Am I being unfair (friend related)?

GobbledyGook

I'm not very good at friendships (I have TERRIBLE taste in friends) so I'm not sure if I'm being unfair or not.

I had a friend who I classed as a good friend. Her husband and mine worked together which is how we met. The blokes weren't particularly matey though so it wasn't just a friendship based on that. We had babies at the same time and it built from there.

When the husband and I split up the friend basically disappeared. There was no awkwardness or anything because by that point the blokes didn't work together anymore. It was just as if me being single was a problem. I actually found it with a few female "friends" and don't understand it at all. I just assumed it was partly to do with the fact that she had a new baby, her husband had just changed jobs and she had a lot on her plate and moved on.

Anyway last weekend the ex-husband and I went public on the fact that we are "dating" (I use that because people keep saying 'back together', but it's very different and to me back together would imply him moving back in etc and that's not where we are at).

Today I received an invitation to an annual summer event organised by said "friend" that for the past two years I've been excluded from (despite being the one who did all the baking and organised all the children's games/activities for the years before that). The invitation also included a note inviting me to contribute to the event if I so wish.

Am I being unfair to be deeply upset by this? It's as if I'm only worthy of being friends with when I'm in a relationship. I'm sorely tempted to tell them where to stick their do. I know my girls would have fun, but we're not going. I'd rather spend a fortune taking them to an over-priced theme park or zoo or something than spend the day with fake people.

euronorris

I don't think you're being unreasonable, at all. I'd be upset and p*ssed off too!

I'd also probably tell her no, and the reasons why. If I'm not good enough to be her friend when I'm single, then I don't want to be her friend full stop!

DebtFreein5Months

I agree with Euronorris!
I would be tempted to call her and say "Thank you so much for the invitation, although I must admit I was surprised, may I ask why you didn't invite me last year?" She probably wouldn't admit it, but if she did you could call her a Slore and slam the phone down LOL

But seriously - no, you're not being unfair. I wouldn't bother going.

missindecisive

your instinct is telling you that this is a bit weird and you want to ask where she's been for the last 2 years! Youv'e got two choices, go and find out whats been going on in her head while youv'e been dropped or just make up a polite excuse and move on.

personnally I wouldn't bother and make up an excuse:beer:

BitterAndTwisted

I think your "friend" has made it quite clear what this friendship was based on. And it wasn't the power of your warm and wonderful personality. I'd ignore that invitation as the gross insult it was.

Desperado99

I wouldn't even make up and excuse.......

I'd just ignore it. aren't some people funny (as in weird)

fluffnutter

Some married women just can't cope with single women. Perhaps they're a threat, perhaps they upset their carefully orchestrated parties by being a spare number, or perhaps some women are just so obsessed with their status of being a 'couple' that they don't want to sully it with some 'poor' single person.

Whatever the reason, move on. She dumped you when you needed a friend, you're now back in favour that you're no longer single. Who needs a friend like that? I wouldn't even bother responding, frankly. She wasn't exactly forthcoming when you split up so why bother giving her the courtesy of a response? Just ignore the invitation and do something nice with your family instead.

HeadAboveWater

I'm with you on this one 100% Go with your instinct.

My 'friend' treated me the same, although I was single going into the 'taken' category. Wee extract of an email from her... 'You're already outta the single friend category (they're the coolest bunch!). I don't want to have to put you in the boring category ha ha ha!!!' Charming isn't she?!? :P
If you were really close to begin with, maybe find out the reason why you were dropped, but that's only if you actually care any more. I figure after so long you don't
Get yourself away off out with your girls. They're far more important

skypie123_2

If you've not been in touch for 2 years how did she know you were dating your ex again?

fluffnutter

Many years ago when I was single I was invited to a friend's for dinner. He'd invited two other couples plus me (so seven of us in total).

I was stuck at the end of the table on a garden chair with a chipped dinner plate and plastic cutlery and one woman smiled at me all night asking whether the reason I was single was because I was a 'bit of a feminist'. I've never felt more humiliated in my life.

Sambucus_Nigra

Or....she really was busy with her kids and now they are about 2ish has realised the 2 years has flown by and she relooked at her address book and realised she forgot to invite you.

We don't actually know. So why not ask her?