To Parents of teenage girls

bestpud

Elmiee wrote: »

I was homeschooled and here's my 2 cents.

I went to normal school, everything was fine until I went into year 7, all my other friends par 1 went to a different school - the one I also wanted to go to but my parents refused as "it didn't have a uniform" I got bullied anyway - never told my parents about this.

But my mum was big into what americans were into at the time and one of those things was homeschooling, I'd just finished Year 7 when I was taken out to be homeschooled.

I would have much rather stayed in school and put up with the bullying and have had a chance of making more friends than be stuck at home with no company - I won't get into it too much as everyone homeschools differently but homeschooling is very restricing and was really hard for me.

My eldest daughter is almost 20 and still suffers the effects of bullying at school, so I'm not sure I'd be so quick to wish it on yourself. Bullying can be severe and knock your confidence to the point you trust nobody and will probably always struggle to make new friends.

I home-ed my youngest daughter but my decision was nothing to do with bullying and I don't think the OP is describing bullying either.

Home-ed offers far better opportunities for socialising and creating well meaning and positive relationships, but only if parents make the effort. Sorry to hear yours didn't

balletshoes

tiff wrote: »

Because kids arent adults and its normal for them during their teenage years to have these ups and downs in relationships.

yep, and they think they're being grown-ups by being b**chy and smartmouths. They don't, and won't realise that it just makes them look even more juvenile, until they really are adults.

bestpud

tiff wrote: »

Because kids arent adults and its normal for them during their teenage years to have these ups and downs in relationships.

It would be normal among adults if we simply accepted it!

Mado

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Year 9 seems to be the year when new solid friendships are made.

Completely agree with this.

Yr 7 was quite a nightmare as it involved moving from a small tight knitt school to a large one and she was very much a singleton from her school (apart from another girl who is a horrid little madam).
She sort of found friends, but there is a lot of posturing and b1tchiness which really was tough on her (not that I believe DD to be an angel herself).

In Yr 8 we saw a transition to friends she was making outside her form, either in classes where they were streamed or in after school activity (orchestra, netball, athletics, etc..).
These friendships have consolidated in Yr9 and she now has a lovely circle of friends. I know I'm not the only Mum in that group has has breathed a sigh of relief at seing them fitting in with girls who share the same interests. (OK, they're all girls who want to do well but still want to have some fun!).

It does get better. Hang in there.:D

duchy

From what I remember from my own school days and having worked fairly recently in a high school -I do agree year eight seems to be the worst time and after that it all calms down .

I moved schools in year 9 and ended up going to a school where a lot of kids from my primary school had gone so it was a little strange as I wasn't entirely the "new girl" as a lot of people knew me from four years earlier. In the old school I'd had a couple of "best friends" who I still kept in contact with but the new school dynamic was different -A lot of the friendship groups were quite "closed" eg the girls who liked a certain type of music, the "swots" the cool kids etc somehow because I came with no "label" I managed to not get catagorized into any one group and became good friends with a real mix of people. I can remember a Monday morning at 16 talking about the weekend when I had gone out with one group dancing on the Friday (out with my old school friends Saturday) and to a rock gig with another group on the Sunday and someone blurting out "But how can you be friends with X as well as Y -they like different music" and me shrugging and saying "I like them both -they are both nice people so why not?" So I guess I was another who marched to my own drum and I was admired for doing so but I got the comment that I could do it but "they" couldn't. I suspect I moved schools at the right time though and that a year earlier when friendships were rockier I might have had a hard time of it crossing those friendship groups.

Moominmamma

bestpud wrote: »

I was asking why it is 'normal' and accepted when we wouldn't put up with it as adults. Why is it ok for our kids to go through that?

I don't think it is ok, I have spoken to my dd about her friendship choices and the subsequent upset that some of these choices have caused. I have also spoken to her teacher, who has been fab.

Ultimately though I have very little power over who she chooses to spend her time with at school and of course I don't want to dictate who she can and can't play with anyway! I do feel that dealing with friendship issues is a lesson we all have to learn, and the situations many of our dds are facing, whilst unpleasant, are part and parcel of this.

Hezzawithkids

Agree with majority, my DD went through excactly the same thing and I'd say it took her a good 2-3 years, and some iffy choices of "friend"! - to settle down. It's part of growing up, the transition to a strange new environment after the cosy world of primary school, and changing, and all perfectly normal. My DD is now in Year 12 and has for the last few years created a circle of lovely, fun, supportive and like-minded friends who are a pleasure to be around. The first couple of years will be hard but it sounds like you are there for her, what a great mum!

Heart_Shaped_Diamond

I hated those years at school. They were particularly bad for me/the group of friends I was in. We were all melodramatic and had fall outs every other day:rotfl:.

I was happier when we got older and started to hang around in mixed groups of friends, male and female. That way it wasn't one big group of b!tchy girls winding one another up all day. God knows how the boys could stand it though :eek: