Young folks weddings: match "projected" quality of life?

sugarwalsh

Thanks wanchai, I was beginning to think I was the only one who read it this way!
Surely a wedding is about saying 'here we are, this is how we are as a couple now. This is where we have been. Now we go on as a couple into our married life, what ever it may bring.'
Our wedding reflected that and had hope that our future will be together.
We didn't, for one moment, think about trying to represent ourselves as we may be in the future.

wanchai_2

roz_v wrote: »

just to add to my previous post, i think there can be a bit of both snobbery and inverse snobbery on this forum about how much people are spending on weddings. The main thing is that we're all doing what we feel is comfortable and right for ourselves. No two couples/relationships/financial situations are the same and we all have different priorities. Doesn't make anyone more right than anyone else.

+1 :t:t:t:t

Idiophreak

wanchai wrote: »

I thought the same tbh. Idiophreak, without meaning to cause offence, you do rather seem to suggest that more money spent = more impressive. Or that 'one must have a wedding that befits one's status'. :rotfl: Honestly, I didn't realise this when I was younger, but status symbols are not all they're cracked up to be. Some of the wealthiest peeps I know drive old cars, cycle everywhere, buy clothes only in the sales etc. And they're happy and financially secure! I guess the lesson is 'don't judge a book by its cover'. A fab wedding can be had on a small budget the most extravagant weddings that I've been to haven't been the best! Everyone has their own priorities - we're happy with our wedding plans and wouldn't change a thing. Sure, it'd be good to have a free bar or pay for everyone's accommodation, but nobody expects that tbh. Would I spend an extra £5k to do it? No blimmin' way!!!!

Are you sure that you're not trying to justify the cost of your wedding to yourself?

I think both yourself and sugarwalsh have the wrong end of the stick here...I certainly believe that by paying more money, you can get more stuff...that's just maths...but I don't believe that's the be all and end all of a wedding, at all...

I've also not really said anything about other people's impressions of weddings - indeed it's something I scarcely ever thought about with my wedding...I'm not so crass as to view a wedding as a status symbol. It's what *I* think about my wedding I'm concerned about...and I've tried to be quite clear that my concern was that *I'd* regret spending less - not that other people would judge me for spending less.

I can really see why this would seem like an attempt to justify my wedding to myself...but that's really not what it's about, in the slightest. In fact, it's more the opposite, I suppose. I just want to try and understand people that take what I'd view as a very short-sighted view of the world. I see a lot of threads with students deciding to propose with a £50 ring...and I just think "really? you're going to do this once...that ring's going to be on your wife's finger for her whole life, be passed down through generations..and you're spending less on it than a night out at the student union...why not wait a couple of years til you graduate, then give yourself a couple more options..."

(And it's for that reason, incidentally, that I'd been with my wife 10 years before I proposed...because until that point I just couldn't afford to give her the ring, wedding etc *I* wanted to give her...I suppose, really, that's selfishness speaking)

I know snobbery on this board is frowned upon - and rare, to be fair - but I do confess to it when it sneaks in to my head. And of course, I know (and agree with, to an extent) all the usual responses, about how she'll love it no matter what it costs, how unimportant material things are - and the rest...and I know that the stuff I think you should spend money on's purely my opinion - so I don't force it on anyone.

I guess it's because I'm part of this damned "want it all" generation, but I've never seen *having the money right now* as a particular issue in life...it's just how I'm wired...as long as I'm confident that I *will* have the money at some point, and it doesn't cost me anything in interest, I view where the money actually comes from as cashflow, really.

sugarwalsh

There is nothing stopping said students buying another ring later in life if they want! My dad, for example, has bought my mum many rings since they got married for various occasions.
they all have different values, but they all mean something special!
I guess I am from a different school of thinking!

wanchai_2

I guess I just don't understand the premise of this thread. Why would you wish that you'd spent more?

OK, we're not skint, so perhaps I'm not the right person to ask, as we can afford to spend more than we actually are spending. But maybe that says it all. We are having the most important things that we want and compromising on the less important stuff, and our wedding is just the way we want it (well, at the planning stage anyway!). :rotfl:

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

I think both yourself and sugarwalsh have the wrong end of the stick here...I certainly believe that by paying more money, you can get more stuff...that's just maths...but I don't believe that's the be all and end all of a wedding, at all...

I've also not really said anything about other people's impressions of weddings - indeed it's something I scarcely ever thought about with my wedding...I'm not so crass as to view a wedding as a status symbol. It's what *I* think about my wedding I'm concerned about...and I've tried to be quite clear that my concern was that *I'd* regret spending less - not that other people would judge me for spending less.

I can really see why this would seem like an attempt to justify my wedding to myself...but that's really not what it's about, in the slightest. In fact, it's more the opposite, I suppose. I just want to try and understand people that take what I'd view as a very short-sighted view of the world. I see a lot of threads with students deciding to propose with a £50 ring...and I just think "really? you're going to do this once...that ring's going to be on your wife's finger for her whole life, be passed down through generations..and you're spending less on it than a night out at the student union...why not wait a couple of years til you graduate, then give yourself a couple more options..."

(And it's for that reason, incidentally, that I'd been with my wife 10 years before I proposed...because until that point I just couldn't afford to give her the ring, wedding etc *I* wanted to give her...I suppose, really, that's selfishness speaking)

I know snobbery on this board is frowned upon - and rare, to be fair - but I do confess to it when it sneaks in to my head. And of course, I know (and agree with, to an extent) all the usual responses, about how she'll love it no matter what it costs, how unimportant material things are - and the rest...and I know that the stuff I think you should spend money on's purely my opinion - so I don't force it on anyone.

I guess it's because I'm part of this damned "want it all" generation, but I've never seen *having the money right now* as a particular issue in life...it's just how I'm wired...as long as I'm confident that I *will* have the money at some point, and it doesn't cost me anything in interest, I view where the money actually comes from as cashflow, really.

You are a snob by your own definition I'm afraid. By the time we'd known each other 10 years we'd been married for over 8 years. I have to say I wouldn't go out with someone for 10 years as that says to me that this isn't the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with.

Idiophreak

sugarwalsh wrote: »

There is nothing stopping said students buying another ring later in life if they want! My dad, for example, has bought my mum many rings since they got married for various occasions.
they all have different values, but they all mean something special!
I guess I am from a different school of thinking!

...but they *can't* buy another engagement ring. And they can't present the ring on one knee for the first time again...literally, you get *one shot* at a proposal...

Obviously, I understand what you're saying to a degree...but it sounds like false economy to me...buy a cheaper one now, then a more expensive one a little down the line...why not just buy the right one in the first place?

Anyway, I blame Hollywood for giving me my ideals on engagement rings, proposals and the like..The irony...if only she hadn't dragged me to quite so many chick-flicks, she might have gotten the ring on her finger that much faster

wanchai wrote: »

I guess I just don't understand the premise of this thread. Why would you wish that you'd spent more?

I think KK22, above, kind of got the point I was getting at...they mention that they anticipate their financial positioning weakening over the next few years - so are, maybe, spending more now than they would be able to then.

It's kinda the opposite to how I see my life going (as I already have a mortgage and think kids are a few years off), but it goes to show that they've looked a few years into the future when they were thinking about their budget...maybe they'd even spend a little less than they would otherwise, as they see hard times ahead.

Personally, I saw prosperous times ahead, so spent a little more than I would have otherwise...I think, had I not, in a couple of years I might be sat here looking at good, but not brilliant, photographs of a good, but not brilliant, day thinking "it's annoying...I've money in the bank now...but I can't go back and spend it on the wedding now..."

And *again*..I'm not saying that everyone needs a lot of money to have a good day - but I wouldn't have been able to have my day exactly as I wanted with spending any less - otherwise I'd have done that, believe me!

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You are a snob by your own definition I'm afraid. By the time we'd known each other 10 years we'd been married for over 8 years. I have to say I wouldn't go out with someone for 10 years as that says to me that this isn't the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with.

:rotfl:Do you measure the success of all your relationships just by the number of years you've kept them?

Personally, how much I loved my wife, how much she loved me, our plans for the future together, us buying a house together, growing together and seeing the world...all of these things were more important to us than the number of years we'd been together.

She was 15 when we started going out, so I very much doubt she'd have accepted a proposal in the first 5 or 6 years anyway...and we lived at opposite ends of the country for some time as we both did two degrees...We intended to spend the rest of our lives together, so there wasn't a rush, we could wait and do things properly...

sugarwalsh

You are right, you can't propose again.
However, I know that my kids would hardly thank me if I left them with enormous debts. they won't turn around and say 'it's ok though, I still have mums mega expensive engagement ring'!
you say it's short sighted, I say it's long!

Idiophreak

sugarwalsh wrote: »

You are right, you can't propose again.
However, I know that my kids would hardly thank me if I left them with enormous debts. they won't turn around and say 'it's ok though, I still have mums mega expensive engagement ring'!
you say it's short sighted, I say it's long!

Blimey - it would have to be quite a rock for the debt to outlive you, wouldn't it!