Bit of advice please

BlackHoleSun

Bit of a background first.

Live with my parents who I don’t get on with at all. Have ajob which I really don’t enjoy anymore, don’t get on with the majority of thepeople I work with and feel really out of place there. Have no friends here andso no social life either.

So, I’ve been thinking for the last few days if its time forme to move away and start all over again. I feel like I can’t be myself here, I’mgay and none of my family know so for the last few years I’ve been living a lieand I’m not sure how much longer I can cope with it. I can’t come out to thembecause I know they won’t accept it.

I’m struggling so much with work and have come close toquitting so many times, my boss is aware and so far has managed to talk mearound but I know that the next time I say it it will be the end for me. I knowa lot of people don’t enjoy their work but when you work in my sector if youdon’t enjoy it you need to get out.

The lack of a social life is starting to really bother me, I’monly 23. When I’m not working I’m just sat in the house doing nothing. I wantmore than that. But I know that if I stay here I’m not going to get it.

I moved out a couple of months ago and although it helped alot, I still wasn’t happy. That’s why I know if I do it it has to be somewherenew where I can be myself and not worry about people finding out all the time.

So, can you think of any reasons I should stay? Or is itworth the risk to be happy for a change?

TamVilla80

Are you 100% sure your parents wouldn't understand you being gay?

Either way, it sounds like being brave and making a change could be the best thing for you if you really aren't that happy. Life is for living, not existing. What would you like to do, any ideas?

Stephb1986_2

I'm not much older than you. I've lived on my own and with parents and I will be honest the grass isn't always greener on the other side you have bills upon bills to pay you won't have a social life because you will work every hour god sends to pay the bills.

What sort of work are you doing? Perhaps change job or maybe find a flat local to your parents to rent? What is the gay scene like near you?

Don't be too hasty with making your decision. Work out pros and cons. Maybe you should be honest with your parents about your sexuality I think maybe that's a reason why your unhappy too, my cousin was 17 when he came out, I was 16 and in college with a lad who is a good friend of mine he came out after a few months of college. But obviously if you don't feel comfortable don't my guess is that your parents probably already know.

Chin up yeah

Steph x

NickyBat

Only you can answer the questions, as it sounds as though you are not happy with any area of your life.................only you can change that.

motherofstudents

yeah, I get the impression you are not very happy full stop. You don't get on with parents, work colleagues, don't like work....I'm not having a dig at you, not at all but I wonder if you did tell your parents it might be a weight off your mind.

I don't know how they would react but sometimes it is not what you would expect. Could you retrain, do a uni course etc ?

If you feel really low, how about a trip to your GP ?

I know it's not much consolation, but there are lots of people in your situation, you are not the only one to feel like this even though it probably feels that way.

Are there any gay support groups you could contact ?

I hope you can find what you are looking for. Your whole life is ahead of you and you don't want to waste a minute of it.

BlackHoleSun

Believe me, i know how they would react and I know they have no idea. Telling them really isn't an option. If I thought they would take it well I would have told them by now.

Its the place I work in more than the job itself. I work with 6 other people, i've tried everything I can to get on with them all but its proving impossible.

BitterAndTwisted

Before you can come out to your parents you need a bit of practice by being out to lots of other people first.

Please beware thinking that if you make one radical change to your life that it will be the solution to all of the problems you have. It rarely works like that. But if you're certain that you'd be happier living somewhere else, where you will be able to make friends and be your true self, then get packing and just go.

Have you ever considered that you're not at your work to get on with people? That perhaps your anxiety about not getting on with them is being brought into focus because you don't have a tribe of friends outside of it? The work-place is not the ideal place to make friends. That's not what you're there to do. Cordial but distant relationships are often best.

sexpot

Hi,first of all what is it that you dont get on with your work mates? Have you got just 1 person you can talk to, why dont you get on with you family.
I found out my son was gay 12 months ago. I really dont care as long as he is happy.

BlackHoleSun

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Have you ever considered that you're not at your work to get on with people? That perhaps your anxiety about not getting on with them is being brought into focus because you don't have a tribe of friends outside of it? The work-place is not the ideal place to make friends. That's not what you're there to do. Cordial but distant relationships are often best.

I do understand that but its not that simple unfortunately. Although I work with 6 others, only 2 of us work at any given time. When you're with someone for at least 6 hours at a time, not getting on with them makes things really difficult.
I know i'm not there to make friends, thats not what this is about. I don't want to make friends with them.

19lottie82

Why don't you try and get a pt bar job, just one or two nights a week. That's a ready made social life and a lot of places don't ask for experience

marisco_2

BlackHoleSun wrote: »

I moved out a couple of months ago and although it helped alot, I still wasn’t happy. That’s why I know if I do it it has to be somewherenew where I can be myself and not worry about people finding out all the time.

So, can you think of any reasons I should stay? Or is itworth the risk to be happy for a change?

When you moved out a couple of months ago why were you still not happy? Were you living nearby your parents? I dont think moving somewhere new will solve all your problems.

I get the impression that you feel suffoctaed by your life at present. That you live this restricted existence because you fear people finding out about the life you crave leading. Even if you move away I think you would always be looking over your shoulder wondering if you might get caught out. This concern could still inhibit how you live.

What would be the worst that could happen if you did sit down with your parents and tell them about your sexuality? You are an adult now and how you chose to live your personal life is your business. You wouldn't be asking for their approval. I think if you told them it would lift a huge weight from your shoulders. They can decide to accept it or not. It may effect your relationship with them but it already sounds as if that is strained.

I hope you can decide on a way forward that makes you happy and your life fulfilling.