what would you do in this birthday party situation?

spendingmad

I feel for the OP but I agree that I dont think its right to think bad of the other parents.

Most groups my children attend are paid per term/10 week block etc/ I would not be happy about 'wasting' £5 spent on karate session, plus have to pay approx £5-£10 for a present, Drive half way across town to a bowling alley, pay parking, buy a coffee whilst party is going on, make arrangements for siblings to go elsewhere etc for a party which is not that of a close friend.

If however it was at a weekend, didnt already have plans, could combine party with something else that day and have a relaxing time I would be happy for my kids to attend.

I would always plan a party around my kids 'best friends' and if anyone else can make it its a bonus.

pinkclouds

fluffnutter wrote: »

I guess it's not 'just once' and I like your idea about doubling up. The thing is, when I was 7 I was invited to my friends' birthday parties, not everyone in the entire class.

There seems to be a tendency now to invite absolutely everyone the kid as ever come into contact with. Perhaps that's because parents want to be inclusive, but the cynical part of me believes it's more likely to be because they all want to outdo each other with the biggest and best party.

It's more than 2 dozen per year, per child. Mind you, my kids are under 5. I cannot justify the expense or the inconvenience to attend every single party but I always RSVP and express gratitude - particularly when I'd had to bring both kids (with permission). I don't have bottomless pockets or babysitters on tap.

People *do* want to be inclusive if it's a "school" party. If it was a "home" party, then it would have been arranged more informally and I'd have expected OP and the other parents to have been on the same page re dates.

andrealm

Seems a bit odd for seven year olds to be going to bed at 6.30, lots of children that age and younger do activities on week nights that go on later than that. The parents must be very inflexible. I'd always accept a party invite if at all possible, as my dds would be disappointed to miss out on a party.

balletshoes

fluffnutter wrote: »

Provided they accept that people won't be bothered to come to their children's parties that they've take the time and trouble to organise, then that's fine.

Personally I think it's rude to decline any invitation unless you have a very good reason. As adults we should be teaching our children this.

I don't disagree with this - however, what is classed as a "good reason" is going to vary isn't it. For example, in this situation the OP has said her first couple of proposed dates weren't any good because of karate and football commitments.

My DD has a weekly dance class commitment of 2 hours every Saturday morning. If she gets invitations which clash with her dance class, she has to decline the invitation, because her dance class is a commitment (she is working towards exams or a show etc). Regular attendance is expected. I personally think that attending and participating in something you have signed up for and committed yourself to, is an important thing to teach our children.

fluffnutter

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't disagree with this - however, what is classed as a "good reason" is going to vary isn't it. For example, in this situation the OP has said her first couple of proposed dates weren't any good because of karate and football commitments.

My DD has a weekly dance class commitment of 2 hours every Saturday morning. If she gets invitations which clash with her dance class, she has to decline the invitation, because her dance class is a commitment (she is working towards exams or a show etc). Regular attendance is expected. I personally think that attending and participating in something you have signed up for and committed yourself to, is an important thing to teach our children.

Yeah, totally agree with you there.

Perhaps I'm just more into dancing than karate But then I guess I'm not into teaching little kids fighting techniques, regardless of how 'spiritual' it's all supposed to be.

JC9297

fluffnutter wrote: »

Yeah, totally agree with you there.

Perhaps I'm just more into dancing than karate But then I guess I'm not into teaching little kids fighting techniques, regardless of how 'spiritual' it's all supposed to be.

Funnily enough none of my son's friends at primary school went to dance classes, although many of them played football and a few did some form of martial art. My son got his black belt in Taekwondo aged 10, yes he did learn fighting techniques (which would never be used outside, it is a sport) but he learnt far more about discipline and working hard to achieve something.

jellyhead

My son's not one of the popular kids and has only been to 3 parties for classmates in year 2, although I know he'll have 2 more in the summer.

Maybe if he got invited to them all I'd feel more blase about them, but I always let him miss gymnastics or swimming to go to a party because these are his friends, and the activities aren't as important as friends.

I'm with those who say to invite different kids, if you want more than the 2 who can make it. You might need to include younger siblings though, if it's at a time when the other parent is working. Also, some kids go to their Dad's house on a week night too, but still, there are bound to be some kids who don't have a packed week of extra-curricular activities that they don't want to miss.

kjmtidea

This is why I always invite too many children and as for it only being 'one bloody lesson' - 3 of my children do Taekwondo, they train exceptionally hard and I very rarely let them miss a lesson. Not because I am being mean but because there is no point in training that hard, putting all that effort in and then missing a session when they have gradings and tournaments coming up.

It also costs me a small fortune and I want my moneys worth :rotfl:

themull1

I would ask my child if they wanted to go to someones party or their planned activity and let them make their own choice. I would never turn down a party without their knowing about it either.

fly_dragon_fly

wow well I wasn't expecting this many replies or a discussion over it but thank you for all replies.

I have invited 3 more children on the Friday and who ever turns up turns up.

I can understand those saying that the other parents have got unfair abuse but it was the manner and tone of the mums who made the excuses, my little one does Judo ( his dad is coach) but we give him the choice about what he wants to do when it comes to parties because he is old enough to decide himself

As for doing the party at the weekend I work 16 hours at the weekend so doing a party at a weekend wasn't possible and my OH works weekends too ( although not all weekend but I didn't want to put a party of hyper 6 years olds on him tbh) ( nans and grandads have our son when we are working)