Such a mug

Maryland_Cookie

deleted for personal reasons

Anubis_2

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

Me that is...... Been seeing this bloke since the beginning of January, things were going really well at first. We had the usual chat about dating history etc and he told me it had been ages since his last date, he couldn't even remember when it was.....

Found out tonight that he was seeing a work colleague "a year or two ago but it fizzled out". They had been away together, to a place that we went, on holiday for his birthday, she met his friends and they are spending the day together tomorrow, which he was open and up front about - long story and something I thought was entirely innocent and she was repaying a favour (yeah right!).

The thing is I've met this girl and my gut instinct told me that there was more to it and I pushed it to one side. I'm so mad with myself. It's not so much that he dated her, we've all got history, it's the fact that when we had a conversation about it he never even mentioned it.

I feel now that the trust and honesty in our relationship has gone. Do you think I'm over reacting?

It's difficult to say about over reacting as only you know how things really are.

However - gut instincts when you meet someone should never be ignored in my book. I have never been wrong on a gut instinct, they always prove correct for me on meeting others, but gut instincts are something we may all ignore when emotions are involved, and something probably most of us have done (after all, you can't learn to listen to them without ignoring them first.)

Once trust has gone out of a relationship, then all that's left is a problematic relationship full of doubt.

However, I would definitely advise being upfront on how you feel with your partner, stewing in your feelings of mistrust can only serve to hurt you and will achieve nothing.

So my advice would be to sit and have a heart to heart about how things are making you feel, and take the next step from there. Good luck!

Maryland_Cookie

deleted for personal reasons

C_Mababejive

I am a little confused by your post. Could you perhaps clarify what it is all about?

Anubis_2

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

There were other things that I was starting to doubt, or wonder about, I think this might be "the straw that broke the camel's back" as they say.

As an isolated incident it perhaps does feel that I might have gone OTT, but as lots of things I'm now starting to put together I don't feel that I am.

I just feel such a mug, and hurt and embarrassed that I put myself in this position.

From what you say now as you are putting the jigsaw together it sounds like you have reached a decision within your heart already.

As for feeling a mug etc, try not to beat yourself up, where emotions are concerned our normal rational thinking goes out the window, leaving us open to being hurt. As long as you learn from it, nothing is wasted, and wisdom is gained

You had to go through the experience to know the experience - no point in beating yourself further, it will only hurt you more, give yourself a break, you are only human

Maryland_Cookie

Thanks Anubis, I am my own worst enemy for beating myself up, and its something I'm trying hard to work on. I like the thought that it is wisdom gained, I'll try and start thinking like that!

Thanks for your advice.

Anubis_2

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

Thanks Anubis, I am my own worst enemy for beating myself up, and its something I'm trying hard to work on. I like the thought that it is wisdom gained, I'll try and start thinking like that!

Thanks for your advice.

Yes... Wisdom... Something that can never be bought, and is always earned through the price of heartache. No one can ever take it away from you once you have paid the price. Just remember to embrace it so the same doesn't happen again because the same wisdom is only earned once, no need to suffer twice for it

JethroUK

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

..I feel now that the trust and honesty in our relationship has gone. Do you think I'm over reacting?

You're not over reacting - the guy is proper flaunting his 'activities' in your face to see how you react - and you're in self denial if you think it's anything other

you dont really need anyone to tell you what you should do - just blow him out

but you wont!! - you'll carry on denying anything is really going on - carry being a total mug - until eventually he gets bold enough to asks you to go downstairs and make the supper whilst he bonks her (or someone else) upstairs - well he needs to test your new mattress to see if it works doesn't he?

cobbingstones

Anubis wrote: »

Yes... Wisdom... Something that can never be bought, and is always earned through the price of heartache. No one can ever take it away from you once you have paid the price. Just remember to embrace it so the same doesn't happen again because the same wisdom is only earned once, no need to suffer twice for it

What a thoughtful and logical post. Learn by your past op and make your future a happy one.

Good luck

Lotus-eater

I'm confused....... he dated someone a year or 2 ago and they are spending the day together tomorrow (in what way? As a group, a romantic meal?)

He didn't mention to you that they were dating, yet said he hadn't had a date for ages, which was correct.

Tbh, I'm not surprised he didn't mention it to you, you sound completely irrational and ready to be jealous about anything,

JethroUK

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'm confused....... he dated someone a year or 2 ago and they are spending the day together tomorrow (in what way? As a group, a romantic meal?)...,

You must be the only one that is - apart from the OP that is desperate to believe it's not what it transparently appears to be