Daughter not trying hard enough at school

Savvy_Sue

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Thanks for your replies guys. It's so hard being a parent especially to a teenage girl. Her older brother was never this much of a worry :cool:

I had 3 boys, and the youngest was JUST like this!

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Re her tutor. I think the reason this failed was because she's crapping herself about the talk/presentation she's to give in English class. She's got a real phobia about public speaking (just like her mum!) and every time the subject comes up, i.e. giving her advice on how to structure her talk etc. she just shut down. She was truanting this class for weeks before I was advised and that was the reason. I've suggested I write a letter to the school asking if she can give her talk just in front of one or two classmates and the teacher but her Guidance teacher doesn't seem to think is feasible. Maybe all this worry is having a knock-on effect on the rest of her schoolwork?

Well, it may very well be. And I do think it needs to be addressed - how the heck is she going to teach if she's got a phobia about public speaking?

Sambucus_Nigra

I hated school [loathed the place] but had to work hard to leave and get a college place so I wasn't stuck there in 6th Form. I've never stopped learning and have only had 2 years [these last 2] plus one other about 15 years ago when I wasn't doing some sort of further/higher ed.

My DSD [15] also has the same problem as your DD - apart from the knowing what she wants to do bit. Even the topic she was always good at she got an appalling report for this year. But they have to learn in their own way that they have to put the work in to get results.

If she spent half as much time studying as she spends on Facebook - she'd have all her studying/revision covered and pass with flying colours. Unfortunately, she doesn't live with us so we can only enforce this whilst she is here. If she was mine, she'd be losing her Facebook account until she pulled her socks up but she isn't...

Sambucus_Nigra

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Well, it may very well be. And I do think it needs to be addressed - how the heck is she going to teach if she's got a phobia about public speaking?

Sometimes you have to spell these things out to teenagers - the thought probably hasn't crossed her mind that she will have to stand up in front of a class to teach!

nonnatus

Gosh OP, I could have WRITTEN your initial post!

My daughter has just turned 15. She's not HUGELY intelligent, but bumbles along in all the "average" groups, getting "average" grades, until January, when she started to become "below average".

She's great company, both with me and her many friends, she's polite, non-rebellious in all other ways, doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs and is still virginal (:o). She's quite "young" at heart, loving her pets and her cuddly toys still but is becoming aware of how very beautiful she is (people stop her in the street to tell her so....!!!!????)

But I just CAN NOT get her to understand how very important these flippin GCSEs are to the next few years of her life. I'm not a pushy mum, preferring to sit in the background occasionally making encouraging noises, but am exasperated by her laid back attitude.

She makes GREAT plans for revision, timetables and stuff, but never gets down to the actual work and is falling further and further behind...

I will watch this thread with much interest for a suggestion that I haven't thought of, but I can assure you, OP, you're not a rubbish mum, in fact you sound quite lovely to me

Becles

I've got 15 and 13 year old boys and I've explained to them how the interview process works when they are getting a job. I've shown them my CV and explained that if an employer has a CV with someone who has a decent set of A-C grades, they're more likely to be picked for the job that someone who has C-G passes.

When they've said "I'll just resist" I've said the employer will have several people who left school at 16 with a set of GCSE's and one who left school with nothing and resat them at 17/18. Which person looks most attractive now - the ones who worked hard at school, or the one who looks like they put no effort in at school then realised they had to play catch up.

We've looked at jobs online and they've seen that having poor or no qualifications means you can only apply for minimum wage work in jobs they don't really want to do. They've looked at well paid work and the qualifications you need to do it, and now understand how important the GCSE's are.

If you've got time, it's worth sitting down and explaining all of this to them as I don't think they understand how important the GCSE's are and how it will impact on their working life.

bestpud

While she may just be a lazy teen, I think it's also possible she is genuinely struggling to cope as the demands on her increase.

I sailed through school until it came to starting O levels. At that point it all began to crumble for me and I ended up scraping through despite having a good understanding of the work. It was organising myself and the work that I had problems with.

I didn't have anyone to help with that so I just muddled through with school reports increasingly saying I was not applying myself properly etc. I was trying very hard but it just wasnt happening so I messed around rather than admit I was struggling. Tbh I didn't know I was struggling at the time - I grew to believe I was just lazy and not trying hard enough.

I don't know if this is the case for your dd but I wouldn't be too hasty to rule it out. If she is having genuine problems, it will only get worse as she progresses through her education.

Another possibility is she's just not managed to understand something and it's having a knock on effect. My son was getting poor grades despite knowing his subjects and when I sat down with him to try and figure it out it turned out he had no idea how to structure an essay!! Goodness only knows how his teachers missed that but they had!

Lastly, I would definitely try and do something about the speaking part of her English exam. Maybe they could do some practice talks or can help her in other ways. It's quite possible she is terrified and losing sleep over it.

Maybe it's worth arranging a meeting with the school? Do they have a mentor system or something similar?

Sorry that was long! In a nutshell, I think you should check all options as it may not be laziness.

ammonite

The not touching meat might be some form of OCD? I teach a student who refused to wear a lab coat & would walk out of the lesson. To an outsider she looked cheeky - in actual fact she had OCD and the thought of wearing a lab coat that she hadn't washed herself freaked her out!

gonzo127

run a simple solution with my 15 yo step daughter,

she is allowed total freedom with her school work, facebook, mobile phone, social life bed time etc UNTILL she either gets a detention for lack of homework etc or drops over 1 grade below her predicted grades (say shes predicted an A but starts coming home with a C) or drops below a C in English Maths or Science.

if that happens we (have had to do this once) sit down with her to discuse the reasoning behind it and what sort of action plan is needed to get her back on track, which usualy includes 'sanctions' on her social life facebook and mobile phone for a set period of time/until back on track.

our reasoning being that, her having the freedom to organise her life has not worked, and therefore she doesnt appear to be 'grown up' enough to deal with the responsibility that goes with the total freedom, although of course after the 'action plan' has run its course she has her freedom back to try again, and after the first time appears to have realised that having your time dictated to you isnt fun or cool - all in all its a version of being grounded without total social exclusion, instead has the much more uncool aspect of having had her parents set her strict time limits on such things as her bed time or ability to use her mobile phone :eek:

ok so she might not be being pushed to excel in her studies, but we at least know that she is close to where she should be, and in fact is learning valuble time management skills

thehappybutterfly

Lots and lots to think about there. I'm putting together an action plan along the lines of:

- Phone Guidance teacher for quick discussion
- Arrange meeting at school with her and possibly DD to discuss the issues and what we can both do - school and me and dad
- Download some career specs/job descriptions
- Download/purchase a homework/study planner (I wouldn't know where to begin setting one up myself)
- Draw a life map, i.e. here's where she is, there's where she wants to be, and this is the direction she's going if she doesn't make changes now.

Hopefully this will give her and me a few things to think about. I'm just waiting on her Guidance teacher returning my call to start the ball rolling.

If no-one minds, I'd love to pop back on here with updates.

Idiophreak

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

She wants to do something with cooking, possibly train as a Home Ec teacher

...she's started refusing to use certain ingredients as she doesn't like them or kicking up a fuss if she has to touch meat ...

... She's got a real phobia about public speaking

Have you discussed with her how incompatible this all is?

You can't be a home ec teacher, yet refuse to touch meat or speak in public...it just doesn't make sense!

It just seems like she hasn't really thought through what she wants to do in life - and without that, it's hard to explain the importance of school to her....

You could always try shock treatment...just put Jeremy Kyle on and say "this could be you..."