Splitting up - what happens to the profit from the house sale?

Mojisola

thorsoak wrote: »

Your OH will, of course be paying child maintenance, won't he? Had you thought about staying in the same house, and re-negotiating the mortgage - paying interest only until the children are at school and you could re-enter the job market?

When there are children involved, you may well have a right to stay in the house (provided of course that the mortgage is paid) and your OH may have to wait until the children are out of education before he gets back any equity that he held/holds in the house. He could also be put in the position of guaranteeing your mortgage.

You really need to explore this option before agreeing to sell the house. The children's father should be paying maintenance and you will be able to claim benefits. The CM does not affect benefit entitlement.

Do the sums and see if it's better to stay where you are.

There are plenty of families where the parents both work who aren't able to give their children £40k to go to uni!

newcook

friendofchocolate wrote: »

Apologies for sounding lentil-weavery, *newcook*, but I'm bringing up the next generation. I would have hoped to have the £40k LOCKED AWAY FOR YEARS in the bank to provide for their future, specifically university, with a view to them becoming extremely useful economic contributers to society in a couple of decades :-D It's not quite as simple as "you paying my rent". I appreciate that this is the way the country currently works, however.

While that’s all well and good that you want to put away money for your childrens education, who’s to say that they will want to go to university?!

YOUR children need a roof over their heads and food in their belly and YOU have the funds for that. Is it possible for your ex to help towards childcare as well as paying maintenance so you can go back to work (full or part time)? after all, they are his children too.

Mrs_Imp

The reality of university is that most students will never pay off their debt and it'll be written off after 30 years. It's become more like a tax (although that's a whole other discussion) so I really wouldn't worry too much about Uni fees etc. It'll do them good to budget anyway. Most of my friends who got in to financial difficulty at university were those with parents who gave them money - either a lump sum or by paying their rent.

mintymoneysaver

friendofchocolate wrote: »

Apologies for sounding lentil-weavery, *newcook*, but I'm bringing up the next generation. I would have hoped to have the £40k LOCKED AWAY FOR YEARS in the bank to provide for their future, specifically university, with a view to them becoming extremely useful economic contributers to society in a couple of decades :-D It's not quite as simple as "you paying my rent". I appreciate that this is the way the country currently works, however.

But I don't understand why that money should be saved for your children when it is available for you to spend it. Then you wouldn't need to rely on benefits, could rent somewhere and live fairly well. Especially with child tax credits, a job ( albeit part time) and maintenance. I've been bringing up the next generation too, but I've never relied on benefits to do it, and it would never ever occur to me to spend some as quickly as possible so I could get housing benefit.

Gigglepig

I am sorry to hear that you are becoming financially worse off as a result of divorce - but sadly this is quite common. It sounds like you need to focus on how you can earn a good living to support yourself and your family.

Some thoughts/options/possibilities

1) Agree to stay in the jointly owned house until children turn 18, then split profits with ex. This depends on whether you can handle the mortgage/living costs. Seek legal advice on this one.
2) Keep living with the ex. Some people don't afford to divorce, for financial reasons. May not work for all...!
3) Split the childcare 50-50 with your ex. This way you won't get CSA, but you may have 2.5 days a week when you can work, without having to pay for childcare.
4) Have the kids most of the time, but take as many part time jobs as you can fit in when they are at their dad's. Can he have them on weekends? This requires that the ex is reliable, and means you won't have much of a social life, but again an opportunity to work without paying for childcare.
5) Some (very very lucky people) have family members who can provide childcare for free, while they work. Is there anyone who could help?
6) Do you have any friends in the same situation, who could share the childcare to reduce costs?
7) suggest that the kids live with the dad and see you on weekends, that way he'll be responsible for paying childcare and you will owe him child maintenance payments based on your income. This way you'll be better off financially, but he will have more time with the kids....

In any case, unless your ex has the kids 50% he should pay child maintenance - if you are no longer amicable the CSA can help. Many responsible parents pay more than the legal minimum -but keep in mind your ex may be worse off financially too as a result of the divorce.

Edited to say - it won't be easy but things are likely to get better in the long run. Perhaps once you get settled there is also something you can do to improve earning potential (work experience/qualifications).

mintymoneysaver

friendofchocolate wrote: »

Why should I have to fritter away the money I have accumulated through hard work, simply because I am now caring for my young children?

Isn't that what every working person with children does every day? I've worked hard today, and then come home and frittered it away on food for my children and a pair of school shoes for them. Nothing for me...and there very rarely is.

Mojisola

I can understand how aggravating this discrepancy is -

friendofchocolate wrote: »

Why should I have to fritter away the money I have accumulated through hard work, simply because I am now caring for my young children?

My ex-partner will not have to do this with his £40k - he can invest it, put down a deposit on a second property, etc etc. Fair?

It does seem like a tax on being the parent with care.

fluffnutter

friendofchocolate wrote: »

Why should I have to fritter away the money I have accumulated through hard work, simply because I am now caring for my young children?

What else is this money for if not your children? Why does anyone who has kids earn money? It's to support their family.

I suspect they'll be chuffed to know that mummy thought putting a roof over their heads and food on the table for them was 'frittering' away money

Dawning

I thought this case was as simple as changing mindset..however I looked at old posts, and notice the OP's previous 2 threads on MSE have both been controversial and both threads got locked.
Here's the most recent one
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1900847

I suspect this one is just another to try to get everyone's drawers in a twist.

DFFT everyone!

Amanda65

I don't see that you will necessarily walk away with equal shares from the profit as any court will look more favourably in the parent with care. I wouldn't sign anything without seeing a solicitor and finding out your legal position, which includes how much the childs father will have to pay in maintenance.

As for frittering away the money, I can see how it's unfair that your OH is goign to be in a better position financially but ultimately the choice seems to be more money or choosing to SAH with little one - a choice thousands of us have had to make, in relationships or not