SIL cheated on DD

Dunroamin

Does your SIL have children with his ex?

jumpingjackd

Thanks for all the replies. SIL has moved back to his mothers. She is already urging him to see a lawyer and go for custody! I feel so sad for my daughter as I know the pain it can cause.
I have asked her if there is any way to mend it and take some time to think it over but not urged her any way.
She is going to have enough problems with her in laws as they are very vocal and have been since before the wedding.
Just wish I could wave a wand and make it go away for her.
Personally I would like to strangle him but havent said that to her or anything negative, just that I'm here for her. Its quite difficult. We have the little boy with us just now and fortunately he has missed the talk in his own house.
Such a shame as they are only a couple of weeks off their 3rd anniversary.

jumpingjackd

Dunroamin wrote: »

Does your SIL have children with his ex?

No, he only has one child with my daughter.
His mother invited the ex and SIL to her house together and arranged for them to "bump into one another" and telling my DD that she wished he had married the ex instead as she got on well with her.

trolleyrun

Sometimes, the best thing for kids is their parents going their separate ways. I can honestly say that I'm extremely happy that my parents separated when they did (I was a toddler). That way, I can't remember them living together, the arguments or much else. If your DD wants to divorce this cheating man, so be it. She deserves somebody to treat her like a princess. I go by the rule of "once a cheater, always a cheater", but that's just my humble opinion. I hope your DD finds great happiness.

jumpingjackd

Caroline_a wrote: »

Please allow your daughter to make her own decisions. I served my ex with divorce papers and my dad told me to try again. I did, and 5 years later was in exactly the same position. It was far worse for all second time around, I have always regretted not following my first decision.

Im sorry you had to go through that twice and this is what worries me if they try again.

I hope you have found someone who deserves you.

jumpingjackd

trolleyrun wrote: »

Sometimes, the best thing for kids is their parents going their separate ways. I can honestly say that I'm extremely happy that my parents separated when they did (I was a toddler). That way, I can't remember them living together, the arguments or much else. If your DD wants to divorce this cheating man, so be it. She deserves somebody to treat her like a princess. I go by the rule of "once a cheater, always a cheater", but that's just my humble opinion. I hope your DD finds great happiness.

Thankyou so much for those kind words and Im agreeing that it is probably better to separate whilst a toddler and he probably will cheat again which will be so much worse. She does deserve someone far better.

Ich_2

Though I somehow can't help but think that any relationship that has been manurfactured by the MIL "as she likes the ex" is doomed to failure.
Is he a mummy's boy?

jumpingjackd

Hes not really a mummys boy, she is just exceptionally nasty. I thought my daughter was exaggerating until I met her to discuss the wedding. She wasnt in agreeance with it and made her feelings known when she said, dont see why they need to get married all we want is the baby out of this! There was no pressure on them to get married, it was their choice. But she has done her utmost to destroy their relationship ever since.

BitterAndTwisted

No-one, not even a foul and interfering old bag, can destroy anyone's relationships. They do that for themselves of their own free will.



"DD will not agree to him seeing other grandparents although this was an issue before the problem of the affair."

That's really not very smart behaviour. She's managed to do her best to drive a wedge between SIL and his mother: that's a battle where the DIL is usually the loser. Perhaps this was a factor in his betrayal of her.

Your daughter can stipulate and demand all she likes but has absolutely no control over where the child's father chooses to take him to visit. If she insists on going down that road she will only make matters much worse, both for herself and for their child. I suggest she tries to put her resentment and anger aside for the sake of her child's well-being. Nothing good can come of behaving in the way she is threatening. And acting like a vindictive biatch would just add fuel to the MIL's fire. And SIL will believe that he was right to dump her

January20

jumpingjackd wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. SIL has moved back to his mothers. She is already urging him to see a lawyer and go for custody! I feel so sad for my daughter as I know the pain it can cause.
.

In that case, don't waste your time on wishing the relationship wasn't over, as this is where you can support your daughter really well. You could document the situation for her. Keep all text messages, emails etc. Record phone conversations if necessary. Make sure there is no reason the child would be taken away from you dd.

You don't have to answer on this forum, but are there any concrete reasons why the little one is not allowed to see his other grandparents? Is he at any risk? Is there any risk they might not hand him back over? Is the SIL behaving appropriately or is he at all unreasonable? Jot down anything with dates, times and details if necessary. Does you SIL work? Does your DD? Or is she SAHM?