My 5 year old son has started lying

conradmum

I agree with B&T. At five his understanding of the difference between reality and wishful thinking is still a little blurred. Children have an unrealistic perspective of their significance in world events and quite often believe they have caused things that they couldn't possibly have caused.

He may be telling you his version of what he really wishes was true in some vague hope of making it true. I even know adults who do this. Of course it's important to teach children that it's wrong to lie (then its hideously embarrassing when they catch you out telling white lies yourself), but at his age I wouldn't expect an overnight cessation of the habit just because he's been punished.

I think you're doing a good job addressing the issue. I would keep it up but not go overboard and get really angry. Just be patient and consistent.

Nan63

My 5 year old grandson sometimes tells fibs and if questioned replies "I was only tricking you"... but he always finishes up telling the truth. We praise the truth telling and ignore the lies if you know what I mean?

Try not to get yourself worked up about it, I think it must be a natural phase they go through, pushing their boundaries? As the above poster says, it may not stop anytime soon but eventually with your love and efforts your lovely little boy will learn.

sassyblue

Deleted_User wrote: »

On Monday I was eating breakfast and I heard this very loud banging going on in his room above. I was on the verge of going up to see what was going on when it stopped and he came downstairs. I said:-

"What was that banging noise going on upstairs?"
"I don't know, maybe it was (his sister)".
"No she is downstairs already".
"I think it was next door..."
"No it was coming from your room. Tell me what it was, i'm not cross just wondered what you were doing".
"I don't know, I can't remember", his eyes avoiding mine etc.

So i finish eating, take his hand and we go to his room.

"So show me what was making that noise, were you rattling your bed?"
"No, i can't remember"
"I think you are lying to me, tell me please I won't be annoyed"
"I was banging my wardrobe door to listen to the sound".

Then he apologised and we discussed all that had happened, the whys and wherefores.

In itself, its no major deal, it just took over 10-15 mins to get to the bottom of it,

See you've expanded on it now....

I wouldn't have got worked up about that at all !! maybe you are OTT about lying because it shouldn't have taken 10-15 mins to go over that? After he blamed next doors and his sister l would have said 'well l know it's only you up there so stop lying'.

sassyblue

Nan63 wrote: »

My 5 year old grandson sometimes tells fibs and if questioned replies "I was only tricking you"... but he always finishes up telling the truth.

OMG you maybe my mum - that's exactly what my 5 year old says!! :rotfl:

bailey, this parenting lark is hard work and we're not going to get it right ALL the time. Picking your battles is maybe something to think about, you don't have to make him apologise everytime but pointing out you don't like lies and you know it is one is chastising him all the same. Good luck, you sound a fab mummy anyway. :A

Gingham_R

It's an interesting scenario you've outlined and I can see why it's getting frustrating for you.

He had already stopped doing the thing that was annoying you so I would have jumped straight into saying,

Thanks for stopping that banging. It sounded really loud from down here. I bet you didn't know we could hear you!

Then you're starting with praise and he's not hedging because he knows you're cross (perhaps without understanding why.)

I would put money on him saying straight away what he'd been doing and why without it taking so long to get there.

My tips would be:

Assume he wants to do the right thing. (They almost ALWAYS do.)
Assume he'll tell you if he feels that he's not going to get into trouble for doing. (They almost always will if they have learnt that is true.)
Assume it's about being creative, learning about his environment and working out cause and effect. (This is big stuff at 5.)

I think all these things help me look at kids' behaviour in a much more relaxed way and seems to avoid confrontation.

Nan63

sassyblue wrote: »

OMG you maybe my mum - that's exactly what my 5 year old says!! :rotfl:

Haha! :rotfl:

See Bailey? Boys will be boys!

Gingham_R

Nan63 wrote: »

My 5 year old grandson sometimes tells fibs and if questioned replies "I was only tricking you"... but he always finishes up telling the truth. We praise the truth telling and ignore the lies if you know what I mean?

Try not to get yourself worked up about it, I think it must be a natural phase they go through, pushing their boundaries? As the above poster says, it may not stop anytime soon but eventually with your love and efforts your lovely little boy will learn.

You're right. It is completely natural - not just pushing boundaries though but learning about cause and effect, what is real and what is fiction, and that they can create the fiction AND the truth.

I don't want to stop the story telling. I don't think of it as lies at this stage and therefore I approach it in a way that seems to avoid confrontation. I wonder if this is one of the reasons we get very few 'I think my big brother did it' comments and lots and lots of the 'A dragon came to our school today' comments!

We get, 'I was just tricking you' comments when his stories are over too. I always play along with it and make out like it was a GREAT trick!

themull1

I would have just shouted up the stairs ' stop banging'!!

butler_helen

themull1 wrote: »

I would have just shouted up the stairs ' stop banging'!!

You can probably tell I don't have children as I wouldn't have been bothered. Banging beats cat wailing any day!

Gingham_R

themull1 wrote: »

I would have just shouted up the stairs ' stop banging'!!

Me too. This all happened after the banging had stopped.