how normal is it for your partner to spend time with their ex

maybebaybe

But I still havn't had any one telling me that their partner spends a lot of time with their ex on the premise of its about the kids !! I would be interested if others had this situation to deal with and how it works for them !!

nickyhutch

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Could not be in a relationship like that personally.

I think your friend is correct, this is not normal behaviour.

My thoughts exactly. OP, why would you put up with this?

fluffnutter

maybebaybe wrote: »

But I still havn't had any one telling me that their partner spends a lot of time with their ex on the premise of its about the kids !! I would be interested if others had this situation to deal with and how it works for them !!

Possibly because it seems like you've got a bigger problem than merely your OH spending too much time with his ex. Sounds like he doesn't treat you with an awful lot of respect, tbh, honey

maybebaybe

nickyhutch wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. OP, why would you put up with this?

Well tbh I just thought I kinda had to because I don't want to be seen as saying he can't do things for his kids !!

When she changes plans its always because she says the kids have something else to do !! Examples, birthday parties or seeing grandparents etc. So if I get annoyed he says so you want to stop my children seeing their grandparents !! or something like that !! :mad:

maybebaybe

fluffnutter wrote: »

Possibly because it seems like you've got a bigger problem than merely your OH spending too much time with his ex. Sounds like he doesn't treat you with an awful lot of respect, tbh, honey

I have thought this too on occasion !! But just thought as he said its the way it is and I have to accept it !!

Maybe its not right after all !!

nickyhutch

maybebaybe wrote: »

Well tbh I just thought I kinda had to because I don't want to be seen as saying he can't do things for his kids !!

When she changes plans its always because she says the kids have something else to do !! Examples, birthday parties or seeing grandparents etc. So if I get annoyed he says so you want to stop my children seeing their grandparents !! or something like that !! :mad:

You don't have to put up and shut up about anything. You shouldn't have to in a relationship. You should be allowed an opinion about things that affect you.

You don't have to just accept things you don't like. Speak up and aim for some compromise.

fluffnutter

maybebaybe wrote: »

I have thought this too on occasion !! But just thought as he said its the way it is and I have to accept it !!

Maybe its not right after all !!

Never accept something that makes you unhappy, my love.

maybebaybe

hmmmmm seems I may have some thinking to do !! I honestly thought I might get others saying that their partner does this !! And then I probably would have been more like .. Oh ok others have to work with this kind of situation too ..

green1970

You don't sound as though you're considered to be the 'love of his life' hun. Did she split up from him or the other way around. Has he ever mentioned marriage with you or is that 'out of the question', never marrying again, that sort of thing.

I couldn't live with not being the priority in my partner or husband's life, couldn't live with my opinion not being considered, couldn't live without feeling that my partner/husband was on my side (and I don't mean just agreeing with me all the time, just that I'm important to him, what I think is worth listening too and considering).

I think you deserve more from him from what you've said.

rainbow81

maybebaybe wrote: »

Well tbh I just thought I kinda had to because I don't want to be seen as saying he can't do things for his kids !!

When she changes plans its always because she says the kids have something else to do !! Examples, birthday parties or seeing grandparents etc. So if I get annoyed he says so you want to stop my children seeing their grandparents !! or something like that !! :mad:

I was in a similar situation until recently, he made it into a "me vs the kids" thing, which was never my aim (I have one of my own as well so I understand putting your kids first!).

Needless to say my breaking point arrived as he dropped me for the umpteenth time on the premise of it being for the kids, when in reality it was for the ex - who also was one to threaten that he couldn't see his kids if he didn't bend to her whims. I could see they were completely empty threats but I guess when it's about your own children the risk isn't worth it.

I don't have any advice, but I would say that your feelings DO matter! Don't let him make you think otherwise.

Best of luck.