MIT's penultimate diary

Skint_but_Optimistic

Aww bless her.
Thinking of you x

please-let-me-be-lucky

Sorry to hear that. Hugs Xx

millionaire_in_training

Thanks guys. I'm sitting trying to kick my own butt and I've found some positives . If she manages to get a place in the hospice then I can be just a visitor, which would be lovely. No cleaning, cooking, caring and all the other million things we do for her. Now I'm not saying I don't want to do that as I would do anything for her that was required but it would be so nice to just sit and chat and hold her hand.

I've looked at the hospice online and it is totally beautiful. It is just down the road from my work so I can nip out at lunch and see her. She will get the best care and the place is run by priests and nuns and my wee mum is such a wee holy woman that that would bring her a lot of peace. She is suffering terrible at times and they can alleviate all that for her. I spoke at length with her doctor before she went to see mum and also after she had been out. All my fears were founded and she is a poor wee soul. I had thought maybe I was dramatising things in my head but unfortunately no. Her death is not imminent but she will be highly medicated so the mum I know and love will not be there.

Now in the meantime she is rapping out orders to me about delivering birthday pressies etc and I cant help but laugh. She put £200 in my account today as she knows I'm spending a fortune on petrol etc and I don't get paid until next week. She is unbelievable :T. On the whole I am a wreck and when I get in the car the tears just flow and flow but I will get my head around this and just enjoy what time we have left. My manager spoke to me today about the transfer I requested 6 months ago :mad: but I dont want it now. I cant cope with a new job and new people along with everything else so I am not going to pursue this as I need my mates in work and at home around me just now. I'm very lucky with the support network I have although I havent even had a dinner tonight as have been on the phone all night.

Going to use the £200 to buy in loads of tins and freezer food so I have lots in that the kids can heat and eat for next wee while as I may need to let them fend for themselves some nights. My poor brother has a long standing arrangement to go away on Friday for a week and he will be so remote that we will have little contact with him and would have to send in the helicopter if he needs to get home :eek:. Doc says no though that he is quite safe to go and relax. I just want to hide in my cupboard under the stairs and get totally trashed but hey ho I will put my best foot forward and get on with it with a smile on my face,

Thank you so so much for your support. It means a lot xxx

Keeping_Positive

At least there are some positives for you and your Mum MIT.

hedgesparrow

I wish there were words that I could say to make everything better, but I know that there aren't. So I'll just say you are in my thoughts. Take care of yourself MIT.

millionaire_in_training

Thanks guys xx

Today I am more positive. I left work early as I kept crying ( so embarrassing) and I have taken the next 2 days off. I reckon once the weekend is over then I will be in control .

I popped in to see mum on my way home from work and took her in some flowers, not so MSE but I don't care. She looks better. Doc was in again today and no change BUT the morphine is doing what it is supposed to and her breathing feels easier to her. Between that and her increased oxygen she is feeling much more relaxed. Her new carers are working out beautifully as well so my brother and I are much happier about everything.

So today I have stocked up my freezers and they are both very very full. I even bought some ice lollies for the kids. I spent £66 in all and I have just done an online order for Asda for £62 and that will be delivered tomorrow morning, Loads of things for the kids that they can just heat up. There will be enough food for at least 2 weeks, I just need to get some butcher meat and that will be me.

Over the next 2 days I am going to gut my house.Cleaning always De-stresses me so that should sort me out. I'm going to strip all the beds and get the curtains down and washed. Then that means I have all my work done. My brother is away all next week so my mum is down to me. My dd and my niece are going to help too so not too bad really.

Buying all this now means I will not have to do a big shop from my June wage so that'll help loads. I have DS going away next week camping but just need to get him some goodies for that and it will be minimum spending money but he is off to France 2 weeks later and that will be loads of spending money. I still have a few things to pick up for him for his trip as well. It's also my best friend's silver wedding. I have ordered her cake which will cost £23 and I am putting in £30 into a collection with my friends to get them a weekend away. So rather an expensive month in front of me :eek:.

millionaire_in_training

EEK!! Just did my sums and £174.98 short of my £630 target this month . I still have a week though so I'll try my best

Skint_but_Optimistic

goodness, dont beat yourself up.You are doing fabulously.

Im glad you can see some positives. Its a tough time for you all x

Theatregal83

Keep smiling you can do it

millionaire_in_training

Had a much better day today. As I said I have taken a couple of days off so I have had time to chill and take stock. I got an ASDA delivery this morning and DD and I watched some telly and got mountains of washing done. I can almost say hi to the bottom of the washing basket as it is rather a long time since I have seen it :rotfl:.

I went into Mum's in the afternoon and we had a lovely time. My brother was there and we had a joke and a laugh. My aunt and her friend came in and they had a chat. My cousin came in with her 2 kids and it was one of their birthdays so we had to sing Happy Birthday and we all had cake. Mum was great as obviously her drugs are doing what they should be doing and she is much calmer and enjoyed everyone coming in and out. After I sorted her out I then went to my friends and she cooked me the loveliest steak dinner and we had a great wee chat. All in all other than having a sore liver I have had a much more positive day . Thank God as I hate feeling like I did. Thanks for all the lovely posts on here. It all makes a difference and no doubt I will go down again along the way but am okay now - well more able to deal with it anyway