what would you do in this birthday party situation?

pinkclouds

Seems like you have a simple choice: go ahead with the reduced number of guests or change the party details in the hope of attracting more guests.

The party is very important to you and your child but it's not hugely important to anyone else. My kids seem to get a ton of invitations throughout the year and I don't feel guilty about declining any of them for any reason. We've only attended one "school night" party, straight from school to a softplay and the party food had to do as tea for the kids. Surely 7 years old is young to be up late - were you planning on feeding them tea at the bowling and, if so, did people realise? Tbh, I can see why people declined - the karate/football might have been a pretext. Sorry for your disappointment.

sulkisu

Bit of a lone voice here, but I do think that the other parents are getting a bit of a rough ride here. Just as you have reasons for not being able to hold the party at the weekend, these parents also have reasons for not being able to attend on the day that you have chosen. I don't think that makes them unkind, unfair, not nice !!!! takers. They are just not prepared to change their plans to accommodate you and your son, which is fair enough assuming that they also have homes, jobs and families to juggle. It's not always easy.

suejb2

Go ahead with the children who can go and "blow" the others . Bedtime at 6:30!! even on a school night blimey,I like to enjoy my children's company.

fluffnutter

pinkclouds wrote: »

Seems like you have a simple choice: go ahead with the reduced number of guests or change the party details in the hope of attracting more guests.

The party is very important to you and your child but it's not hugely important to anyone else. My kids seem to get a ton of invitations throughout the year and I don't feel guilty about declining any of them for any reason. We've only attended one "school night" party, straight from school to a softplay and the party food had to do as tea for the kids. Surely 7 years old is young to be up late - were you planning on feeding them tea at the bowling and, if so, did people realise? Tbh, I can see why people declined - the karate/football might have been a pretext. Sorry for your disappointment.

I do understand but I also think this is a sad situation to be in. I was brought up to think it was nice to be invited to a party and that, unless you were unwell or were already doing something genuinely important, then the decent thing is to accept the invitation with grace and go.

After all, someone's making the effort for you, has arranged a party, possibly spending a fair bit of money and certainly their time, all so that you (and others of course) can enjoy themselves. The fact that this seems so easily dismissed in today's world really saddens me.

It's also really sad to think that no one can be bothered to spend time with you on your special day because they've got a poxy karate lesson!

fluffnutter

sulkisu wrote: »

Bit of a lone voice here, but I do think that the other parents are getting a bit of a rough ride here. Just as you have reasons for not being able to hold the party at the weekend, these parents also have reasons for not being able to attend on the day that you have chosen. I don't think that makes them unkind, unfair, not nice !!!! takers. They are just not prepared to change their plans to accommodate you and your son, which is fair enough assuming that they also have homes, jobs and families to juggle. It's not always easy.

Provided they accept that people won't be bothered to come to their children's parties that they've take the time and trouble to organise, then that's fine.

Personally I think it's rude to decline any invitation unless you have a very good reason. As adults we should be teaching our children this.

tooldle

Go ahead as planned but invite some other kids.
Whn my daughter was this age, I declined several invites to after school parties. Why? well, we both work, life has to be arrange around many variables, and sometimes it just isn't possible or convenient. I have declined invitations on the basis that my daughter had a swimming lesson. The reality is that my friend would collect both my child and hers, and get them over to the pool, I would them go sraight from work to the pool and join them. In these circumstance I would never have been able to get my daughter to any party on that particular night, if she wasn't swimming, she would be at after school club or some other childcare arrangement. Bed time was always early in our house, but when you leave for work at 6.30am, everyone is up early.
This is the way of things, don't read into it. They can't come, thats that, either go ahead as planned, or invite a few more guests.

*Robin*

fluffnutter wrote: »

I can understand why you're a bit hurt, fly dragon fly. These parents seem really inflexible. Surely it wouldn't hurt to miss a karate lesson or football just once for the sake of a birthday (which only happens once a year after all)?

My bold. The trouble is, it's not 'just once' is it? Throughout the year there will be twenty, thirty or maybe more such occasions when each of the child's friends, school-mates, cousins etc has their birthday.

We partly got round this by 'doubling-up'. For example, DS3's cousin has his birthday two days after Christmas - not a good time - so for years, the Cousin had an 'unbirthday' to co-incide with DS3's birthday in July. That's when the Cousin got his birthday presents, and us parents clubbed together to arrange a treat for both sets of mates all together. The Cousin was delighted with the arrangement as previously his birthday on December 27th was pretty much forgotten in the aftermath of Christmas!
DS4 and his best friend who is two days younger, also shared their party on the weekend closest to both dates.

Bowling was one of the most popular excursions (and relatively easy for helpers to keep an eye on the youngsters). Instead of party bags, all the kids were given pocket-money for the arcades - which they loved! (*I see another poster did the same thing ).

sulkisu

fluffnutter wrote: »

Provided they accept that people won't be bothered to come to their children's parties that they've take the time and trouble to organise, then that's fine.

Personally I think it's rude to decline any invitation unless you have a very good reason. As adults we should be teaching our children this.

Agreed, although I suppose where we differ is that I would view it as people not being able to attend as opposed to people not being bothered to attend. If it becomes a tit for tat, i.e. you couldn't come to mine so I won't bother to come to yours, then that is wrong. A good reason is subjective. I have turned down invites for what some might view as pretty rubbish reasons, although important to me and my family. I will teach my childrent that sometimes people won't be able to go along with their plans and the importance of not reading too much into this.

fluffnutter

*Robin* wrote: »

My bold. The trouble is, it's not 'just once' is it? Throughout the year there will be twenty, thirty or maybe more such occasions when each of the child's friends, school-mates, cousins etc has their birthday.

We partly got round this by 'doubling-up'. For example, DS3's cousin has his birthday two days after Christmas - not a good time - so for years, the Cousin had an 'unbirthday' to co-incide with DS3's birthday in July. That's when the Cousin got his birthday presents, and us parents clubbed together to arrange a treat for both sets of mates all together. The Cousin was delighted with the arrangement as previously his birthday on December 27th was pretty much forgotten in the aftermath of Christmas!
DS4 and his best friend who is two days younger, also shared their party on the weekend closest to both dates.

Bowling was one of the most popular excursions (and relatively easy for helpers to keep an eye on the youngsters). Instead of party bags, all the kids were given pocket-money for the arcades - which they loved! (*I see another poster did the same thing ).

I guess it's not 'just once' and I like your idea about doubling up. The thing is, when I was 7 I was invited to my friends' birthday parties, not everyone in the entire class.

There seems to be a tendency now to invite absolutely everyone the kid as ever come into contact with. Perhaps that's because parents want to be inclusive, but the cynical part of me believes it's more likely to be because they all want to outdo each other with the biggest and best party.

fluffnutter

Perhaps kids have so many peripheral activities these days - swimming, karate, football, dancing, music lessons, brownies, cubs etc. that they simply don't have time to go to their friends' birthday parties. Particularly if parents think 'I've paid for this, I'm damned if they're missing a session just for some party'.

That's a sad shift in priorities IMO.