Bedtime Hell !

Pink_flower

I've started a new account as I dont want my family identified,

Anyway, We are having a nightmare with trying to get our 2 children to settle at bedtime. They share a bedroom and are 7 & 9, up until 2 months ago we had no real problems with them going to bed which was 7pm. When the clocks changed and evenings got lighter there was always a bit of too-ing and fro-ing but for the most part its a new problem.

Now we have them coming downstairs for toys they want to play with and the most pettiest of reasons, the usual "he did this" "he said that" nonsense as well as jumping around in their beds, fighting over toys, needing a drink, can you tuck me in etc etc.

We changed the bed time this week after thinking maybe they were being sent up too early, they now have telly until 7pm & can then play in the dining room/their bedroom until 8:15 when they have to brush teeth/toilet and head upstairs.
They have until 8:30 to faff about coming up and down the stairs for whatever reason then they must stay in their bedroom either sleeping or playing & will be tucked in at 9pm.

We have set the 'punishment' to be no computer time the following day, if they come down or dont settle at bed time then there will be no computer time allowed at all, or play time will be cut short.

my eldest has stayed in their room and in the most been much better, the youngest however is fighting it all the way and is currently crying loudly from his bed after coming down to ask if we had taped a program for him and having his computer time taken away.

We are expecting another child next month so want to get this sorted and are aware that it may be some of the reason why he is refusing to do as he is told. He is also getting more greedy and is demanding new toys every time we visit the supermarket, answering back, ignoring house rules etc so there are several signs of him acting out.

What im hoping for is a few suggestions to make bed time/evenings better for all of us, is the new time reasonable for their age ? what do you do when you tell a child to do something and they just ignore it ?

Im sick of saying "if you dont do xxxx, im going to xxxx" i feel like every day is filled with threats and punishment !

thanks !

raven83

Personally i would send the younger one to bed first at say 7, then the older one to bed at 8, i think 7pm for a 9 year old is a bit early, my 9 year old would never be able to go sleep so early. I would send the younger one off so he has some time on his own and gets to sleep, then by the time the older one goes to bed the younger will be sleeping and the older one will probably get to sleep easier.

DVardysShadow

I feel that the 7 year old is getting a little bit above himself and while it was appropriate for the older to get a later bedtime, the younger one has taken the wrong message from getting the same bedtime extension - even if it was appropriate to let him stay up a little bit. He needs to know he is still a little boy.

lovesabargain123

I have a faffer at bedtimes and it drives me potty, we eventually allowed to a quiet DVD playing in the background and he tends to nod off. My eldest 2 were never allowed this and still aren't but tbh I was desperate... My kids have their own rooms so easier to deal with I think

In your situation I'd tell the younger one tomorrow that he has one final chance to prove he deserves the later bedtime. If he messes tonight he will be back to an earlier bedtime and eldest will go later as he obviously can cope with the less sleep... You never know it may work

Good luck x

mandragora_2

Ruthless consistency. You will win, once you prove you're not backing down, that nothing's changed (or going to, even when the new one comes along), and you're still the same mummy and daddy, with the same rules, same love, and same good fun things to do. Tomorrow, follow through with whatever punishments you set, then let it go, then find something nice (and distracting) to do, and move on. Every night is a fresh start till you win!

PasturesNew

The Nanny programmes make people return the child to the bedroom - without uttering a word. Child gets up, take it back to bed without speaking. Child gets up.... repeat, repeat, repeat. I think some did it 60x the first night.

Lots of the Nanny programmes show that, so it might be worthwhile watching a few online to get the rules/methods set in stone... and then don't deviate.

As others have said about times/ages, I know when I was 7, I went to bed at 7pm, when I was 8, I went at 8pm. So maybe different times too.

But if you remain silent when repeatedly returning to their room they should get fed up with it sooner than you will.

JC9297

raven83 wrote: »

Personally i would send the younger one to bed first at say 7, then the older one to bed at 8, i think 7pm for a 9 year old is a bit early, my 9 year old would never be able to go sleep so early. I would send the younger one off so he has some time on his own and gets to sleep, then by the time the older one goes to bed the younger will be sleeping and the older one will probably get to sleep easier.

This was my first thought too, I would definately let the older child stay up later, this would get rid of any messing about between them.
I would take the 7 year old up at 7pm and read to him until 7.30 and then it's lights off and time for sleep. Older child can go up at 8. These are school night times, I would maybe make it slightly later in the holidays but not excessively.

beautiful_ravens

I have two girls who share a room, age 6 and 8 and generally the youngest gets put to bed at 7pm with quiet story, and tucking in and hot choc, then an hour later at 8pm the middlle one has a quiet story and talk in the living room or my room [so as not to wake the other] and then she gets into her bed in the shared room and goes to sleep. Later still my eldest goes to her room.
It works if the first one goes to sleep within that hour.
Otherwise, they do what yours do and faff and wander and squabble for ages! Then, I seperate them and one will go in my room on my bed in a sleeping bag which is kept in there specially for this purpose [so they know they are a guest in my room, not a permanent arrangement!] and I transfer them to their room late at night when I go to bed.
I dont allow too much tv or messin' before bed, I try to get them to wind down and calm down, they are allowed to stay up on a Friday [treat night] in their room and watch dvds and they put themselves to bed when they feel sleepy, I say goodnight quite early in the evening in this case.
Id say the hour between putting them to bed is likely to work best, as long as the first one settles and goes to sleep! I do realise that I have to spend the best part of 3 hours from 6.30- 9.30 putting all 3 kids to bed at staggered times, but I know its just a phase and will change over time.

raven83

JC9297 wrote: »

This was my first thought too, I would definately let the older child stay up later, this would get rid of any messing about between them.
I would take the 7 year old up at 7pm and read to him until 7.30 and then it's lights off and time for sleep. Older child can go up at 8. These are school night times, I would maybe make it slightly later in the holidays but not excessively.

My kids used to go to bed really early, but now the older two have got older, this just isn't possible no more so they stay up till about 8, and often have the tv on till they fall asleep. They have no trouble getting up early either so i do think that maybe let the older one stay up for a bit. Maybe read a story to the younger one and have some time alone with him till he settles, then go and spend some time with the older one downstairs so he gets some one on one time too. Then send him to bed and and give him half hour before lights out, my girls love reading in bed too and it usually makes them sleepy

Pink_flower

Thanks !,

Whilst its the younger one who is being a pain and in theory he should go to bed first and settle before the older, its the older child who sleeps more and I worry if we give them separate times I will be seen to be playing favourite with the older and push the younger further away if that makes sense ??

Whilst on paper it seems like 2 years difference, its actually 18 months so they have always been treated more like the same age.

I will consider this though, it might be something we introduce as an incentive for younger to show he can behave ???

raven83

Pink_flower wrote: »

Thanks !,

Whilst its the younger one who is being a pain and in theory he should go to bed first and settle before the older, its the older child who sleeps more and I worry if we give them separate times I will be seen to be playing favourite with the older and push the younger further away if that makes sense ??

Whilst on paper it seems like 2 years difference, its actually 18 months so they have always been treated more like the same age.

I will consider this though, it might be something we introduce as an incentive for younger to show he can behave ???

Is it possible to try and make their bedroom into two seperate ones? I know some people do that providing you have a big enough bedroom. That way they can have their own space.