Controlling Ex... Chapter 2

masonsmum

Morning Folks, I posted this thread last week regarding issues I am having with my ex
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3938879

Well I received this text message from him last night, he is so full of empty threats - anything to avoid paying what he should!

"got a letter in from CSA, I am fed up with this nonsense, it is time we thought of our son and tried to be civil for his sake, I have tried to be reasonable and give you your place but I will not be bullied by the CSA, if this is the route you want to take, I will fill in the forms but leaves me no option other than to take court action against you.

I am totally dumbfounded, I presume by court action he means regarding access to our son, we have a minute of agreement in place drawn up between our lawyers, but it is very much on an as and when suits him, friday or sat night at the weekend depending on what suits both parties but if it doesnt suit me I am subjected to a weeks worth of abusive phone calls and txts! So I dont know if he wants to take it to court for a sheriff to decide (we are in Scotland) not sure of the difference with Scottish Law.

Should I just ignore or call my lawyer for some advice?
Thanks folks.

Emmzi

he's blustering but court action will be fine, might get him pinned down to firm nights for visits so at least it cuts out some shenanigans. Just tell him fine, you aren't scared of court!

Caroline_a

Also court action is going to cost him...

newcook

Id tell him to crack on and let him take you to court - this way you can get set dates of access rather than waiting to see what his social plans are!
in the meantime, if you have a smartphone I'd download a call recording app so that if he does start getting @rsy you have all the proof you need that he bullies you when he doesnt get his own way regarding access

daska

Correct response: "What a brilliant idea, I wish I'd thought of that, it will mean the contact arrangements will be pinned down to set days/weeks which will really suit DS and myself, how quickly can you get the process started?".

masonsmum

daska wrote: »

Correct response: "What a brilliant idea, I wish I'd thought of that, it will mean the contact arrangements will be pinned down to set days/weeks which will really suit DS and myself, how quickly can you get the process started?".

Daska, I love it :rotfl:
I have just text him that now and I will let you know the response, I have continually asked for it to go to a sheriff as I have a feeling that no non residing parent will be granted access on "as and when required" basis.

Concerned re the court costs though but just one of these things I suppose and will make life easier in the long run.

sassyblue

Ignore him! He's trying the very last control tactics he has.

Let him squirm.

And smile. :A

Caroline_a

masonsmum wrote: »

Daska, I love it :rotfl:
I have just text him that now and I will let you know the response, I have continually asked for it to go to a sheriff as I have a feeling that no non residing parent will be granted access on "as and when required" basis.

Concerned re the court costs though but just one of these things I suppose and will make life easier in the long run.

The court costs will be his if he instigates it.. yours (if any) will be a lot cheaper!

daska

masonsmum wrote: »

Daska, I love it :rotfl:
I have just text him that now and I will let you know the response, I have continually asked for it to go to a sheriff as I have a feeling that no non residing parent will be granted access on "as and when required" basis.

Concerned re the court costs though but just one of these things I suppose and will make life easier in the long run.

He'll have to pay the court fee if he brings the case. You might well want to use your solicitor to check exactly where you stand but (and I don't know about Scottish courts) in England you can represent yourself and, in our experience, family courts tend to make allowances for people who do so.

clearingout

masonsmum wrote: »

Daska, I love it :rotfl:
I have just text him that now and I will let you know the response, I have continually asked for it to go to a sheriff as I have a feeling that no non residing parent will be granted access on "as and when required" basis.

Concerned re the court costs though but just one of these things I suppose and will make life easier in the long run.

He won't be granted access on an 'as and when required' basis, no. However, getting a court order means very little if he's not prepared to stand by it. My ex dragged me through court for his precious piece of paper and then promptly disappeared for 15 months. He's back now - a few weeks - but still isn't seeing them according to the court order, still very much when he chooses.

I would get your head around the fact it will probably always be like this. It is very, very frustrating but if your children are to have a relationship with their father, at some level all you can do is put up with the nonsense (and take the time off when you can get it!).

Sorry...!

masonsmum

Well the reply to my text message was "so be it but I can assure you I will get access for a lot more dates and times"

I dont have an issue with my son spending time with his dad my only concern is that I do not have any prior notice and his dad thinks he can just turn up on the doorstep and take him away no matter what my plans are. He works every third saturday so my first suggestion of taking our son every 2nd weekend was met with, "I cant do that and I need a social life too" I then suggested every Sunday all day but again was told "why should I give up every Sunday"
So I have been cornered into agreeing every Fri or Sat but he has to let me know when suits him by a Tuesday, so I wait around to work my plans around his life!