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Struggling

RainbowDreamer
Posts: 396 Forumite
I am struggling to come to terms with emotional abuse that I have suffered when in a relationship and now that I am not.
Emotional abuse is now being used with my 3 year old. I see a DV worker once a week who is supporting me and trying hard to help me be heard.
SS are not taking me seriously. My ex has the children more days than I do and I can see a more damaging change in them. They are being deeply effected.
I also still do not feel asthough I am in control of my own life. He is calling all the shots and getting away with it.
He is making me feel guilty and making me doubt myself.
Sorry, I have no idea why I have posted this. I guess I just need an outlet.
I am terrified of losing my children due to all his lies and accussations.
I am terrified that they will be damaged emotionally which will effect them later on in life. I am also scared that I am being seen as making it all up while he comes across as the perfect father.
I just wish I could end all the heartache and suffering. I wish I could be in control of my own life and be able to protect my children fully.
Emotional abuse is now being used with my 3 year old. I see a DV worker once a week who is supporting me and trying hard to help me be heard.
SS are not taking me seriously. My ex has the children more days than I do and I can see a more damaging change in them. They are being deeply effected.
I also still do not feel asthough I am in control of my own life. He is calling all the shots and getting away with it.
He is making me feel guilty and making me doubt myself.
Sorry, I have no idea why I have posted this. I guess I just need an outlet.
I am terrified of losing my children due to all his lies and accussations.
I am terrified that they will be damaged emotionally which will effect them later on in life. I am also scared that I am being seen as making it all up while he comes across as the perfect father.
I just wish I could end all the heartache and suffering. I wish I could be in control of my own life and be able to protect my children fully.
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Comments
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I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad - hang on in there!
Have you changed your solicitor yet? IMO, you need a female "rottweiler" who has experience of domestic violence/mental abuse.0 -
I haven't changed my solicitor as I was advised that if I do it will look badly in court. However my DV support worker has written a lengthy letter that has been sent to him to forward on to court. She is also speaking to SS in the next week about everything I have disclosed.
The police are taking further statements which will show his true colours (I hope), but none of this will be accessible to SS or court. Although once the case is closed I am hoping I can ask for proof of that.0 -
RainbowDreamer wrote: »I haven't changed my solicitor as I was advised that if I do it will look badly in court.
Did your current solicitor give you that advice?
A good new solicitor will very quickly more than make up for the slight disruption caused by changing solicitors. Seek independent advice from more than one source. Can your DV support worker recommend a good solicitor?My first reply was witty and intellectual but I lost it so you got this one instead
Proud to be a chic shopper
:cool:0 -
Get an outlet that involves controlled fighting moves - boxercise, tae-kwon-do, kick boxing, anything that gets your adrenaline pumping, your blood up but puts you very firmly in control. Develop that inner core of strength and show your children and anyone looking in a strong, emotionally secure person. Your children will gravitate to the safe harbour firmly under your strong wings and people will feel you are the right place to support them. Get others fighting for you as well, but develop your own physical and emotional strength and you will be able to tackle anything. Stop thinking about the past and what you can't do, focus on what you want to do and go for it. Take care.0
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Womens Aid have signed me up to a self defence course. Think it is only one day, but will make me feel more confident I suppose. I have been working hard on looking after myself when the children are not here. Been going to the gym daily for example, trying to have relaxing baths and pampering sessions.
Yet today I have woken up feeling weepy and emotional. Wondering if they will ever find out the truth and if he will infact get his own way and take the children away from me for good.
My solicitor is good. He is just a very busy man as he has many many clients. But when it gets to court he usually tries hard for me. Though I suppose thats just my judgement as I have only seen his performance.
Also he is the best solicitor in my area that accepts legal aid. So I don't think I can get a specialised one unless I pay, and unless I can find a job within the next week that isnt going to be possible.0 -
the police statements WILL be accessible to CAFCASS (or at least they were in my case). If you haven't done so already, register yourself as a 'potential victim' of domestic abuse with the police as this not only puts a red flag on your address should you call for any reason (so they come out to you immediately), it means any problems you have are officially 'recorded' regardless of whether or not there is any follow up or police action. That I had called the police sobbing after my ex cornered me in a car park and done nothing at all to me other than laugh at me (long story) was recorded in the report CAFCASS did for the courts.
I know it's worrying whilst you wait for things to happen with the courts but it is highly unlikely you are going to lose your children. the courts are used to dealing with high functioning, terribly 'nice' and 'decent' psychopaths (!!!) who pass through their doors in these situations. Try and have some faith - my ex is a psycho(therapist) and even he, with all his experience, couldn't get a judge to order a psychiatric assessment on me and was told in no uncertain terms by the judge that if he'd been through what I'd been through 'I'd be a little bit mentally ill too, don't you think?'
Hang on in there and keep talking xxxx0 -
RainbowDreamer wrote: »Emotional abuse is now being used with my 3 year old. I see a DV worker once a week who is supporting me and trying hard to help me be heard.
SS are not taking me seriously.Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!
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I have told them that this is effecting the children emotionally. Someone is giving a statement for me next week confirming that he has threatened the children to make them say certain things. Whether this will help or not I do not know.
Because of current police investigations court gave him temp residensy and just over half the week with the children and have given ME a contact order.
Even though the accussations were not aimed at me this time and even though SS and the police have no issues with me. But yet it seems I am being painted out badly, as he has got the kids more and temp residensy?
Even worse he has now started another new relationship (only a few days in) and has introduced the children to her and her children. Causing further confusion as the last one only lasted 2 months and is pregnant with his child.. which he told my eldest about who now asks when he is getting a new baby brother.
I feel like I am hitting a brick wall. My relationship is falling apart due to all this. So he is getting just what he wants. He has residensy, he has ruined my relationship, he is now able to apply for benefits so he doesnt have to work and is wanting to go through CSA for maintenance from me. He is controlling my life, making me feel intimidated and unhappy. And is spoiling any chances I have of giving the children a stable home. He is even trying to get the kids into school near his house even though I have just accepted the one offer he has recieved near me.
Why am I treated like the bad person? Why does no one believe me? I really wish they could see it.0 -
RainbowDreamer wrote: »I haven't changed my solicitor as I was advised that if I do it will look badly in court. However my DV support worker has written a lengthy letter that has been sent to him to forward on to court. She is also speaking to SS in the next week about everything I have disclosed.
The police are taking further statements which will show his true colours (I hope), but none of this will be accessible to SS or court. Although once the case is closed I am hoping I can ask for proof of that.RainbowDreamer wrote: »Womens Aid have signed me up to a self defence course. Think it is only one day, but will make me feel more confident I suppose. I have been working hard on looking after myself when the children are not here. Been going to the gym daily for example, trying to have relaxing baths and pampering sessions.
Yet today I have woken up feeling weepy and emotional. Wondering if they will ever find out the truth and if he will infact get his own way and take the children away from me for good.
My solicitor is good. He is just a very busy man as he has many many clients. But when it gets to court he usually tries hard for me. Though I suppose thats just my judgement as I have only seen his performance.
Also he is the best solicitor in my area that accepts legal aid. So I don't think I can get a specialised one unless I pay, and unless I can find a job within the next week that isnt going to be possible.RainbowDreamer wrote: »I have told them that this is effecting the children emotionally. Someone is giving a statement for me next week confirming that he has threatened the children to make them say certain things. Whether this will help or not I do not know.
Because of current police investigations court gave him temp residensy and just over half the week with the children and have given ME a contact order.
Even though the accussations were not aimed at me this time and even though SS and the police have no issues with me. But yet it seems I am being painted out badly, as he has got the kids more and temp residensy?
Even worse he has now started another new relationship (only a few days in) and has introduced the children to her and her children. Causing further confusion as the last one only lasted 2 months and is pregnant with his child.. which he told my eldest about who now asks when he is getting a new baby brother.
I feel like I am hitting a brick wall. My relationship is falling apart due to all this. So he is getting just what he wants. He has residensy, he has ruined my relationship, he is now able to apply for benefits so he doesnt have to work and is wanting to go through CSA for maintenance from me. He is controlling my life, making me feel intimidated and unhappy. And is spoiling any chances I have of giving the children a stable home. He is even trying to get the kids into school near his house even though I have just accepted the one offer he has recieved near me.
Why am I treated like the bad person? Why does no one believe me? I really wish they could see it.
I have read all your threads, including the deleted ones and you are just as bad as your husband, you are both using the kids as pawns so it both of you that are upsetting and emotionally damaging the kids and you both should be utterly ashamed of yourselves.
A very wise woman once said you should love your kids more than you hate your ex.
And the kids are not cash cows, you both want residency so you can claim the benefits for them, are you now giving the ex, the money you are claiming for them? Or are you still refusing too? They have been away from you for a long time and it disgraceful that youhave kept even one penny of the money you are given to pay for the things they need just to get one over on the ex.0 -
I guess this is yet another place where people do not listen to me.
I guess you have not heard of emotional abuse?
Thanks to all those who understand and do not put me down and make out that I ruin my children.0
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