To Parents of teenage girls

[Deleted User]

tiff wrote: »

I have exactly the same situation with my DD. She's in year 7, hasnt made any real friends that she sees out of school even though she has been swimming with one girl and the cinema with two others nothing further takes place. Some of the girls are very mean to her and her tutor believes its because my DD is very confident and is her own person and these girls are insecure and taking it out on her.

She also really misses the close relationship she had with 3 or 4 girls from primary school who went to a different school. I cant wait till she finds some real friends because I just feel so sad about it all and feel she's alone all the time doing things with her Mum!

My daughter is also very confident and I would say she is a leader not a follower. She also has a friend who moved abroad and they both see each other as their "bestest friends". I find that I'm for ever having children round my house yet there are very few offers for my DD to go to theirs. A lot of these girls are on their phones till all hours and Facebook even though they are under 13. The parents have no idea or don't seem care what they are up to.

I too hope that true genuine friends come along soon as I'm finding it very stressful.

tanith

As you say , she is confidant and will sort it out for herself , maybe you should take a step back and let her get on with it, it really shouldn't be making you stressed , of course you'll be concerned but children change friends like we'd change our underwear which is daily and they pick and choose who they like and don't like . I'm sure things will settle down and she'll find people who 'match' with her..

tiff

mariacallas wrote: »

My daughter is also very confident and I would say she is a leader not a follower. She also has a friend who moved abroad and they both see each other as their "bestest friends". I find that I'm for ever having children round my house yet there are very few offers for my DD to go to theirs. A lot of these girls are on their phones till all hours and Facebook even though they are under 13. The parents have no idea or don't seem care what they are up to.

I too hope that true genuine friends come along soon as I'm finding it very stressful.

They sound like similar personalities. I agree also that some of the other girls are allowed to do a lot more than my DD is allowed to do which means they grow up quicker. My DD is never asked to go anywhere either but quite frankly I dont think she needs to be going into town on the bus every Saturday at the age of 11 lol I am sure things will sort themselves out in time.

[Deleted User]

tiff wrote: »

They sound like similar personalities. I agree also that some of the other girls are allowed to do a lot more than my DD is allowed to do which means they grow up quicker. My DD is never asked to go anywhere either but quite frankly I dont think she needs to be going into town on the bus every Saturday at the age of 11 lol I am sure things will sort themselves out in time.

I joined Facebook about a year ago to learn what it's all about and keep up to date with what the youngsters are into. The other day, I saw a year 7 girl in underwear, heavily made up on her profile picture after another mother drew my attention to it. She looked 16 and had obviously put in a ficticious age to get round the min age requirement. There is also another video on youtube of two year 7 girls and the title of their video is their full names!

My daughter has also been invited to shopping trips into town which I have said no to due to her being 11 and on Monday morning, these girls were bragging about what makeup they had stolen.

I'm very old fashioned in my parenting methods and my children are not allowed on the internet unsupervised and they do not have a TV in their room. They are also not allowed to watch material that is unsuitable for their age group. My 7 year old has friends that are playing certificate 18 games on XBox and their parents do not see this as a problem.

My DD is quite a strong character really and takes it all in her stride and will not shy away from having it out with anyone that wrongs her, but I find it upsetting as I had a lovely set of friends that I am still quite close to 30 years later and I joined my senior school in what would be year 9.

Oh well, only another 4 years of this!

emsywoo123

mariacallas wrote: »

I'm very old fashioned in my parenting methods

Old fashioned or just proper?!

I agree with all you said in that post, and I am 31 with an 8 yr old DD. (and 17 month DS but people tell me it will be a breeze compared to the hormonal navigations of a teenage daughter )

I wish more of DDs friends mums were like you

[Deleted User]

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Old fashioned or just proper?!

I agree with all you said in that post, and I am 31 with an 8 yr old DD. (and 17 month DS but people tell me it will be a breeze compared to the hormonal navigations of a teenage daughter )

I wish more of DDs friends mums were like you

Thanks for that. I sometimes wonder if people think I'm from the Victorian age, but I want my children to have respect for themselves and respect for others. I don't envy teachers these days. It's a job I couldn't do.

Caroline_a

I brought up 3 girls through 'teenagehood' and went to an all-girls school myself. One of my girls stayed friends with her friends all through school, another swapped virtually every term and the third kept some friends, swapped some others, but was pretty much friends with everybody!

As for me, I was bullied in my first 2 years, probably because I was the only one from my school. I never told my parents as I thought it was my fault anyway, but eventually they accepted me and I ended up with half a dozen friends, none of whom I see now. As far as the bullying went... I feel it made me stronger having to deal with it myself, but that's a whole different thread!

What I was trying to say was that all situations for young girls are different, and if your daughter as you say is not a sheep, then I would step back a bit and see how she goes. Make sure that your rules are still followed re when and where she can go out, but allow her to make her own friends... and break them too!

[Deleted User]

Caroline_a wrote: »

I brought up 3 girls through 'teenagehood' and went to an all-girls school myself. One of my girls stayed friends with her friends all through school, another swapped virtually every term and the third kept some friends, swapped some others, but was pretty much friends with everybody!

As for me, I was bullied in my first 2 years, probably because I was the only one from my school. I never told my parents as I thought it was my fault anyway, but eventually they accepted me and I ended up with half a dozen friends, none of whom I see now. As far as the bullying went... I feel it made me stronger having to deal with it myself, but that's a whole different thread!

What I was trying to say was that all situations for young girls are different, and if your daughter as you say is not a sheep, then I would step back a bit and see how she goes. Make sure that your rules are still followed re when and where she can go out, but allow her to make her own friends... and break them too!

Thanks for your reply. I mainly act as a sympathetic listener to her woes and I leave her to sort it out. With the last group of friends, I advised her to move on and find new friends, but she became obsessed with finding out why they were being nasty to her. The school suggested a get together, but it was 3 weeks before an appointment was made. It was my DD that wanted to confront these two girls in a meeting. The year 7 co-ordinator had a chat with her and advised her that these girls could very well turn round and say they hate her and that's why they were being mean but my daughter said "I don't care, I just want to find out why they have turned on me". In the meantime, these girls stayed away from her so I cancelled the meeting to put an end to it all. Then my daughter, had it out with them face to face in the playground and they lied to her and denied they had done anything.

I'm sure she will eventually find some nice genuine friends. Doesnt help that I have PMT!

Seanymph

I have three - and yes, completely normal.

I think it is heightened now because they have so much more interaction (and so much more opportunity to fall out) - they aren't just in touch in school, but in touch via text, mobile, facebook, twitter.....

Where we went home and everyone calmed down now if someone does something stupid it seems to appear on Youtube before the teacher has left the classroom!

As for it settling? Well, my eldest is 18 and last night I had her in tears because a girl she had been hanging out with at college was mean to her.

I'm sure it's all easier to live through than watch.

Emmarillo

Seanymph wrote: »

I'm sure it's all easier to live through than watch.

I think this is very good advice. I lose a lot of sleep over my 13 year old, but she doesn't seem bothered by things. Of course I then worry that she bottles things up.

When my daughters were little I thought that parenthood was a breeze. They always ate and slept well, played nicely together, did well at school etc, but the last three years have more than made up for it.