Bedtime Hell !

nuttybabe

i have a 7 year old, 6 year and 4 year old. The youngest goes to bed at 7pm and has a story in bed then sleep. Dd will then either read to me or i will read to her and she goes to bed at 7.30pm and can read in bed for a bit. ds1 goes up at 8pm and can read for a bit or if he gets enough ticks on his reward chart he can have his tv on (he is in a seperate room to the other 2).

the only time we have problems is when they go to bed at the same time and then they argue, fight, want to play etc.

Sambucus_Nigra

Pink_flower wrote: »

Thanks !,

Whilst its the younger one who is being a pain and in theory he should go to bed first and settle before the older, its the older child who sleeps more and I worry if we give them separate times I will be seen to be playing favourite with the older and push the younger further away if that makes sense ??

Whilst on paper it seems like 2 years difference, its actually 18 months so they have always been treated more like the same age.

I will consider this though, it might be something we introduce as an incentive for younger to show he can behave ???

If the younger one won't settle and acts like a baby then treat him like one! He needs to earn a later night time, and if it were me, each 15 minutes of acting up would lose him 15 minutes the next night - even if it ended up him going to bed at 5pm.

He'll soon learn.

JC9297

Pink_flower wrote: »

Thanks !,

Whilst its the younger one who is being a pain and in theory he should go to bed first and settle before the older, its the older child who sleeps more and I worry if we give them separate times I will be seen to be playing favourite with the older and push the younger further away if that makes sense ??

Whilst on paper it seems like 2 years difference, its actually 18 months so they have always been treated more like the same age.

I will consider this though, it might be something we introduce as an incentive for younger to show he can behave ???

You wouldn't be favouring the older child just acknowledging that they are older and so can stay up later, when the 7 year old is 9 he can stay up later too.


If you are snuggled up in his bed reading a story he is getting your undivided attention for that time. My son used to love that time, I reckon if I offered to do it now he'd still take me up on it and he's 15!

lika_86

Just out of curiosity, why start a new account for a problem like this? Not sure how two kids not being able to settle for bed would identify your family or cause a problem if associated with your regular username.

Pink_flower

lika_86 wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, why start a new account for a problem like this? Not sure how two kids not being able to settle for bed would identify your family or cause a problem if associated with your regular username.

someone who is aware of who I am in real-life likes to read anything I post here, twist it & use it to hurl abuse at me the next time they see fit.

I don't want them knowing anything about me or my life but still value the range of responses you get from the forum.

nothing sinister & not relevant to the advice I would receive.

Lunar_Eclipse

We sometimes have bedtime faffers too!

A bedtime change from 7-9pm is a huge change and I think could be the root of your youngest's behaviour (over tired?) I also think 9pm might be too late generally, assuming they need to be up for school. I'd be aiming for 10-12 hours sleeping opportunity as a general rule, so working backwards from when they need to be up is a good starting point.

Since they share a room, I think a staggered bedtime might be the only practical option to work. I'd be tempted to opt for 7pm & 8pm lights out. My two are 10 & 12 and still officially have an 8pm lights out bedtime. Sadly we often can't fit everything in to make it happen, so I have an absolute cut off time, for being asleep on a school night of 9.15pm. It's strictly enforced, to encourage good time management of homework, test revision, bag prep, hair washing etc. Youngest is usually asleep by 8.30, allowing her to get 11 hours sleep. Eldest gets less (9 hours minimum), so needs to catch up at the weekend.

I really can't stand faffing at bedtime. I also find it's worse the more tired mine are!

And without stating the obvious: do they have thick dark curtains lined with black out lining if necessary? Light evenings aren't generally a problem here, they both have very thick curtains, no black out lining required, but does make a huge difference (I have it!)

Pink_flower

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

We sometimes have bedtime faffers too!

A bedtime change from 7-9pm is a huge change and I think could be the root of your youngest's behaviour (over tired?) I also think 9pm might be too late generally, assuming they need to be up for school. I'd be aiming for 10-12 hours sleeping opportunity as a general rule, so working backwards from when they need to be up is a good starting point.

Since they share a room, I think a staggered bedtime might be the only practical option to work. I'd be tempted to opt for 7pm & 8pm lights out. My two are 10 & 12 and still officially have an 8pm lights out bedtime. Sadly we often can't fit everything in to make it happen, so I have an absolute cut off time, for being asleep on a school night of 9.15pm. It's strictly enforced, to encourage good time management of homework, test revision, bag prep, hair washing etc. Youngest is usually asleep by 8.30, allowing her to get 11 hours sleep. Eldest gets less (9 hours minimum), so needs to catch up at the weekend.

I really can't stand faffing at bedtime. I also find it's worse the more tired mine are! Good luck :-)

just to be clear, that bed time was 7pm but we had never said a firm asleep by x time & it was more a case of being sent upstairs at 7pm to begin bed time routine of teeth/toilet/reading etc some nights they would be asleep by 7:30 others (more so lately) it may be nearer 9pm.

what we've changed more is trying to set a time limit to the dragging out actually staying upstairs & starting to prepare for sleep. to hopefully make it easier to put our foot down about the 20th trip down & regain some of our evening.

also on the subject of amount of sleep they need, the little !!!!!!s spring awake between 6am and half past and are full of beans ready for the day

Sambucus_Nigra

Pink_flower wrote: »

someone who is aware of who I am in real-life likes to read anything I post here, twist it & use it to hurl abuse at me the next time they see fit.

I don't want them knowing anything about me or my life but still value the range of responses you get from the forum.

nothing sinister & not relevant to the advice I would receive.

Then change your account permanently...

the_cat

I think this one is pretty easy to solve tbh. The youngest child is the one being naughty, so you have a very easy get out.....

'I thought you were old enough to be allowed a later bedtime but it appears not. Therefore you will be going to bed at 7pm as usual like before until you can prove to me that you are mature enough to behave (and spell out the do's and don'ts) As your brother/sister is behaving, they will not have to revert and can stay up later

You will have to prove to me that you have changed by behaving yourself and then I might consider letting you try again.'

liney

I agree that your younger child is playing up because you are favoring him by treating him the same as his older brother. He should be going to bed earlier: perhaps 7pm now that he is 7 years, 7.30pm when he turns 8 and then 8pm when he is 9 years old like his brother now so that he can see clear progression.

If you do not get into the mindset that you do have an older and younger child what do you think will happen when DS1 goes to secondary school and DS2, who will be in in Year 5, (?) expects to be treated the same? Will you expect DS1 to let him tag along everywhere with him, or will you still be restricting him to the the activities of a 9 year year old so as not to upset DS2? That will cause massive resentment and a whole set of different issues. Trust me, as an older child I know

If lack of computer time doesn't work, then you need to pick a deterrent that does. I warn my son 'I will start on his pocket money,' which means docking 10p each time he plays up. It works instantly with him, but he knows I will follow through.