Partners Unreasonable Ex...Where does He stand?

gibboking

Long Long Story made rather short:

My Partner has 3 children with his Ex, He has them on evenings (at her house) every other weekend ad every sunday - all so she can go to work. He is paying her money for the children every week through the bank, and he is also running his mum there one morning a week to have the children, again so she can work.
Now She has a new partner whom she has introduced the children too, has him round there most days and is getting on with her life happy as larry.
At the weekend it was arranged that on the sunday when my partner has his children, that he would bring the children over and I could meet them - they were all excited when he went to colect them. THEN the Ex turned round and said that I could only see them for 15 mins, and then changed her mind totally, took the kids inside and refused to let him have them at all.
She is now saying that I can never meet them, telling them all kinds of horrible thngs about me - she doesn't even know me!!
She is saying that when my partner has the children so she can work that he HAS to stay in with them - this is horrible for him as it was the home that they built together, and she has her new man in there all of the time now.
She is also saying that she can take some kind of court order out on me to stop him being able to bring the kids near me....is this true?

He is trying really really ahrd to be the best dad that he can be, and she is being so so spiteful. Its not even about me meeting the kids to us, its the fact that she can go about her life doing as she pleases and he has to jump to her every command.

Does he have any rights at all?

Any help is greatly appreciated!!

PS He has an appointment with a solicitor next Friday.

blondy24

Hello, I can emphasis with you, it is difficult for the dad of children to get a structure that works. How far away does he live from his ex/children? What are the reasons for him having to stay at his ex's house is it for when the children come home from school? Does his ex have family close by that can also help. In my opinion both your OH and his ex should be doing their fair share of responsibility.

We had issues with my OH's ex and set up but now have a structure in place via a solicitor which works well and at least everyone knows what's happening esp. the children.

gibboking

Hi,

He has them wednesday and Thursday evenings 6-10, He also drops his mum over on Thursday mornings to have them.
He has the Saturdays 8-6, Sunday 3-10 and the following Sunday 12-6.
Its a 15-20 mile round trip each time for him.
He has them at her house on the evenings cos of gettin them to bed etc. But she dictates to him that on the weekends he cant take them out cos she doesnt want them meeting me. If she thinks he is going to just do it any way she will ring in to work and not go in, refusing to let him have them.

We are happy to wait for her to give her permission for me to meet them, but she is telling the children lies about me and getting on with her life and new partner.

blondy24

I think he needs to speak to solicitor next week perhaps he could set up that he has the children from 8am on a Saturday until Monday morning and drops them off at school that way there would be less going back and forth on those weekends. As for Wednesday and Thursday evenings could he not have the children to stay over to sleep and drop them off at school in the morning would save him having to spend time at her house. The solicitor will talk through ideas and what your OH wants it has to be both ways and not fair for him not to go out and enjoy time with the children.

Sorry another question - how long have you and OH been together? Do you live together or does he have his own place?

Does his ex have any family close by that could help on one of the evenings perhaps?

Mojisola

As well as getting legal advice, your OH should contact one of the fathers' support groups - they will have seen all this before.

The children have two parents - they are not just hers. She cannot control the contact they have with their father to this degree.

BitterAndTwisted

She can make all the demands she likes but cannot enforce where he takes the children when she's not there. I'd be encouraging him to stop spending time at her home and make arrangements to take them elsewhere. I'd also be having a think about suggesting that he doesn't ferry Mum around so she can be an unpaid babysitter as well. Let the new bloke take up the slack if he's so keen to spend so much time there.

It's not your battle to fight, so it might be best if you just listen, offer sympathy but don't get emotionally involved in this as it could just make things worse. To be honest your OH sounds a bit passive. Is this because he fears retribution in the form of less contact being allowed?

gibboking

Well, we have know each other for 18 years (we were each others first love, too young to appreciate it back then, but recently got back together after leaving bad relationships) we have been together for 4 months now. We don't live together at the moment, he is sleeping at his sisters house (in his nephews bed, who is sleeping in with his mum atm)

She does have people who can help with childcare but then she expects my partner to help her pay for it. At the moment after paying everything out he is only left with £100per week to live on - he is never going to be able to get a place of his own etc.

He cant realy have them over night as he doesnt have anywhere to have them.

we have disscussed him living here but feel it would just add fuel to her fire.

She is a very nasty piece of work!!

gibboking

I am staying out of it and just trying to be supportive but its hard seeing him so upset, and she is saying awful things to about me to her children and family.
OH is being a bit passive to her demands but he just wants to see his children and will do what he can to enable him to do so. He doesn't know where he stands so feels he has no choice but to do as she say's...for now!

Mojisola

gibboking wrote: »

Well, we have know each other for 18 years (we were each others first love, too young to appreciate it back then, but recently got back together after leaving bad relationships) we have been together for 4 months now. We don't live together at the moment, he is sleeping at his sisters house (in his nephews bed, who is sleeping in with his mum atm)

She does have people who can help with childcare but then she expects my partner to help her pay for it. At the moment after paying everything out he is only left with £100per week to live on - he is never going to be able to get a place of his own etc.

He cant realy have them over night as he doesnt have anywhere to have them.

we have disscussed him living here but feel it would just add fuel to her fire.

She is a very nasty piece of work!!

Check on the CSA what he has - by law - to pay her and reduce his payments to that level.

Sort out the contact arrangements so that he has proper access to his children. It sounds as if it will have to be done through the courts so get what advice you can from the support groups.

blondy24

Is your OH getting a free 30mins at the solicitors? Are you going to a solicitor that specialises in family situations?

He needs to get stronger and defend his side. Get him to write down any situations that happen and put the date along with writing down text messages/emails etc. The solicitor might want to see the texts/email as evidence.

You don't necessarily have to go down the court route to get the contact arrangements set up but your OH will have to be willing to pay at least a few hundred pounds to get this agreement drawn up by his solicitor (unless has legal aid).

FatVonD

gibboking wrote: »

Long Long Story made rather short:

My Partner has 3 children with his Ex, He has them on evenings (at her house) every other weekend ad every sunday - all so she can go to work. He is paying her money for the children every week through the bank, and he is also running his mum there one morning a week to have the children, again so she can work.

You sound like you resent her earning a living? She's presumably looking after the children while he is at work a lot of the time and his mum is looking after them while both of them are at work so she's not doing it just for her.

Why do you think it's unreasonable of her to expect him to contribute towards childcare while both of them are at work, would he be prepared to give up work to look after them instead?