Debt free wannabe, getting in more debt, urgent help

Becks_in_Debt

katglasgow wrote: »

Hi Becks,
I hope your holiday is good and given you time to chill.
I felt like at lot of what your going thru a few years back, although perhaps I am lucky as my hubby seemed to sort out his addiction problem much quicker after he initally came clean to me - he has had 2 small relapses but very minor and last one was over a year ago.
When it all first happened he arranged to have his salary paid into my bank account. Everything in his name was cancelled but his credit rating is shot to pieces now anyway. I used to give him an agreed sum "pocket money" on a weekly basis. It was over a year before we changed this and he now has a very basic cash card bank account (no credit/swith/OD facilities) and his pocket money goes in here every week. We had a rare night out last sat and had a great time, we were chatting about stuff and he said to be he feels so much better about stuff now as although his account never has much in it he knows he can spend it on whatever he wants and feels so good about not lying and sneaking about.
I hope things improve for you. I guess the other thing we have in common is that this all happened to me just as my son turned 1 and I started back a work. I ended up taking antidepressants for a while which were a big help to me and was evetually able to reduce my hours at work to 30hours (the saving in nursery fees and travel and extra tax credits actually more of less cancelled out the loss in income). Look after yourself and if you are feeling rough please seek help it will get better. xxx
Why not go on holiday just the 2 of you? your OH has to understand that if you spend money then it is no longer available, there are consequences to his actions.

OH was doing really well, I dont know what has happened to him these last few mths, but he had gone about a yr without gambling, I am fed up of threatening to leave if he doesnt stop lying, it isnt healthy for the DD to see us like that but like I have said when things are good we are both really happy, all relationships have there bad points, if a relationship was perfect it wouldnt feel right, it's like people, nobody is perfect.
His wages are already paid into my account and I am in the process of having a cash card account set up for him, so I can pay his pocket money in there, just waiting for a possport to use as ID.
OH knows I am not giving in anymore when it comes to money, he wants to go on a pi$$ up this sat night with some friends, I have told him he can but he will be spending his passport money which means he wont be coming on holiday, he soon said he would stay in with me and DD,
I hate being this b***h, that doesnt trust him and questions every time he asks for money, or where he is going, I have even told him I dont want him being friends with the bloke he used to go casino with, not becuase I have a problem with him as OH is bigger nough to say "NO i dont want to" but I feel if he hangs around with him he will v easily go off the rails totally again, he's easily led.
I feel like I am his mother

Becks_in_Debt

Hi Lucy1982, I am not too bad today still stressed ,me and OH had nice night, he took me outside and sat with me whilst I tried to get used to the car, today I got it started on the 4th attempt leaving home and the 1st attempt leaving nursey, took me 15min again last night leaving work.
Paying somebody to help you get ready, I would love to see these dresses, how hard can they be lol
Well I turned my phone off last night, couldnt be doing with talking to my friend, turned it on at 9.30pm though, within 5 mins she was ringing me, just ignored it, then she sent me a concerning text and e-mail saying "she does not understand what our other friend is going on about as I havent said that I am def not doin tues night, and if I have any problems I can just ring/text/e-mail her" apparantly not received the e-mail I sent, not the 1st time this has happened, I sent her a text months ago saying I couldnt afford to pay for the bridesmaids dress and pay for the spa, and the hen do, and the hair for wedding, and the make up for wedding, and the hotel. Again she said she never received this text 3/4 pages long, one text/e-mail not received fair enough but two, she is either burring her head in the sand and thinks if she pretends she never received it, she wont have to act on it and we can all carry on being buddies, or her OH is so bessoted by her he deletes them before she reads them, joint e-mail etc. So nothing sorted for me on the friends front
Yay, OH got paid today as well :j , all the money will soon be gone, not on gambling but the holiday and bills/debts
How did you manage to knock down your break down cover? Good news anyway, extra money in your pocket.
We go on holiday on the 1st May :T .

Lucy1982_2

I got my break downcover reduce by telling them I could get the same level cheaper somewhere else! Which I could. I like a good level of cover for my own peace of mind and as I didn't use it last year I already had £25 knocked off it and managed to reduce the monthly payments to £9.90 (Yes know I could have got it cheaper still!) but they started at £12.93!

The bm dresses are corsets, so we need to be laced into them. So getting an expert to lace us in is probably a good thing, all I'd need is to get half way down the aisle and the dress fall off :eek:

Sounds like your friend needs a reality check. My cousin had one last night when she realised she's put on so much weight her dress doesn't fit her! Have you managed to tell her that you can't afford everything yet? If not I think you need to talk to her about it.

But I'm pleased your OH decided to stay in with you and go on holiday, sounds like he realises you mean business this time! Hopefully he'll learn some self control soon and you wont have to act like his Mother!

Becks_in_Debt

I could do with a corset as part of my dress, I feel like I have put on weight, all this stress is no good,

I LOVE CHOCOLATE AT THE MIN :drool: lol

Lucy1982_2

I love chocolate every minute!

But I've lost loads of weight recently so I've had to cut it out. But 4 stone has been worth it.

Becks_in_Debt

Lucy1982 wrote: »

I love chocolate every minute!

But I've lost loads of weight recently so I've had to cut it out. But 4 stone has been worth it.

wow 4 stone, you have done good, keep off the chocolate and keep up the good work. I will start on a diet once I can afford it, it's expensive eating heathily (my opinion)

Lucy1982_2

I can be more expensive. But it's well worth doing, although as I have to replace my wardrobe every now and again, it's not very money saving! :mad:

How there do seem to be far more cheap clothes shops when your slimmer!

Becks_in_Debt

Oh def, and they are so much nicer designs, I miss shopping in Morgan and Jane Norman (def shop's for the skinnier person)
I am off to the next staff shop tonight, cheap clothes for the hols, handy knowing somebody who works for next, got loads of stuff for the house, I dont mind spending loads when I go there as tops are only £2, so I can get a whole new wardrobe for a bargain, first time I have been since about sept last year (i am so excited)

Lucy1982_2

Becks_in_Debt wrote: »

Oh def, and they are so much nicer designs, I miss shopping in Morgan and Jane Norman (def shop's for the skinnier person)
I am off to the next staff shop tonight, cheap clothes for the hols, handy knowing somebody who works for next, got loads of stuff for the house, I dont mind spending loads when I go there as tops are only £2, so I can get a whole new wardrobe for a bargain, first time I have been since about sept last year (i am so excited)

This is true and with the summer coming I am going to enjoy myself! Although I may have to resist the need to buy new clothes... I think it may just be worth me staying at home!

ZTD

Becks_in_Debt wrote: »

I hate being this b***h, that doesnt trust him and questions every time he asks for money, or where he is going,

But on the other hand, you are doing this as a direct result of his behaviour. Aren't you? And if you didn't it would impact on the quality of life for you and your daughter.

Someone who cares for their daughter over an easy life for their self - is no biitch.

Becks_in_Debt wrote: »

I feel like I am his mother

Sometimes you have to be that. Hopefully one day, he will be able to support you emotionally...