Am i just the meanest mother in the world?

doodoot

If it was my daughter?

She'd be looking for somewhere else to live and work. :mad:

As another poster said, you need to look at how much extra you are paying now that there is a business in your home - council tax, insurance, etc.

Add it together then add extra to cover her board and keep.

I assure you it will be far from being a mere £50 per week.

(I really hope that you have organised this legally as you are now renting out business space to your daughter, who in turn is a business owner and both of you should be registered accordingly. If not, then get it done sharpish before the Council and HMRC catch up with all of you.)

shelley_crow

I'm actually shocked! She is gettign a great deal. She is taking you and your husband for a ride though. Money aside, I would not let anyone insult my other half in his own home, that is totally unacceptable and would be grounds for throwing her out.

If she won't clean her salon, the best case scenario is that people see it's dirty and don't return. She'll get a reputation for being unhygienic and she won't get customers. Worst case scenario is that her filth leads to illness or infection in her customers and she ends up with several law suits against her.

Mojisola

little_miss_spender wrote: »

For a while we didnt charge her any rent to get back on her feet. but after a while charged her £50 a week does any one think this is unreasonable? thankyou

little_miss_spender wrote: »

Whoever said did she have a tantrum for me to be asking this question well no, she didn't as it happens, living in the same house with her is one big tantrum every day!

I just woke up to the fact that I am being treated like a doormat, skivvy,rubbing rag, fool, idiot, and other names which are too numerous to mention, in my own home

Then to make matters worse she thinks it is okay to call her dad a !!!!!!--d, w-nk-r, knob,and to f off and p off, and when i say anything all i get is she is only messing about, joking.

If she was paying me a couple of hundred a week and behaving like that, she'd still be out the door!

meer53

Running a business from home isn't as straightforward as a lot of people think. There are lots of extra costs and regulations involved, has your daughter considered these ? If she hasn't i'd get the information, give it to her and recalculate how much she should be paying you. You might find it gives her a bit of a shock.

You aren't charging her nearly enough in my opinion. It's your home, don't short change yourself, if she wants to run a business she needs to make sure that it's done properly, it's not going to be cheap.

Have a look at this :
http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/layer?r.i=1075375360&r.l1=1086951342&r.l2=1073859248&r.l3=1073960216&r.s=m&r.t=CASE%20STUDIES&topicId=1073960216

midnightraven3

not that you should have to
but as advised, draw up how much everything is costing you by having her there
i would also do the same were she living independently as well
but thats just me:D

i would be demanding respect from her before anything else
living rent free previously has obviously given her a huge sense of entitlement
which i would be knocking on the head NOW

you are not a mean mommy, you are being taken advantage of, by your own daughter

Gingham_R

Hiya

Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time with a disrespectful, ungrateful adult who seems to have forgotten that she's being given a tremendous opportunity from you.

The first priority in my opinion is to get to an agreement with your husband. When you've agreed on what you both want from her in terms of:

respect
money
housework

then you can go to her and tell her that you need to talk about your arrangement.

She's an adult and this is no longer her home. She's moved out and come back, so this is not something that needs to be negotiated with her. You can tell her what must happen and give her a CLEAR picture of what will happen if she doesn't do as required.

This would mean (if it were me) that she has to make an immediate change or she has X amount of time to find somewhere else to live and work from.

And stick to it. She won't end up homeless if the time limit is reasonable and she actually looks for somewhere. This is the hard part. If she thinks she can get away with her appalling behaviour any longer, and that you won't kick her out, she won't change.

Have a think about what you could do to demonstrate that you're serious. Perhaps call a couple of letting agencies to find out what prices are locally and where there are flats available and give her the leaflets, making it clear that you don't mind helping her find somewhere else to live if that becomes necessary but to make no mistake, she either changes or goes and that's that.

Good luck. This is not your fault. You didn't 'let her' treat you badly. She took advantage of your kind, good heart and it's time for her to realise that you deserve much better.

starsandmoon

The advice about insurance for the business is true. I was a hairdresser/beauty threapist and if you run a business you have to have public liability for starters and Im sure theres others too. What would happen if a client had an accident in your home and sued you? And it could be you the houseowner who is sued and not your daughter.

If she isnt cleaning her work area clients will stop coming and may report her.

Sounds like she needs her own home and do clients in their homes that way you dont need as much insurance etc. Then when she gets on her feet she can rent a proper business premises or go and work in a proper salon.

Gingham_R

I wanted to add something but not sure if it'll come out right.

I don't know how easy it is to get torn between wanting to prove how much you love them and having to discipline an adult child as mine are still young, but when I have to lay down the law and I get 'those' faces, I remind myself that it's BECAUSE I love them that I am standing my ground and making sure that they know what is acceptable and what isn't.

pinkshoes

Ohhh, your situation is EXACTLY as in a book I've just read. It's a short story called "Full House" by Maeve Binchey, so give it a read, and I bet you'll spend the entire story thinking "yup, that's me..."!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/House-Quick-Reads-Maeve-Binchy/dp/1409136612/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338374819&sr=8-1

(it's all about grown up children living at home, not contributing, and not understanding why they should! - get your daughter to read it too!)

Mojisola

little_miss_spender wrote: »

My 22 year old moved back home last year when she had a fall out with her boss (nail salon) and she also lived with them so had to leave her accomodation too which was rent free.

Gingham_R wrote: »

I wanted to add something but not sure if it'll come out right.

I don't know how easy it is to get torn between wanting to prove how much you love them and having to discipline an adult child as mine are still young, but when I have to lay down the law and I get 'those' faces, I remind myself that it's BECAUSE I love them that I am standing my ground and making sure that they know what is acceptable and what isn't.

This is really important, especially in this case where the daughter has already lost her job and rent-free accommodation - was her behaviour the cause of that?

You've put up with her so far because she's family - other people don't have to. If she doesn't modify the way she behaves, she will have a very difficult life ahead of her.