Bit of advice please

suki1001

BlackHoleSun wrote: »

I've sat here with my parents and heard the comments they make when they read about or see a gay person on tv, they wouldn't take it well at all.

I know plenty of people like this. It's a generational thing. My fil does it "Them bloomin poofters, shoving it in your faces!". However, I know if one of his grandson's came out, that he wouldn't react like that. I think most parents like this who shout at the telly would find the reality is that when they have a member of the family who's gay are actually more supportive than you'd imagine. I think for most parents the reaction isn't because they're gay, it's because they might be expecting grandkids and they just need to get used to that idea.

More than likely they'll support you, because they love you and whatever they think, there love for you as a son, will overcome any feelings of anti-gayness. If that isn't the case, then it's their problem, but at leadt you'll know. Is it possible they might suspect anyway? I mean you obviously probably don't bring girlfriends back.

I don't think their reactions to the telly will be the same towards you.

I once had a friend who I was so certain was gay, he never said anything (which is fair enough), but I happened to go to a bar on canal st and there he was working behind it!!

dancingfairy

It might be easier though if you weren't dependent on them to provide a roof over your head.
What about uni? Have you been to uni? Do you fancy moving away to do a course somewhere? (ie learn something useful and meet people and start afresh?).
I would also look into one of the helplines as well - just to have people to chat to in the same/similar position.
It's hard though.
I wish you all the best.
df

Jo84_2

(((hugs)))

I really feel for you and understand your situation.

Growing up my mum would make comments whenever someone who was gay was on the TV.

My 19 year old brother came out last year and we were all worried about my mums reaction so I sat down with her and talked about it.

She was very honest with me and said she felt it was because of her/the way she brought us up (him and 4 females) and blamed herself.

I just said to her ''is she still your Daniel? Is he still your son, and is he any different than yesterday?''

Of course she said he'll always be my son and he's no different.

She slowly came to accept that this was who he was.

So please, just because your mum makes comments which indicate she won't approve, in reality she probably will.

Best of luck!

You can only be yourself

JoJo x

LurkerTurnedPoster

BlackHoleSun wrote: »

This isn't the first time I've thought about moving away, its been in the back of my mind for over a year now. I'm not close to my family at all so although it would be difficult I know I could cope with it.

I've sat here with my parents and heard the comments they make when they read about or see a gay person on tv, they wouldn't take it well at all.

I have a solution. I adopt you, become your new Mummy and protect you with my love.

I hereby swear to:
a. Always see the good in you.
b. Encourage your personal development.
c. Never embarrass you in front of your friends.
d. Be very proud of you and show you off to my friends.
e. Help you launch and get a job you can be happy in forever.
f. Cook you nice Mummy puddings if your heart ever gets broken, then remind you you are the best looking lad on the planet and they are aaaaall lucky to meet you.

BlackHoleSun

LurkerTurnedPoster wrote: »

I have a solution. I adopt you, become your new Mummy and protect you with my love.

I hereby swear to:
a. Always see the good in you.
b. Encourage your personal development.
c. Never embarrass you in front of your friends.
d. Be very proud of you and show you off to my friends.
e. Help you launch and get a job you can be happy in forever.
f. Cook you nice Mummy puddings if your heart ever gets broken, then remind you you are the best looking lad on the planet and they are aaaaall lucky to meet you.

Aww, thats so nice. Thank you.
But one thing, I'm actually a girl!

LurkerTurnedPoster

BlackHoleSun wrote: »

Aww, thats so nice. Thank you.
But one thing, I'm actually a girl!

LOL - I can adopt you as my daughter!

podperson

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to move. I moved across the country over 2 years ago now and it was the best thing I ever did - have a better job, am working towards a career I want and have a much wider social life.

Saying that though we did need to look at in a very practical way for it to work. Sit down and work through it, do you have some places in mind where you want to move to - have you looked at job options there, housing prices, social events. How much would you need to save up for a deposit and to survive on until you found a job, how much can you afford to save a week, would you want to go into a similar job to what you're doing now or is that part of the problem - if so do you need to retrain and is that something you could look at straight away.

I know we weren't happy where we were for a long time but we kept putting off doing anything about it - it was easier to stay put and there was always some kind of excuse to put off actually starting on the practical side. At the end of the day though you need to put the effort into changing the things you don't like about your life - maybe they will be helped by moving, maybe there are different ways to look at them, but if you want things to change then you need to take action on them. I really wish we'd done it years ago, so good luck with whatever you decide x

Cat501

hey hun You say you know your parents won't take it well, and chances are you're right....I guess not all parents take it well, or even come round in time. Does that mean you're going to keep it a secret from them forever? You don't deserve that, and neither does any future girlfriend of yours And I'd think there will come a time when it will be impossible to keep it quiet anyway. So the sh*t's going to hit the fan one day, it's not a matter of if, it's when. For your mental health, it might as well be sooner than later but that is just my personal opinion!!

Life's too short hun - my daughter lost her girlfriend suddenly last year but at least they had happy times together - openly . Wishing you the best of luck with everything - and if you have the freedom to move and start again, go for it - nothing's irreversible and you can always go back! xxx

BlackHoleSun

Cat501 wrote: »

Does that mean you're going to keep it a secret from them forever? You don't deserve that, and neither does any future girlfriend of yours And I'd think there will come a time when it will be impossible to keep it quiet anyway. So the sh*t's going to hit the fan one day, it's not a matter of if, it's when. For your mental health, it might as well be sooner than later but that is just my personal opinion!!

They're not going to want to know me if they find out so I will be keeping it a secret for as long as possible. As hard as it is not being able to be myself with them its also easier, if that makes any sense at all.


Money isn't an issue when it comes to moving away, got quite a lot of savings anyway and I know where I want to move and would be able to get a job relatively quickly. None of that worries me.

podperson

BlackHoleSun wrote: »

Money isn't an issue when it comes to moving away, got quite a lot of savings anyway and I know where I want to move and would be able to get a job relatively quickly. None of that worries me.

So, what is that is worrying you? Don't have to answer on here but if you've been thinking about it for a while, you have the means in place to do it and you think it would improve your life then what is it that's holding you back? Maybe if you look at that you'll be closer to making a decision.