Splitting up - what happens to the profit from the house sale?

MandM90

friendofchocolate wrote: »

The_cat, I'm not "intending" anything. I was simply asking whether it would be possible. I accept that it's not. But I was never planning on "hiding" anything - just putting it aside for a decade or so! In an ideal world, don't you think that society would see it as desirable that I have assets to put my kids through university and become useful members of society? Helping to safeguard them against becoming drains on the state 20 or 30 years down the line? I know, I know, it's all a bit too utopian and hippy-dippy. :-D

Of course I'm contributing financially - I'm saving the family around £2k a month in childcare at the moment! Though most people don't see it like that - for some reason, staying at home to look after your children - despite the fact that I frequently slave away on the computer in the evenings till after midnight - is seen as the lazy option.

Either way it will make no difference, if you spend the money now and don't have it to spend on education then, if your income is low at that time they will probably get enough grant/bursary to actually be better of than their parent funded uni friends. That is, of course, assuming the system will even remotely resemble the one we have now in ten years time.

SandC

It always amazes me how on splitting up or divorce couples expect their lifestyles to remain the same - but with 2 households to run that just isn't possible and that's the reality that has to be faced.

OP you don't mention just how much your ex is going to contribute in terms of helping out. Will he be living close by? As a SAHM I appreciate that you will have done the majority of parenting but splitting up often means that the children end up spending far more quality time with the absent parent than they ever did before and the absent parent could quite easily end up getting more involved in the day to day stuff than previously.

At the end of the day you are going to have to live off the funds you are given (if that is the route you decide to go down) or start working on a more regular basis. There is no way around that. And you need to stop thinking that your ex is going to breeze off with £40k in his pocket and no responsibilities. He's going to find himself with a lot more responsibilities towards the children than he had before but you know what - think positive. He might just like that and you and he can work something out between the two of you that works.

GobbledyGook

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Loads of people say that but it's usually total crap isn't it... We've painted a couple of rooms in ours, but if that's put more than the £20 we paid for the paint onto the value of the house I'll be amazed. People just like to think doing a bit of dusting, hammering nails and painting justifies the £100k of equity that has magically appeared.

Hence why I said 'if they bought a wreck'. Not talking about people putting on a coat of paint, but people (like the ex and I) who bought a complete wreck of a house that needed redone from the floorboards up rather than painted. When it came to our divorce the equity truly was 'hard earned' given that we'd given up most of our weekends for 3 1/2 years and done as much of the work as we could ourselves.

babymoo

Mojisola wrote: »

So did her OH but he could walk away with £40k in his pocket and carry on working full-time.

Granted I totally agree that he shouldn't be getting away with that but then the law is never fair when it comes to children. Perhaps he will put his 40k into savings for his children to go to university with. It doesn't neccesarily mean he will be living the high life.

tooldle

Nothing to stop the OP and her ex putting the kids into daycare. They can then both work to support themselves and kids, and both spend their 40K how they wish. Horses for courses.

Dinah93

You've said it yourself - you've made the choice to care for your own children, money isn't infinite, and you have decided what is best for your family is you staying home with them rather than owning your own home. Thats your decision and your priority. Feel grateful you even have the choice, many can't afford to stay home with their children AND are in rented and would love to own but can't afford to, at least you've made your choice, just accept you can't have it all and make peace with this decision. If it is still weighing heavily on you maybe it's time to sit down with a glass of wine and be honest with yourself about what you think your priorities are in your life, and work to structure your life accordingly.

The other thing to bear in mind is there is nothing to stop you returning to work when the children are in school and starting to save up again at that point. Your financial future isn't sealed just by having to use your savings in the hard times to get you back to the good times, thats what savings are for after all.