Problem Neighbours Making my Husband Want to Leave Home

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So he is more important than you and your baby. And would be prepared to dump thousands of pounds of debt on your head or make you and your baby homeless because he isn't happy.


But will say it's not his fault he abandoned you, the bad boys next door made him do it.

That's nice.

j.e.j.

I do sympathise. It sounds like the neighbouring house is now being used and rented out by the council or a housing associaion and, as can happen, you've now got the tenants from hell in there. A similar thing happened to someone I know, and I'm sorry to say the only way she solved it was by moving to a better area. I don't know much about mortgages, but is there no way at all you could transfer your mortgage and try and move somewhere else?

I know it's not right that you should have to move when someone else is causing the trouble, but I know from experience that this sort of behaviour tends to get ignored by those in charge, unfortunately.

JimmyTheWig

How serious is this health condition? Have you been with him to the doctors to hear what they're saying? Might it be worse than he's letting on?
To what extent is it a mental illness?

By walking away from you and the baby he will be making the rest of his life hell.
By the three of you walking away from the house you will, financially at least, be making your lives hell for many, many years to come.

I can think of three possible reasons for this...
1. He doesn't understand the implications of what he is suggesting (which is why I mentioned mental illness).
2. The stress is having a significant impact on what is a very serious illness (to the extent where, perhaps, the problems with the neighbours are literally killing him).
3. He wants out of the relationship and sees this as an escape route.

JimmyTheWig

j.e.j. wrote: »

I don't know much about mortgages, but is there no way at all you could transfer your mortgage and try and move somewhere else?

5 years into a 100% 30 year mortgage they're not going to have any equity to speak of - quite possibly in negative equity (especially as the problems with the neighbours will have to be declared when selling, which could reduce the price significantly).
5 years ago that might not have been a problem. Today it's a no-no.

Gingham_R

Sounds like he can't cope with it any more and needs you to accept that the situation is out of control. He can't put up with it and neither could I. Having a new baby and dealing with all night parties is going to be a unacceptable situation for you both.

I think he's right. You need to leave. Renting it out is an option. Maybe to someone even noisier than the neighbours.

kazwookie

Can you put a fence up to keep their dogs out of your garden?

Next as others have already said keep on at the council, 1 car for the area is NOT your problem, keep reporting it, phone and write.

Get the local police out to see you

Keep a record of all the noise / parties etc

pmlindyloo

Here's a good website:

http://www.nfh.org.uk/ (neighbours from hell)

Ames

Has he just come up with this about leaving or has he been trying for ages to get you to leave and maybe thinks that an ultimatum is the only way to get you to decide? (note, I'm not saying that it's ok to do that).

Have you talked about bringing up a child in this environment, it sounds like it'll make it even more difficult with things like sleeping, and if it carries on for years do you really want to have the neighbours influencing your child?

Maybe he's just trying to get you to see the bigger, longer picture?

I think that you both need to sit down and really talk about all of the issues, short term and long term. Because it sounds like neither of you are really listening to the other. You're not listening to his health concerns or taking his suggestions seriously. He's not listening to your practical concerns about debt and the upheaval of moving when pregnant.

I agree with the poster above about mental illness, I think that the situation is making you both depressed (who wouldn't be) and affecting your thinking and communication. And the lack of sleep can't be helping either.

Health (his, yours, the baby's) is far more important than bricks and mortar or even debt.

j.e.j.

Gingham_R wrote: »

Renting it out is an option. Maybe to someone even noisier than the neighbours.

This sounds like a very good idea. And if OP is in Bristol, there'll be students looking for places to live..? Actually, where we used to live it was the students who were making all the racket at night so that no-one in the street could get a night's sleep :rotfl:

euronorris

I agree Ames. 2 years is a long time to be putting up with this, especially when it's affecting his health.

I'd sit down with him and have a chat about the options you have. Specifically, staying and kicking up as big a fuss as possible with the council to get this sorted once and for all. Agree on a deadline for when you'd both like this sorted by them, and if it's still an issue then you agree to initiate plan b. ie, you move. Whether you rent out the flat and then rent somewhere else yourselves, or if you give up the house entirely, take on some debt from the negative equity (is that possible, I'm not sure how it would work with a mortgage) and effectively start again.

One thing is for sure. The situation cannot carry on as it is. Do you really feel any safer or more secure in that house, than you would renting a place in a nicer area? Do you really want to bring up your children around these people? I doubt it.

You may need to consider giving up your dog, or temporarily re-housing him/her with family/friends. It's horrid, and it's a last resort, but your family needs to come first here. Hopefully, you can find a solution that doesn't require you to do this though.

In the short term, would your husband benefit from having a break away from the house and neighbours. It doesn't have to be expensive, or even far. Heck, he can go stay with his folks for a week. Whatever. But giving him some time away from the situation will allow him to recharge his batteries, and come back stronger and more ready and able to tackle the situation (you should probably go with him too. I'm sure you also need a break).

I would also like to say that I don't think he's being selfish. Everyone has a limit, and he's reached his. He simply cannot cope with the current situation any longer. But with some time away, and knowing that there are options and you're in it together, he may well be able to re-focus and work with you towards resolving the situation in a more positive manner.

Good luck! I hope the meeting goes well today!