To Parents of teenage girls

[Deleted User]

My DD is in the first year of senior school. When I was at school, I had a core group of friends that were loyal, trustworthy, caring and welcoming and we stayed friends throughout the whole of senior school. No-one was ever nasty or spiteful and we looked out for each other.

This first year of senior school has been quite traumatic. My DD is now on her third group of friends. She makes friends with a new group and they are nice for a couple of months and then just seem to all fall out. Is this what it's going to be like for the next 4 years? A couple of times it's been that bad I've had to make a visit to the school.

If I could afford not to work I would home school.

Is this about par for the course?

rachhh

I am still a teenage girl... for the next 7 days at least, until my 20th! And this was the norm for me during High School, as well as most other people there.
I changed a lot as a teenager, as did my female friends, so it was almost natural that my friendship groups did too. Yes there was !!!!!ing, arguing, bullying, but even in adult life I'm finding many girls are like that!
It's a cliche! but I do think things like that are a part of growing up, just be there for her when things go wrong and hope that eventually she'll find a group to settle in with more permanently

Person_one

I hate to say this, and know its not easy to consider, but are you sure the issues aren't with your daughter?

Do you know what the fallouts are about? Are the groups completely disbanding or is your daughter the only one moving on to a new group over and over?

[Deleted User]

rachhh wrote: »

I am still a teenage girl... for the next 7 days at least, until my 20th! And this was the norm for me during High School, as well as most other people there.
I changed a lot as a teenager, as did my female friends, so it was almost natural that my friendship groups did too. Yes there was !!!!!ing, arguing, bullying, but even in adult life I'm finding many girls are like that!
It's a cliche! but I do think things like that are a part of growing up, just be there for her when things go wrong and hope that eventually she'll find a group to settle in with more permanently

Thanks for your reply. It's such a long time ago for me and I dont remember it being so bad. Luckily she tells me everything and I try and steer her in the right direction.

Moominmamma

Par for the course with girls, I would say

My DD is only 9 and I'm already seeing this kind of behaviour, unfortunately we really can't exercise much control over our kids' relationships at school and as rachh says the most you can realistically do is comfort her when things go wrong.

How were school when you went in?

daisiegg

I'm not a parent of teenage girls...but I have an almost-step-daugher who is 15, I teach in an all girls school and I was one myself not that long ago........ I think what your daughter is experiencing may well continue over the next two years or so...but in my experience, once they get to about Year 9 and 10, their friendship groups are better formed and they tend to be more settled. We always say Year 8 is the worst year for this sort of thing - they are starting to get the hormones flooding in and there are soooooo many friendship issues and dramas, but it does calm down and get better!

Teenage girls do tend to go on to form the proper, healthy, lasting friendships (I'm still close to some of my friends from school and I left nearly 10 years ago) but it might not happen straight away. Bear in mind as well that your daughter is at an age where everything is heightened and dramatic and gets blown out of proportion.

Good luck!

nickj_2

i have 2 teenage girls , i think they both took a long time to find real friends that they see outside of school , but they have not had any big fall outs with anyone .
hopefully your daughter will find someone to hang out with who will be a true friend .

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

I hate to say this, and know its not easy to consider, but are you sure the issues aren't with your daughter?

Do you know what the fallouts are about? Are the groups completely disbanding or is your daughter the only one moving on to a new group over and over?

Luckily my DD is very open with me and will tell me what has gone on. What I would say about my daughter is that she is not easily led and knows her own mind. If someone tries to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, then she will make sure they know. She is definitely not a sheep.

This can sometimes make her different to the others. She fell out with her last set of friends because they had been making fun of someone with learning difficulties. She was so upset about it and to her credit, told them they were out of order. Obviously this didnt go down too well. They were all lovely girls until another girl joined forces with them.

I'm not one of those parents who thinks her child is perfect, she is flawed and makes mistakes like the rest of us, but she is being brought up to respect people and to always treat others how she would like to be treated.

I feel like children nowadays are being forced to grow up too quickly.

[Deleted User]

Moominmamma wrote: »

Par for the course with girls, I would say

My DD is only 9 and I'm already seeing this kind of behaviour, unfortunately we really can't exercise much control over our kids' relationships at school and as rachh says the most you can realistically do is comfort her when things go wrong.

How were school when you went in?

The school were really good. My daughter wanted to have it out with these girls in front of the head of Year 7 so it was all arranged. The Head basically said that she had a lot of cases like this to deal with and that by year 8 it generally settles down. In the end, I cancelled the appointment because these girls were staying away from my DD and I thought it might stir up trouble. Since then, apart from staring at her, they don't cause her any issues.

moneypuddle

I agree. its a shame but its totally normal. I'm 26 and it was just like this when I was at school.

tiff

I have exactly the same situation with my DD. She's in year 7, hasnt made any real friends that she sees out of school even though she has been swimming with one girl and the cinema with two others nothing further takes place. Some of the girls are very mean to her and her tutor believes its because my DD is very confident and is her own person and these girls are insecure and taking it out on her.

She also really misses the close relationship she had with 3 or 4 girls from primary school who went to a different school. I cant wait till she finds some real friends because I just feel so sad about it all and feel she's alone all the time doing things with her Mum!