed.

Agree with others, you are going to have to be consistent and persevere. At the moment he is only coming down as okay, he is hacked off his brother is still up (but then it should be explained to him that he is older...when the new baby comes will the 7 year old have to go to bed at the same time as the baby ask him...and of course the answer is no because the baby is younger than him) but also he is getting some kind of attention. If he gets no attention and nothing is spoken to him when he comes downstairs then frankly he will realise there is not much point. I also wouldn't get into the 'need a drink of water' scenario...you have a drink an hour before bed and that is it until breakfast...also make sure he has went to the toilet.

Sparklebabey

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

I have two girls who share a room, age 6 and 8 and generally the youngest gets put to bed at 7pm with quiet story, and tucking in and hot choc,

Totally off topic but are teeth cleaned after hot chocolate and before sleeping? Or once tucked in is that it for the night?

ska_lover

Sparklebabey wrote: »

Totally off topic but are teeth cleaned after hot chocolate and before sleeping? Or once tucked in is that it for the night?

LOL!

Theres always one...........

ska_lover

Hi Op, i agree with split bedtimes. Stick to your guns with them. For a 7yo to be crying loudly is not right, hes acting like a baby and i would treat him like one and explain next night its an even earlier bedtime if this keeps happening.

It might be worth explaining tht they are soon to be big brothers and really need to start acting like it

good luck, can't be easy