Struggling

RainbowDreamer

He works cash in hand & recieved jsa fraudulently. he has no rent to pay & a small share of the bills. He kept the children for 3 weeks against advice of ss. i had to take him to court to force him to return the children.
He runs a 2.0 car and has regular nights out. he is def not struggling.

If he applies for benefits he will be informed that until court the claim cannot be changed.

clearingout

Dunroamin wrote: »

I always think the hugs gang are the biggest pack on here!

probably because we tend to take people at face value and when they are posting, it is usually because they are looking for some kind of support?

I agree there are two sides to a story and that in situations like this, the 'innocent' party can be causing problems, albeit sometimes without meaning to or realising it. It is always useful to get a second opinion. However, there's a difference between giving a second opinion and being downright rude and aggressive which is how I personally perceived mealone's comments. I also think this is one of those situations that unless you've been there, done that, you can't necessarily understand just what people are capable of post-relationship breakdown and how the court system sometimes colludes with that in the short term (and sometimes longer).

Dunroamin

clearingout wrote: »

probably because we tend to take people at face value and when they are posting, it is usually because they are looking for some kind of support?

.

I don't think it's a good thing to take anyone or anything at face value.

Just because someone's looking for support doesn't mean that they're in the right.;)

clearingout

Dunroamin wrote: »

I don't think it's a good thing to take anyone or anything at face value.

Just because someone's looking for support doesn't mean that they're in the right.;)

no, it doesn't. but if someone says their ex husband is behaving in a certain way and they're worried about it, I take that at face value. I might ask additional questions and then change my mind about what I think of them but I always take what a poster says as being 'the truth' as they see it.

shegirl

OP,from what I can see he's had the kids for at least 5 weeks.He now has a residency order albeit interim.He can apply for those benefits.

When is the next court date?When are you expecting them back?

He has every right to apply for the financial help considering he is caring for the children.You asked about this back in april when he'd had them for 2 weeks but stated they'd be back soon,it's now 5 weeks,at least,and counting.I suggest you phone them yourself and tell them the situation.

BTW,there is a poster on mumsnet with very similar story and questions (she asked about benefits too but as there was no order at the time of asking and she thought they'd be back the following week too,everyone said it was fine) but it was longer ago her ex stole her kids and while he was on bail (she had agreed with social services to not have any contact with him and broke it by letting him have contact with the kids -they weren't happy with her!) and he kept them while she is trying to get them back....just thought I'd share with you incase you want to contact her and talk to each other,with the similar situations

shegirl

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

He works cash in hand & recieved jsa fraudulently.Not relevant he has no rent to pay & a small share of the bills. He kept the children for 3 weeks against advice of ss. i had to take him to court to force him to return the children.
Not relevant He runs a 2.0 car and has regular nights out. he is def not struggling.Not relevant

If he applies for benefits he will be informed that until court the claim cannot be changed.

What makes you think the agencies dealing with benefits will tell him that?

RainbowDreamer

He kept them for 3 weeks.. as that was the earliest I could get a court hearing to have them returned. He now has temp residensy due to a police investigation. But we still have the children half the week each.
The reason he is not allowed to apply for anything or act as the "resident parent" so to speak, is because this is temporary while the police investigation has an outcome and cafcass checks are due to be done.
This is very likely to change in the near future, which is why I have been told not to pass on the claim to him.
We are due back to court in the summer, but if police investigations are completed sooner I am to apply to court for a sooner hearing to change the order.
At the moment, he is subjecting our 3 year old to emotional abuse, just like he has been with me. And the relevant professionals are now aware of that, it is just taking time for voices to be heard through support systems and for them to do the correct checks, to take statements and so on.

I understand why you think he should claim for the children and in normal circumstances he should, but due to the complicated situation and temporary measures, I am just taking advice from professionals for now.

RainbowDreamer

shegirl wrote: »

What makes you think the agencies dealing with benefits will tell him that?

Because I have phoned them and asked them what to do in this situation.

shegirl

Whichever way OP,you should be giving him money towards the kids.It's the right thing to do and if you're having them part time at present it can't all be going into their savings.

IT would be the decent thing to do.

Are you in a refuge btw?

RainbowDreamer

I am not in a refuge no. He is not allowed near my house. If he comes to the house he gets arrested.
I agree with what your saying. And as mentioned it has been saved, so I can give him benefits for everyday he has the kids.