Young folks weddings: match "projected" quality of life?

wanchai_2

jtr2803 wrote: »

I'm another that can't quite grasp the point (sorry!).

I wouldn't class myself as young, I'm 30, OH is 32 but we have a fairly nice lifestyle and could happily afford a wedding costing upwards of £10k, but that's not what we want. I understand backing yourself to become or earn more, but I don't equate any of that into the looks or cost of my wedding....my career and my wedding bare absolutely no resemblance to each other at all.

I have read some posts on this thread as reading that a wedding and it's associated costs, and how it looks, somehow reflects how 'well' the couple are doing in their lives.....I think that's a completely wrong way to look at it. Everyone has different priorities and I really don't buy into this whole 'your wedding is the most important day of your life' rubbish either! It will be one of the happiest and most significant days of my life, but it won't be the most important. Personally, I couldn't plan my wedding around how I might be doing financially in 2/3 years time because absolutely anything can happen. How many threads have been posted on this very forum where B&G were in good jobs, booked the venue and everything based on what they thought they could save and then had something go wrong and been in turmoil over how to carry on?

Ours will be a small wedding, because that's what suits us, and as long as I come away as Mrs Apple, and our guests are well fed and watered, I couldn't care less how cheap it is, how it looks to anyone else, or whether it 'befits' the fact I earn a decent salary.

Absolutely could not agree more. Anyone who would judge our wedding on the basis of how 'fancy' it is really doesn't matter. I feel the same about most things in life. We live more frugally than most of our friends, despite earning more than most of them and I'm sure that some people might think that we don't earn much. But so what? :rotfl: I don't envy my friends their expensive gadgets, Mulberry handbags etc because they buy them on credit cards and have debts when they might have savings. OH and I do love to travel though, and we spend most of our discretionary income on that. It's all about priorities!

Same with the wedding. We're not exactly having a shoestring wedding, it's costing £10K, but most of that is going on photography, food/drink and the band (oh and my dress!). We're saving money on *everything* else. IF we had a £5K budget, I'd still spend the same on photography, but less on everything else.

Another thing. Most older people look back very fondly on their younger days, when they were skint and living in a tiny flat, sharing beans on toast and doing lots of free/cheap stuff etc etc. I'm sure they would swap all their material possessions to go back to their youth. So don't worry about having an 'aspirational wedding' (great phrase duchy!) - as long as it's fun and happy, what more could you want?

POPPYOSCAR

findingmyownway wrote: »

Also - in my limited experience of weddings, its the cheaper more informal ones which are the most fun, and the crazy expensive ones have an undercurrent of scepticism amongst the guests - almost like the couple are judged to be papering over the cracks in their relationship with expansive castle and magazine-style weddings.

I'm not saying that's fair, but from my experience there is more than a grain of truth.

Yes, this is also my experience as well.

Personally I can not see the point of spending in the region of £20,000 just for one day and getting into debt for it, but each to their own as long as they do pay the debt off no matter what.

RainbowDrops

Playing devils advocate, I've been to budget weddings and posh weddings, and I have to say I've had similar feelings at both.
I've certainly never felt that the expensive weddings are trying to prove something, and I think that's an unfair assumption to make.

I think it's the way the money is spent, rather than how much or little is spent, that makes the difference. Waisting money on thinks like lining the floor with flower petals is silly, but spending extra moeny to give your guests canapes while you're taking photos, or giving them lots of wine with the meal is a good reason to spend more IMO.

joannaspanner

I married in 2009 aged 28, hubby was 38, second time round for him, had a small registry office do with just immediate family and a meal afterwards and then a pub gathering in the evening with a buffet. Cost us around £2k all in, I've never been interested in the whole white wedding thing, 2nd time round for hubby, he'd have been happy I'm sure with a big wedding if I'd wanted it, but it was really nice what we had and a great day and it didn't cost the earth, my dad bought my dress for me as he wanted too, he thought he'd misheard when I told him it cost £90 as he thought it should cost about £900 !!!!!! If you can afford it and want a big wedding then thats great but when I see about people spending 20k plus on it, and then are in debt for ages and are more interested in being a 'princess for a day' rather than what the wedding is about then that annoys me, but each to their own eh? x

wanchai_2

Oh yeah, the 'princess' thing really mystifies me!!! :rotfl: No, I'm not 5 years old, I do not want to look, or feel, like a princess! I don't want a tiara either :rotfl: I just want to look good and be happy surrounded by those closest to me.

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

:rotfl:Do you measure the success of all your relationships just by the number of years you've kept them?

Personally, how much I loved my wife, how much she loved me, our plans for the future together, us buying a house together, growing together and seeing the world...all of these things were more important to us than the number of years we'd been together.

She was 15 when we started going out, so I very much doubt she'd have accepted a proposal in the first 5 or 6 years anyway...and we lived at opposite ends of the country for some time as we both did two degrees...We intended to spend the rest of our lives together, so there wasn't a rush, we could wait and do things properly...

We knew shortly after starting to go out that we would be together hence the proposal and then the marriage. We bought a house together at the time we were arranging the wedding and didn't move in together until married. That's when we grew together and fulfilled our dreams and plans together.

laurabllue wrote: »

I'll have been with my OH for almost 10 years when we get married next year. In this day and age, establishing a career and buying a house isn't as easy as it once was and we prioritised buying our own place over getting married. This didn't mean that we didn't intend to spend the rest of our lives together.

I don't see anything wrong with that at all. Maybe it's a generational thing, but we got together at 19 and have lived together for the last five years so we're definitely commited to each other, we didn't need to rush down the aisle to prove it.

You haven't just been going out for 10 years though which was my point. To me personally marriage is the commitment and inludes living together and buying a home. Can't understand why you couldn't establish a career when married.

lizd87

hamsterfan1 wrote: »

It seems it is forgotten that a wedding is a means to an end ie. a marriage , not an end in itself. I have very few specific memories of my wedding day , giggling at the alter, japanese tourists videoing us in our car and the best man spilling champagne on my dress, the rest is one happy blur. A wedding is about getting married not supplying firends & families with as many luxuries as ,you are told by magazines , companies can sell you.

Spot on. I fail to see why this whole debate matters- we're all on this forum with different budgets and different opinions on how to spend those budgets and where they've come from. Hopefully we've trying to all get the best 'value' where we can.

To me, it's about the commitment of marriage i.e. the ceremony/vows.
what you can afford for the symbol of that (i.e. the rings) and the party and holiday afterwards shouldn't get blown out of proportion. If you love someone and commit to spending the rest of your lives together that should be what matters. After that it doesn't matter whether you spend £500 or £50,000 if it's how you want to celebrate it.

wanchai_2

lizd87 wrote: »

Spot on. I fail to see why this whole debate matters- we're all on this forum with different budgets and different opinions on how to spend those budgets and where they've come from. Hopefully we've trying to all get the best 'value' where we can.

To me, it's about the commitment of marriage i.e. the ceremony/vows.
what you can afford for the symbol of that (i.e. the rings) and the party and holiday afterwards shouldn't get blown out of proportion. If you love someone and commit to spending the rest of your lives together that should be what matters. After that it doesn't matter whether you spend £500 or £50,000 if it's how you want to celebrate it.

Beautifully put.

MrsDrink

I think Idio was just kinda asking the 'do you regret anything' question out of curiosity rather than necessarily getting into the whole 'how much should you spend/should you get into debt' debate. (Or at least thats how I interpreted it.)

It would be interesting those of us who have yet to get married, if in a months, years, 5 years, 10 years time whether there will be anything we regret about our weddings. And to what extent we are second guessing those regrets by taking things into account already. For example, am I going to regret not inviting people from work, or will I be pleased that the people we had I'm still in touch with? Am I going to regret not having an amazing chocolate cake? Am I going to regret the stress of trying to get a house ready for a house party reception or should we just have paid for a venue. I personally think, the money thing isn't the issue on this thread - more how we've prioritised the budget and whether the decisions will be the right ones in the end. Clearly none of us currently getting married can really answer this - because we don't have the benefit of hindsight.

sugarwalsh

If Idio had said 'Do you think there might be aspects of your wedding you may regret in future life because you may have different earnings?' then I would understand that. We may earn more, we my earn less, therefore we could all 'regret' the decisions we make. However, he didn't.
Normally I don't take issue with what Idio says, but I do on this thread. There is a lot of emphasis on having a 'better' career, which he seems to equate to a better life. He talks about getting into debt to have a wedding which reflects the life he 'aspires' to. I personally don't like this stance at all.
Quality of life and whether you have a 'good' one is not measured by the money you earn or the money you spend on your wedding. To me life is not about striving towards the future because it is a 'better place'. It is about living in the here and now, appreciating what you have and loving those around you. It is about accepting that whilst money helps to make life a little easier, it is not necessary to earn vast sums. So long as you have a roof over your head, food, water and your health, they really should be all the things which matter.

I realise that probably sounds all hippy - but 4 kids down the line and having recently lost a friend to cancer - I think I am beginning to understand what this things called life really is all about. It strikes me Idio could do with looking inwards rather than outwards too.