Living with Dementia?

misscheery

What happens when you can't cope anymore? My step-dad has dementia, a couple of years now, my mom is not coping so well.......He talks not stop, follows her around etc..... he has some pills which make him sleep so she can get a good nights sleep with out these he can be awake all night... I could go on and on:( Can he be made to go into care if my mom can't care for him?He would refuse to go.... They own their own house, have savings etc.....He is 74, my mom a young 69, this is wearing her out and aging her... He has not always been the most nicest person to live with either to her or me and my brother, and now this. If she left him she would loose out and she really couldn't do that, She has contact with all the differnt organisations, they seem to just give her leaflets on how to treat him, easier said than done. He has just started going to a day centre once a week, but only from 10 -2! He would not agree to go into respite for a week or so,Any advice please?

mynameistallulah

He has not always been the most nicest person to live with either to her or me and my brother, and now this.

What a terrible thing to say, do you think he has chosen to develop dementia?

Please ask social services for assistance, for the good of your step father. Or perhaps you and your brother could help out more?

McKneff

None of this is his fault, bless him. Its all his brain wires getting messed up and they are going to get much worse, believe me.
You need to try and have a little more compassion.
I have first hand knowledge of dementia. My brother had this at 49, it was extremeley aggressive and he was dead within 2 years, looking about 90 years old.

Have you spoken to your mum about what she wants, It's hard for her but he is her husband.

Perhaps you could give her some respite care by looking after your dad for 1 day a week.

misscheery

mynameistallulah wrote: »

What a terrible thing to say, do you think he has chosen to develop dementia?

Please ask social services for assistance, for the good of your step father. Or perhaps you and your brother could help out more?

Please don't judge me, he is not the nicest of ppl, if it was me who was ill he would have absolutely no compassion for me. You have no idea what he was like and I don't need to tell you.My concern is my mom , I cannot care for him as I don't even visit their house as HE doesn't want visitors! And this was before dementia!!

mynameistallulah

misscheery wrote: »

Please don't judge me, he is not the nicest of ppl, if it was me who was ill he would have absolutely no compassion for me. You have no idea what he was like and I don't need to tell you.My concern is my mom , I cannot care for him as I don't even visit their house as HE doesn't want visitors! And this was before dementia!!

That is really sad - I try to put family feuds aside when someone is so unwell, and yes, I know well how difficult it is to care for someone with dementia.

My advice stands - please contact social services, for the sake of everyone.

misscheery

We have been in touch with social services and it is not a family feud, this is how it's always been.

BigAunty

My advice would be to contact social services for an assessment, as per the previous recommendation and view information about support at the following site

http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/index.php

Do you have a benefit query - does he receive any sickness/disability benefits and does anyone receive carers allowance for him?

Torry_Quine

If he won't voluntarily accept going into care then he can't be forced in most cases. The exception is if he is deemed to be a danger to himself or others and in that case he could be sectioned.

Your mother also should contact social services for an assessement for herself as carer.

He should be eligible for AA and your mother would have an underlying eligibilty for carer's allowance presuming she is already in receipt of her state pension.

misscheery

BigAunty wrote: »

My advice would be to contact social services for an assessment, as per the previous recommendation and view information about support at the following site



Do you have a benefit query - does he receive any sickness/disability benefits and does anyone receive carers allowance for him?

Thank you, as far as I know they are receiving all the benefits( I was unsure where to post this). I think she get's DLA? I have read on your link previously abt an assessment. It was just not knowing what happens if you can't cope, surely it must happen a lot to ppl/carers................

Torrey when you say get an assessment for my mom as a carer, that means to see if she is fit/able to be one?


Edit. My mom has been in touch with a few ppl, The Alzheimer's Society etc... Social Services were the last to get in touch only a few weeks ago, they have not been of much help so far!

[Deleted User]

social services are under alot of pressure and reduced budgets,id follow up now with another call to them
there may also be a carers association in the area who can offer alot of practical and other support to mum

bishboshbluebell

bless you and good luck. My mum has early signs of dementia and i have finally contacted the doc to get her assessed. She lives with my adult Downs Syndrome sister and although I do all the running around and provide care for them, its true that it is difficult to get any practical help from social services etc. The only way I found that helps me to cope is i hired a lovely lady that comes in a couple of times a week to give me a break from bath time. Unless you're living the life. people have no idea of the stresses you are placed under. We have no family nearby - one brother lives in Oz the other wrapped up in his life by the coast. Try and get your mum extra funding for an additional carer. Good luck its really tough but keep going and be there for your mum. X