Facebook has popped my crazy vain!

coinxoperated

Ok, this is all my own fault for being nosey, but now I've put myself in a horrible situation.....


I've been with my current boyfriend for about 18 months, lived together for 12 months. Although we occasionally argue, we have a very good and healthy relationship and in truth, I would hate my life without him in it. I was single for a while before And although I do enjoy my own company, he really is my ideal partner.

Everything's been going really well, we seem to have the same sort of goals in life and were very similar.

Until a little part of me couldn't not look, and I found out his Facebook password.

I was cheated on before him, and with a password and log in details, I just couldn't resist having a quick look.

Now before we go down the trust route, I do trust him. Well did. I was purely looking to see if there was any reason not too.

Anyway. Nothing overly concerning until I clicked the message bit.

He's messaged himself names of women who are gothic models. Not just one or two, like names and names and names. He has 'liked' a few pages with these half naked women on, so they show up in his newsfeed. I have no issue with this, I just don't get why he needs to 'store' there names for future use?!

Last ones added were two hours ago....

These names are not girls he has added on facebook, and I can see no connection between them and him.

A part of me would understand if it was keeping some footage to 'use' when having some alone time, but he doesn't really get any because we're either working or together (generally his choice - in always offering for him to go out with friends etc etc).

So now I'm in that awkward position here I just want to ask him why but cant, because then he would know I was snooping! I don't want him too think I don't trust him, because I do, I guess I just want to make sure I am not being made a fool out ofz

How would you feel if your partner keys a list of girls who were attractive and updated it when he saw some more he liked?

Obviously I am a little insecure. I'm overweight and would prefer to be able to have my tattoos done etc etc but I don't because of work. Hes goes out of his way to try and make me feel good about myself. He obviously still finds me attractive, and we have a very active 'ahem' life...

But should I be concerned? Should I talk to him about it? How can I talk to him about it?

Argh

Seanymph

I don't understand what he's done - how can he send 'himself' messages - does he have two accounts?

moneypuddle

You can just send yourself a message easily - its more the content that she's concerned about.

moneypuddle

You'll get a load of people tell you off for snooping I would think, but it's done now, and you know what you know. I'm not sure there's a huge amount to worry about. It's maybe a bit of a fantasy, which might make you feel a little bad but isn't the end of the world. You've not found messages from girls.

thegirlintheattic

Shouldn't have looked.

If he wants to view pictures of half-naked girls that's up to him. You shouldn't be concerned - he's not contacting these girls.

Do not talk to him - if you do prepared to be dumped. I would not stay with a partner who had broken my trust.

msnigella

coinxoperated wrote: »

How would you feel if your partner keys a list of girls who were attractive and updated it when he saw some more he liked?

Erm, I wouldn't like it at all. It's not cheating or even virtual cheating but IMO it's not something a man in a committed relationship should do. It's a bit disrespectful.

I'd admit what you've done and talk to him about how you feel and why. I know it won't be easy but if you don't you'll resent him and end up blowing up over something else / confronting him anyway.

Good luck

BugglyB

I think perhaps if you felt good about yourself and your own body you wouldn't be as bothered?

SqueekyMouse

Well you know you shouldn't have been snooping, but it's done now. You have two choices:
1. Pretend you didn't log into his facebook and forget what you read and bury your worries and suspicions
2. Tell him you looked, explain you have lingering worries about fidelity and trust in relationships because you were previously cheated on, say sorry, ask about what you saw and see what he says.

I would go with option 2

Realistically you'll just continue to worry if you don't ask and that may effect your relationship worse in the long run than admitting you logged into his facebook and dealing with that particular problem. Plus if you can't be totally honest with your partner then what is the point? Relationships that last must have honesty.

You could take the opportunity to discuss your own issues with trust/self esteem/whatever and see if he can support you through them.

I have no idea why he would have a list of models names. I hope it's a good reason... but ultimately you have to believe what he tells you and move on

Bluemeanie_2

He looked at a few girls he finds attractive, don't worry about it. I look at pictures of Thor because I fancy him!

jetplane

You know facebook is dangerous, we now live in a world where we have no privacy. I am grateful that I grew up without all of this big brother technology 'cos it would have screwed parts of my life. I'm not that wicked but I've had my moments and I'm glad they remain locked in my own head.

It's hard not to snoop when presented with the opportunity but if we do look then we have to decide what to do with the information. This is about your own insecurites which will ruin your relationship if you allow it to.

I'm sure some of my fantasies and private conversations would have concerned my husband over the years but none of it has been a threat to our relationship. I've never been unfaithful, he has always had my loyalty and respect.

You have two choices

Ask him and destroy the trust.

Accept that you have done something regretful and respect your partners privacy.

coinxoperated

BugglyB wrote: »

I think perhaps if you felt good about yourself and your own body you wouldn't be as bothered?

True - But doesn't every woman have insecurities of some kind?