Partners Unreasonable Ex...Where does He stand?

Tiddlywinks

gibboking wrote: »

My Partner has 3 children with his Ex, He has them on evenings (at her house) every other weekend ad every sunday - all so she can go to work. He is paying her money for the children every week through the bank, and he is also running his mum there one morning a week to have the children, again so she can work.
Surely, his mum gets benefit from this visit as she gets to spend time alone with the children. Also, it will save child care costs.

Now She has a new partner whom she has introduced the children too, has him round there most days and is getting on with her life happy as larry.
Sounding a bit bitter here already... why shouldn't she be happy?

At the weekend it was arranged that on the sunday when my partner has his children, that he would bring the children over and I could meet them - they were all excited when he went to colect them. THEN the Ex turned round and said that I could only see them for 15 mins, and then changed her mind totally, took the kids inside and refused to let him have them at all.
How was it 'arranged'? Did your BF suggest it to the children first and then to his ex?

She is now saying that I can never meet them, telling them all kinds of horrible thngs about me How do you know that? - she doesn't even know me!!
She is saying that when my partner has the children so she can work that he HAS to stay in with them - this is horrible for him as it was the home that they built together, and she has her new man in there all of the time now. How do you know that? Your ex is only there at certain times and at work or staying with relatives for the rest of the time.

She is also saying that she can take some kind of court order out on me to stop him being able to bring the kids near me....is this true? Who told you she said this? Your ex?

He is trying really really ahrd to be the best dad that he can be, and she is being so so spiteful. Its not even about me meeting the kids to us, its the fact that she can go about her life doing as she pleases and he has to jump to her every command. Wow.

gibboking wrote: »

He has them wednesday and Thursday evenings 6-10, He also drops his mum over on Thursday mornings to have them.
He has the Saturdays 8-6, Sunday 3-10 and the following Sunday 12-6. His mum will get the benefit of enjoying her grandchildren on her own plus it will be saving on childcare.

........ He has them at her house on the evenings cos of gettin them to bed etc. But she dictates to him that on the weekends he cant take them out cos she doesnt want them meeting me. If she thinks he is going to just do it any way she will ring in to work and not go in, refusing to let him have them.

We are happy to wait for her to give her permission for me to meet them, but she is telling the children lies about me How do you know this? and getting on with her life Why isn't she allowed to do this? and new partner.

gibboking wrote: »

She does have people who can help with childcare but then she expects my partner to help her pay for it. But... they are HIS children as well. At the moment after paying everything out he is only left with £100per week to live on - he is never going to be able to get a place of his own etc.

He cant realy have them over night as he doesnt have anywhere to have them. That's not wholly his ex's fault though really, is it?

we have disscussed him living here but feel it would just add fuel to her fire.

She is a very nasty piece of work!!

My impression is that you are taking your new BFs side against what you see as the enemy BUT you need to appreciate the bigger picture. Do you really know the full truth behind the relationship breakdown? Is there a particular reason why she is so upset at the prospect of her ex having a GF?

Your BF's version of events will be from his perspective and told with his own slant. His ex may well have an entirely different take on the situation which, again, will be from her view of events.

The best thing your BF can do is arrange for negotiation of a formal agreement for financial and child related matters as soon as possible.

Like it or not (and this applies to his ex as well) your new BF will ALWAYS be linked to his ex as they share children. You all need to find a way to make it work or the children will be the real losers in the resulting mess.

rainbow81

I understand OP, I have had a very similar situation with my recent ex and after 2 years of it I have had enough. If it is affecting your relationship with your partner then of course you have a right to have some feelings about it.

In our situation the ex had a boyfirend, who went on holiday with the kids, etc while I was not allowed near them, I just recently got them an easter egg each and she blew up, saying she was taking the kids and he could never see them again. Overreaction or what?

Some parents just want/need to have all the power. Was the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex similar when they were together?

I have no idea what you can do but I do understand that it may feel that your boyfriend's loyalty still lies with his ex and that hurts.

Personally, I walked away, but at 4 months I kept a low profile. I have a son of my own too so I didn't want to rush anything either.

Maybe lay off meeting the kids for a bit longer perhaps would help. And apart from signposting people who can help your boyfriend, and supporting him as far as you can, there's not a lot you can do. It is in his kids' interests to keep things as amicable as possible, but it does sound like the ex is taking the p*ss out of his wanting to do the right thing.