what is your opinion ?

maybebaybe

Is it ok to swear and scream at toddlers ?

Not going into too much detail but would you consider it acceptable that a parent should be screaming at toddlers to f*** off when they want attention amongst other things !!

I know as parents we can all get stressed but I for one would never dream of screaming at my kids of any age to f*** off. just dont believe this is acceptable, but maybe I am just out of touch or something because I think I am supposed to think this is ok behaviour !!

FATBALLZ

I think you already know the answer.

I_wanna_live_for_free

Absolutely NOT. Children do not need to be sworn at. Not ever.
In fact, I see this as unacceptable behaviour for anyone.

SmallL

Anysort of non-constructive 'telling-off' is nothing more than the parent losing control and their 'cool'. It definately won't help a child of whatever age.
I remember vividly of being told i was a 'stupid girl' by my parents, and i got very upset at this (was a rare occurance) because its not constructive and just damages the childs self esteem.

marisco_2

In my opinion swearing and screaming at a child of any age is not acceptable and undermines the adults position.

The toddler will not be able to make any sense of an adult behaving in such a way. All they will see is someone much bigger than they are out of control. This will most likely frighten the child and takes away any chance of the adult calming them down and being able to eventually reason with them.

I think most of us know that children like to push every button they can and see how quickly they can wind you up. Reacting by screaming and shouting plays right into their hands. It also sets them extremely bad examples of how to manage disagreements and disputes.

As a parent myself I can relate to how stressed kids can make you feel. I would rather go out into the garden and remove myself from the situation, count to [STRIKE]a hundred[/STRIKE] ten and then go back and deal with things properly than lower myself to speak to my children in that way.

What you observed OP was a sad example of an adult, who has probably been brought up badly themselves, and does not know how to interact positively with their child.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

My oh's daughter came round last week proudly claiming that her 18 month old nephew now said f off. :eek:

Obviously the parents must swear around him cos where else does he hear such language at that age. :cool:

If my 10 month old swore i'd be horrified in fact I go mad if I hear my 17 & 15 yr old son's swear. I wasn't brought up that way & can honestly say at the age of 39 that i've never heard either of my parent's swear.

I had an african grey parrot for 5 years & was quite insistant that no one ever swore infront of him as I think parrot's swearing is bad enough.

silvercar

maybebaybe wrote: »

Is it ok to swear and scream at toddlers ?

Not going into too much detail but would you consider it acceptable that a parent should be screaming at toddlers to f*** off when they want attention amongst other things !!

I know as parents we can all get stressed but I for one would never dream of screaming at my kids of any age to f*** off. just dont believe this is acceptable, but maybe I am just out of touch or something because I think I am supposed to think this is ok behaviour !!

I totally agree with you, but..

I'd rather a parent swear than hit a child.

Actually I'd rather a parent went in a different room and screamed, then returned to the child calmer.

jason1231972

Scream? No.
Swear? Absolutely not
Raise your voice? Depends - we're all humans with tempers, and nobody is the perfect parent

I witnessed something that unnerved me a few weeks ago, in a pub. I was in the gents', doing my business, when a man cam in with his little boy (too little to go to the toilet unattended). All the while as he was trying to pee, dad was shouting "effing hurry up, effing hurry up, just effing do it!" Effectively forcing a toddler to use the toilet quicker seemed bad enough, without the aggressive verbal abuse to boot.

maybebaybe

its my sisters partners chidren that are being treated like this, they have a child of their own and are both very anti swearing, my sister adores his kids but when she found out about this was very angry and came to me for my advice

When she told me I was also upset by it as I know the kids well too, she didn't know how to approach brother in law about it as she was scared how he would react, I advised her to just go speak to him about it.

Well she did, and apparently when he went round there he told her that he knew she had been screaming at the children and asked her if she would stop it, he told this to my sister when he came home and she asked him did you also ask her to stop swearing and telling them to f*** off and stop calling them names, and apparently he said no as he didn't want to rock the boat !!

She then said to him well we all shout at our kids sometimes but this is something more than just shouting and apparently he then gor angry with my sister and said that she obviously just wanted to cause problems between him and his ex.

She was devastated because all she wanted to do was get him to look out for his kids especially how she knows how anti this behaviour he is with his own child with her.

She rang me in tears about it as she feels at a loss as to be able to help in anyway and apparently, she has to just sit back and accept that children she adores are being treated in such a way and has had to agree to make no more mention of it, so basically just accept it is the norm.

I feel awful as I advised her to tell her husband what she knew and yes she knows it for a fact !! she was told by another member of the family who apparently has seen a lot of stuff and told my sister about it, apparently they nearly approached social services but spoke to my sister first with the hope that my brother in law knowing and saying something to her might be enough to put a stop to it.

But it seems he would rather not rock the boat.

I feel so sad for all concerned

marisco_2

Effing and blinding at a child whilst they try to use the loo seems counter productive to me. I wonder how that bloke would like some aggressive oaf, much bigger than him hollering and cursing at him to hurry up and take a whizz. He was lucky the kid didn't end up having an accident out of sheer panic.

marisco_2

OP I have just read your post about what your bil said to your sister. I should imagine that at the moment he is very upset and concerned that his children are being treated like this. It was not right that he spoke to your sister the way he did, however when we are stressed and suffering from anxiety, it can effect our judgement and verbal reasoning ability. To know that your children are being treated and spoken to in this manner must be horrendous.

I imagine he feels confused and worried at the moment about how to handle things so as not to antagonise his ex. She doesn't sound like the most stable of adults and she is responsible for his children at this time. If he does rock the boat with her maybe he fears that her verbal agression with them could turn physical. You dont mention how his ex reacted to him when he raised with her about the shouting. Maybe her response to him even mentioning what he did was really bad.

It sounds as if your bils ex is struggling. It wont take long before neighbours will notice what is going on. If I heard a neighbour of mine treating children in that manner I would report it. The children will be effected by being treated and spoken to in this manner. An astute teacher will notice any changes in them and address it.

If your sister raises this with you again it would be worth mentioning these points to her. Better that your bil and his ex work together to resolve this, than the authorities being notified by a 3rd party and then dealing with the fallout from that.