Young folks weddings: match "projected" quality of life?

sugarwalsh

Hippy is fine with me.

Idiophreak

It's not a problem, it's not really a big deal...I figured you probably didn't remember where you'd read that - but I knew it wasn't on the board, because I've never written it here - in fact, you're the only person I've ever given any kind of overall numbers to - and that's largely for fear of the much maligned inverted snobbery across the boards - not on this thread in particular....

That said, I view comments like "you'd have to be mad to get into debt for your wedding" or "how can people waste so much money on one day" - of which there have been several on this thread, as inverted snobbery.

If I went around saying "you'd have to be mad to think about having a wedding for less than £XXXXX" or "I can't believe you're so tight you can't stump up a few K for one day" on these boards, I'm fairly sure I'd be called a snob pretty quicksmart. (not that I would, obviously...)

ETA: Except, of course, when I suggested earlier in the thread that I sometimes think people don't spend enough on engagement rings - when I was (justly) called a snob.

wanchai_2

Everyone has their priorities and their own budget. I would never criticise anyone choosing to spend £££££ on their wedding if it's affordable for them. Spend what you can afford and are comfortable with IMHO. I will always maintain that it's a bad idea to get into debt for a wedding. Debt does affect your future and unforeseen things can happen. This forum is evidence of that.

For me, it's all about opportunity cost and what else we could do with that money. We're spending 1/7 of our savings on our wedding. Clearly, we could do it more cheaply, but we're spending an amount that we're comfortable with. We want to have a comfortable life with lots of travel and a *very* short mortgage - financial freedom in other words. We certainly don't intend to work past 55 at the very latest!!

Idiophreak

wanchai wrote: »

p.s. I've said this before and I'll say it again as I don't want us to fall out (!) - I like that you are one of the few male contributors to this board, and you are almost always a voice of reason and give a different perspective. So I hope that I am not causing offence here.

Sorry, forgot to respond to this....I'm not offended at all! I get frustrated at times, because I don't think people get what I'm trying to say - and I think people find small things in my posts to pick up on and rant about, without necessarily trying to understand the spirit of the larger picture...but I don't take it personally (and I know I've taken my share of threads off on tangents )...I just keep on digging my hole, trying to make what I'm saying "click" sooner or later.

I think this one was a hard sell though, to be honest. As soon as the word "debt" was mentioned, the thread was pretty much doomed...

Weirdly, though, it has (on and off) served the purpose that I wanted it to - there have been a couple of really good responses from people who managed to decipher the point of the thing and they've adjusted my mindset. To be honest, I'd not really thought much that the thing might work the other way around - that there are people who anticipate their disposable income decreasing and thus spend less than they would otherwise on the wedding. It's little things like that I was hoping to learn

wanchai_2

Dig away!!! :rotfl: It's all healthy debate. Night x

MrsDrink

Idiophreak wrote: »

I just keep on digging my hole, trying to make what I'm saying "click" sooner or later.

Well you are a man :rotfl:

findingmyownway

Idiophreak wrote: »

Weirdly, though, it has (on and off) served the purpose that I wanted it to - there have been a couple of really good responses from people who managed to decipher the point of the thing and they've adjusted my mindset. To be honest, I'd not really thought much that the thing might work the other way around - that there are people who anticipate their disposable income decreasing and thus spend less than they would otherwise on the wedding. It's little things like that I was hoping to learn

I think thats more like the point I was trying to make... that we may be able to afford to spend more NOW, but anticipating a bigger mortgage, kids, maternity leave/part time work in the near future means we have chosen not to, then more money from the richer care-free times is left over.

cathy_j87

First off - this has been a really interesting thread to follow!
I'm probably considered one of the younger brides (25, OH about to turn 26) so thought I'd share my experience so far. OH saved for quite a few months before proposing so I could pick a nice ring, which I did under budget because we went to a great shop and I fell in love with my ring before I even knew the price! We've both been very lucky in that both sets of parents have been fantastic towards us (thanks to their own MSE-ness!) and helped us buy our first house (got the keys 1 year ago today! woo!). They have also both given us a very generous amount of money to put towards the wedding.

The money from the parents in law is paying for a lovely honeymoon to Italy and the money from my parents is going towards the wedding. We're doing things slightly on the cheap - me and MOH made the invitations; favours were homemade jam; we're having a camper-van as a treat (instead of a "fancy" taxi); a friend is doing the photos (semi-professional); a friend is making the bouquets from flowers I will buy in M&S; the DJ is a friend of OHs family and MIL is paying him; our cake is from a company we LOVE and we were one of the first bookings for a wedding they had so a very good price; and I refused to pay more for my dress than was spent on my ring but despite that it makes me cry and is beyond perfect for me!
The possibility of going into debt for our wedding was a no brainer - we don't even use credit cards! I have a large amount of money saved up which will not be touched for our wedding. It is there for when we need it (there's a good chance I won't be earning next year if I get into my teacher training course) or for over paying on our mortgage or for treating ourselves, a new car etc.

So to answer your question....

Idiophreak wrote: »

do you:
a) have the wedding you can "afford" now and risk looking back and wishing you'd spent more
b) hold off on the wedding for a few years and hope you earn more
c) stretch yourself now, save really hard and try and get a wedding befitting your "projected" quality of life

Overall I think we probably fall into (a). We're spending less than we could because we're taking into consideration the fact that I may not be earning for (at least) a year but I don't think we'll look back and call ourselves cheap.

smithkinson

We were planning a larger, more expensive wedding, but we decided it wasn't for us. We are spending half of our budget, on a wedding that completely suits us as a couple and a family, and we are really happy with it. I know I wouldn't do it differently if we had more money available, as we do have more money available, so I don't have to really worry about how I will feel in years to come. We already have our daughter, so I know I have already had the 'best day of my life'. I guess that has put it in to a different perspective for us.

74jax

smithkinson wrote: »

I know I wouldn't do it differently if we had more money available, as we do have more money available, so I don't have to really worry about how I will feel in years to come.

This is exactly the same for us too. We could have a wedding well beyond what we are having, however you all know me by now, and we are having the exact wedding we want. If we could have had it on the beach and it been free we would have, as it is we've had to go for the closest hotel to the beach for the ceremony.

When we started planning it was me who came up with a budget as a kinda of 'guide', our day is all about us, friends and the beach. A wedding with a sit down meal afterwards really wouldn't have been us :rotfl: and our friends would have thought there was something wrong.