Finally worked up the courage to write it all down...

thatsean

Hey LL

Glad to see that things are moving in the right direction! How are you health wise? Doctor still want you to have time off?

LaughingLorna

In a bit of a trough health wise at the mo. Lots of domestic stuff at mo including mother in law moving in to our very small house after marriage break up. caused a big dip in quality of my work so havent been able to go for promotion yet and that with other family stuff meant i went back on pills. gutted after i spent so much time coming off. doc still thinks i shouldnt be working but ive tried to explain that working really perks me up and especially now it gets me out of house and takes my mind off stuff :-) very grateful to have a job in current climateespecially after what i had to go through in last place and won't be letting go of this job in a hurry. Awesome bunch of people and interesting work. just hard to do justice to job at mo with confidence still low and losing focus easily. plus pills make me quite foggy :-(

think its swings and roundabouts. some days it is really hard to get it together and feel up to getting out the door but it forces me to keep a foot in the real world and i think thats really important for getting through anxiety/depression issues. not sure it would help more to be at home tbh just would be different issues...

get so much help from on here though - gets me through. spoke to another friend about debt today as well and i think she has even more than me. she didnt want to go into specific figures but again it showed that so many ppl in same position..

citizenkitten

sorry to hear that Lorna, but take it one day at a time, trying to think big picture when you fog out is of no use. take it like life, some days will be bad, some days wil be good, try not to let it take over you. at the moment unfortunately the bad days may outweigh the good, but try to take advantage of the good when they happen.

easy to say i know, all of my family suffer with some form of depression, most of us suffer with SAD and genenral depression, there is Bipolar as well in our family.

whatever it is, if you dont feel comfortable posting most of us are just a PM away and I extend this to anyone.

thatsean

Hi Lorna, you're right that work does help - I felt at my worst that the routine alone was worth its' weight in gold. Although I did take some time off work, (8 weeks), I was ready to go back when I did.

Have you cut up your cards? It seems that without the temptation you might have one less stress - or all but one, if you're still using one as your day to day for whatever reason?

I know we've spoken about meds before, but I can't recommend reviewing them enough, it took me 4 to get it right - one lot and I thought i was actually going out of my mind! It's a long old journey, but there's plenty to laugh at when you look back.

LaughingLorna

Thank you both :-) for the support and advice. always appreciate others being generous enough to share own experiwnces. hope you are both feeling in a good place at mo. Am considering meds review but need to find a new doctor. my original doc left the pratice and relocated out of area. the locum is very good but only part time and the two still there look at you like you are roadkill on their shoe. been putting off going to see them and waiting to get my head in gear before i research local surgeries. also not sure how moving will affect continuity with therapy provision.

really need to think of a way to broach all this with my boss as they are putting quite a lot of pressure on (to try and help me push myself) but dont realise how it just makes all my symptoms worse. felt ungrateful but need to talk to them so they understand but dont want to put job at risk by saying too much.

have cut up all cards but 1 so removed temptation. the remaining one is just for cash flow and set to monthly repayment dd. am determined to break this pattern!!

thatsean

Well done for chopping up the cards!

I know what you mean about Doctors - my surgery is a drop in centre, so no patient has their own GP, when I asked one doc about a meds review she sighed and said the it wasn't like stopping aspirin to try paracetamol. She wasn't laughing so much when I put in a formal complaint to the practice manager and the trust!

Work can be a tricky one - how is your relationship with your boss? A lot of people have real prejudices about mental health issues, infuriatingly so - and can be very dismissive. That said, I was shocked by some of the support that I got in my old job, many people were very very supportive.

Keep smiling!

LaughingLorna

Hi Sean

Sorry you had to go through that with your doctor - still surprised how ignorant some in the medical profession are about these issues. Mine have mostly either been dismissive or useless.

My boss has been massively supportive so far but doesnt understnad that sometimes the way i'm feeling isnt at all logical! :-(

citizenkitten

chopping up the cards! well done you!

good to hear your boss is being supportive, she/he will learn at some point, it is very hard for people to grasp sometimes exactly what you mean or feel.

i know for me I will never really that emotion of "going with the flow" "easy going" etc, i am completely the opposite and to me it is just one of lifes mysteries! LOL

LaughingLorna

Thanks ck, i used to go with the flow and be happy doing it but not so much now! just found out today that my job is changing yet again so even more change which isnt ideal for me but at least it shows theyre still interested in developong me. with my boss...i think its just hard for people to appreciate how irrational emotiinal issues can be until they experience them. always a bit wary of revealing too much as well...it really helps being able to talk to everyone on here too.

did some comfort spending in my recent bad patch so now looking for things to return/ sell/ save...feel crap about it but i really did need new work clothes :-(

citizenkitten

i comfort spent too, dont worry, dont feel bad about it, it will only make your spending worse.

you cant go to work naked! and thank god my colleagues dont, i would pay for clothes if they needed it LOL!