How to support my friend - transgender

Morganarla

Hey all :beer:

Looking for some advice...

A dear friend of mine has recently admitted to me that he is transgender. Tbh, I was a little bit shocked, he was the least likely person in my social circle to come out with that (or so I thought) but we've talked a lot and he is serious about how he feels, he's been aware of this since childhood but only just now brave enough to face it. He's only admitted this to a couple of friends and his now ex girlfriend (they're still very close).

His family are likely to be extremely unsupportive

He has unwavering support from me (and Dan) in his decisions, including a place to live should his family throw him out.

I've never had to deal with this before. I love the guy to bits. How do I support him fully? What can I do to make this transition easier for him?

Anyone that's been in his shoes, particularly with regards to his family, would be grateful for your views and advice especially x

McKneff

Hey, do you know, all you need to do is exactly what you are doing right now.

What a really good friend you are.

I'm female, (I point this out because most people think because of my user name I am male) and I am moved by your really really supportive post. Anyone who has a friend like you (and Dan) is fortunate indeed. Just keep on keeping on, bless you both.
xx
Annie

Morganarla

McKneff wrote: »

Hey, do you know, all you need to do is exactly what you are doing right now.

What a really good friend you are.

I'm female, (I point this out because most people think because of my user name I am male) and I am moved by your really really supportive post. Anyone who has a friend like you (and Dan) is fortunate indeed. Just keep on keeping on, bless you both.
xx
Annie

Aw thank you, your response has moved me too xx

faerie~spangles

He's your friend, nothing within your friendship should change.

Person_one

faerie~spangles wrote: »

He's your friend, nothing within your friendship should change.

Well, maybe the pronoun!

'He' may wish to go by a new name and be referred to as 'she' quite soon.

Morganarla

Gosh. Never quite thought about that point as plainly as that.

See, this is why I needed to ask, there is so much to think about, and having never dealt with it before I don't want to do/say anything wrong!

Person_one

I think its fine to ask questions, ask your friend what they need from you and so on. Don't forget, your friend has never done this before either!

Its silly to just try to carry on as normal, your friend has just started something incredibly brave and momentous, its good to acknowledge that.

lika_86

We had a transgender event at work and the speaker said the worst thing was that everyone seems to focus on their genitals as if asking is normal or acceptable. It's unclear from your post what stage your friend is at in terms of transitioning, but it sounds like it's early stages, maybe pre-female hormones?

Maybe later down the process it would be worth spending some girl time with your friend, all the things that come naturally to women because we've done things for years (make-up etc) are all new and so your friend may need some help there in terms of colours and application and stuff. If you have a supportive group of friends and can find someone nice, maybe later down the line if your friend wants, host a makeup party or something where everyone is trying new things and products.

Also, your friend may suffer abuse (sadly enough), make sure she knows you're there if it's been a bad day.

System

faerie~spangles wrote: »

Well done you for being a pedantic fekwit.

However this thread IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

In fairness, I don't think its actually that pedantic

How the OP refers to their friend will change once they start transitioning, and they aknowledged they hadn't considered that yet

Morganarla

faerie, Person_one raised a valid point for me, I REALLY hadn't considered the use of the appropriate pronoun or indeed the right time to change which one is used.

So please don't be hostile about it as it was useful for me, just as your point was. If you have a problem with Person_one, please take it off my thread, I'm struggling to deal with the topic I've raised and could do with support, not nastiness.

lollipopsarah

What a lovely friend you are, you are doing all the right things.
It's a very difficult thing for your friend to go through and sure as heck takes a lot of guts.
Best wishes to you all
xx