how normal is it for your partner to spend time with their ex

maybebaybe

Poppy9 wrote: »

Then she wins! She knows she is annoying you so go on the charm offensive. Be very nice and welcoming to her so she has no excuse to !!!!! about you behind your back.

lol Poppy tried that !! It only seemed to make her worse !!

meritaten

maybebaybe wrote: »

My partner has children with his ex. We have his children every weekend so he see's them regularly.

He goes round there and does odd jobs for her and also will just pop round there for a chat and to see the kids every now and then.

I was having a chat with a friend of mine as my partner and I are having a couple of probs at the moment and when I told her how much time he spends with his ex she said this was not the norm !!

Tbh I have never been that comfortable with it since finding something out about my partner and his ex ( while we were together ) but he says for our relationship to work I have to put up with this as this is how it is, and I usually do !!

My question is do any of your partners Male or Female spend a lot of time with their ex doing odd jobs for them etc.

this paragraph disturbs me. It seems as if the partner is saying 'I do this with ex and if you dont like it - tough!'

unless its to do with seeing children from that relationship - then of course he is right. and is just being a good father.
If you want to move the goalposts hun - you have to be sure you are going to win. perhaps things have changed and you are now not willing to put up with 'this'?
perhaps winning would be the end of your relationship with your partner.........is that an option? because if you are fed up with a constriction your partner has put on the relationship and want out - it could be out of the relationship.
I have no idea what 'this' is - but I instinctively mistrust someone saying this - its like they are demanding permission for something that is not right. its up to YOU hun.

maybebaybe

fluffnutter wrote: »

That's your problem then, lovey. She's got the control and he's too scared to stand up to her because he can't face the potential fallout of not seeing his kids. All the while he remains in thrall to her, you're going to suffer.

How have you approached it so far? I assume he knows you're unhappy? What have you said and how have you said it?

Basically I havn't really handled it so to speak because as you said I dont want to be seen to be saying too much because he always says it for the kids !! no matter what reason he is round there !! and I dont want to be seen as saying he can't do something for his kids !!

Its just my friend said that its not normal and I really didn't think it was that acceptable but have never really said too much iyswim.

I have got annoyed when she has changed plans with the kids when we have arranged things, but then my partner get angry with me !! and says its ok for her to do this and I shouldnt get so wound up about it !!

But if I ever want to change a day its unheard of !! simply not allowed to do it !!

maybebaybe

meritaten wrote: »

this paragraph disturbs me. It seems as if the partner is saying 'I do this with ex and if you dont like it - tough!'
If you want to move the goalposts hun - you have to be sure you are going to win. perhaps things have changed and you are now not willing to put up with 'this'?
perhaps winning would be the end of your relationship with your partner.........is that an option? because if you are fed up with a constriction your partner has put on the relationship and want out - it could be out of the relationship.
I have no idea what 'this' is - but I instinctively mistrust someone saying this - its like they are demanding permission for something that is not right. its up to YOU hun.

He has actually use the words if I don't like it its tough !!

fluffnutter

I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not really warming to your OH

Why is it OK for his ex to change her plans and scupper yours? And he really shouldn't be getting angry with you for pointing this out (although to be fair I don't know that you've not been shrieking at him like a banshee ).

pawsies

Sounds like you need to sit down and tell him how you feel and reach a compromise.
If you don't feel like talking face to face you could always write a letter so he doesn't butt in and distract you.
Think about what you want, what he wants and try and meet half way?

POPPYOSCAR

maybebaybe wrote: »

He has actually use the words if I don't like it its tough !!

Could not be in a relationship like that personally.

I think your friend is correct, this is not normal behaviour.

fluffnutter

So far then...

He drops everything at his ex's beck and call, and is happy to change your plans on a whim.

He lays down the law and tells you 'tough' if you challenge this.

He gets angry with you when you point out that it feels unfair that her plans can change, and yet yours can't.

He's jealous and overreacts when you're innocently contacted by an ex.

He's got some good qualities, right....?

maybebaybe

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not really warming to your OH

Why is it OK for his ex to change her plans and scupper yours? And he really shouldn't be getting angry with you for pointing this out (although to be fair I don't know that you've not been shrieking at him like a banshee ).

Hahaha I don't do screaming !! But according to my daughter his ex does !! ( long story ) she heard her screaming and told me it was very scary !!

maybebaybe

fluffnutter wrote: »

So far then...

He drops everything at his ex's beck and call, and is happy to change your plans on a whim.

He lays down the law and tells you 'tough' if you challenge this.

He gets angry with you when you point out that it feels unfair that her plans can change, and yet yours can't.

He's jealous and overreacts when you're innocently contacted by an ex.

He's got some good qualities, right....?

hmmmmm when you bullet point it like that !!