Debt free wannabe, getting in more debt, urgent help

Becks_in_Debt

Well i have just sent my friend an e-mail, as she has told us we are meeting up on tues for a dress fitting (it has been this sat for months), she has changed it and expects to us fit in, I have told her I have got to much on with the holiday and stuff and I appreciate she is stressed with the whole wedding but we have all got our problems and stresses, and all I want is a friend every now and then, that was good compared to what it would of been had I replied when I read her e-mail this morning, that wsnt to harsh was it, am i taking it out on the wrong person?

Lucy1982_2

I wouldn't have said so.

I have my last dress fitting tonight (the joy!) and my cousin has been a bit like that the whole way through. The problem she has involves her getting what she wants and if she doesn't she kicks up such a stink we all give in! :rolleyes:

Then I'm a firm believer in making time for my friends, they are the ones that stick with you through thick and thin regardless what happens. Or at least they should be!

But I am sure if you get the number of the Bridal shop you'll be able to book an appointment to suit you, not someone else!

beanielou

No I dont think its to harsh.
friendship should be a two way thing.
Depending on when the wedding is maybe you could pull out of being a bridesmaid.
as you say its an expensive buisness!

Becks_in_Debt

Lucy1982 wrote: »

I wouldn't have said so.

I have my last dress fitting tonight (the joy!) and my cousin has been a bit like that the whole way through. The problem she has involves her getting what she wants and if she doesn't she kicks up such a stink we all give in! :rolleyes:

Then I'm a firm believer in making time for my friends, they are the ones that stick with you through thick and thin regardless what happens. Or at least they should be!

But I am sure if you get the number of the Bridal shop you'll be able to book an appointment to suit you, not someone else!

Every time we arrange to do something she cancels, unless the wedding is involved, we have tried arranging things months in advance and told her not to double book and she always cancels, she goes mardy if me and other friend meet up with out her and even sent my other friend a text saying "ok, hope you both die, sorry mean have a good time" how immature .
Her OH mum is doing the dress fitting, so not as easy,

beanielou wrote: »

No I dont think its to harsh.
friendship should be a two way thing.
Depending on when the wedding is maybe you could pull out of being a bridesmaid.
as you say its an expensive buisness!

The wedding is in june, I have wanted to pull out for a long time, but it will cause to many hard feelings and there is the 3 of us that always (use to) hang out togeher

Lucy1982_2

Doesn't sound good.

My best mate went through a phase like that until I had a mental at her on Christmas eve (not something I would recomend!) But it worked and she is making more of an effort.

She is trying to get her OH to drive her down to see me sometime soon, she still needs to meet my new OH and I can't afford the petrol to go see her!

Sounds like she needs to be reminded that the Wedding is only one day of her life and that her friendships are going to last a lifetime (well hopefully!)

But I would guess you don't need this on top of everything else.

Becks_in_Debt

She doesnt say stuff like that to me as she knows she would get a mouth full at best, and i cant have a go at her for something that she has sent to another friend coz then she will know she has shown me the txt and cause more problems, we only live 10 mins in car away from each other so havent got the same excuse as you for not seeing each other more often, how long you been with your OH

angela6834

I have just read your thread and I really feel for you......regardless of anything else I think you need to be asking yourself if you really want to be with him. It sounds as though you would manage better with just you and your daughter (i'm sorry I dont want to try to tell you what to do but you sound so sad!!)

As everyone has said your first priority needs to be you and your daughter. Go on holiday with just her...have a break from him and a good think and see how you feel when you get back.

Good Luck!!!

katglasgow

Hi Becks,
I hope your holiday is good and given you time to chill.
I felt like at lot of what your going thru a few years back, although perhaps I am lucky as my hubby seemed to sort out his addiction problem much quicker after he initally came clean to me - he has had 2 small relapses but very minor and last one was over a year ago.
When it all first happened he arranged to have his salary paid into my bank account. Everything in his name was cancelled but his credit rating is shot to pieces now anyway. I used to give him an agreed sum "pocket money" on a weekly basis. It was over a year before we changed this and he now has a very basic cash card bank account (no credit/swith/OD facilities) and his pocket money goes in here every week. We had a rare night out last sat and had a great time, we were chatting about stuff and he said to be he feels so much better about stuff now as although his account never has much in it he knows he can spend it on whatever he wants and feels so good about not lying and sneaking about.
I hope things improve for you. I guess the other thing we have in common is that this all happened to me just as my son turned 1 and I started back a work. I ended up taking antidepressants for a while which were a big help to me and was evetually able to reduce my hours at work to 30hours (the saving in nursery fees and travel and extra tax credits actually more of less cancelled out the loss in income). Look after yourself and if you are feeling rough please seek help it will get better. xxx
Why not go on holiday just the 2 of you? your OH has to understand that if you spend money then it is no longer available, there are consequences to his actions.

Lucy1982_2

Morning Becks

How are you doing today?

Not been with new OH very long so I can't moan that she hasn't met him. Well we picked up the dresses last night and we are going to have to pay out for the steamstress to come and help us get ready :mad: Unfortunately I was being helped out of my dress while this was decided!!

But on a plus point I got paid today :j so actually have some money for a change and I've managed to knock money off my breakdown cover this morning!! So I'm feeling good.

When do you go on holiday?

Becks_in_Debt

angela6834 wrote: »

I think you need to be asking yourself if you really want to be with him. It sounds as though you would manage better with just you and your daughter (i'm sorry I dont want to try to tell you what to do but you sound so sad!!)

I keep asking my self the same thing, but then I keep telling myself that we have been through so much since we met and always been able to sort it out, and hopefully when we are debt free, aiming for beginning of 2008, things might be better as we will be saving a lot with not having to pay them and plus the stress of being in debt will go away, and we cant start enjoying our selves and afford to spend quality time together as a family or a couple.

angela6834 wrote: »

As everyone has said your first priority needs to be you and your daughter. Go on holiday with just her...have a break from him and a good think and see how you feel when you get back.
Good Luck!!!

If I go on holiday just me and the DD, i will just think of the money we have wasted buying OH a ticket, this is our first family holiday and really want to enjoy it and want my DD to enjoy herself with both parents there