To Parents of teenage girls

bestpud

I don't blame you for feeling worried - I think it's natural for parents to be concerned and I don't believe for one moment that your dd doesn't care what they think or isn't making some negative assumptions about herself over this.

I'm concerned about all the people who think this is perfectly normal and part of being a girl in school. It's sad how ready we are to dismiss their distress and unhappiness and even pretend it is doing them good. :eek:

We wouldn't accept it in the workplace so why is it ok in schools?

Amishwannabee

Having never had "best" friends ever at school but just being friends with everyone I think served me well many moons ago.
My daughter is bright and knows her own mind and has tried to stick to one or two special friends but found it too stifling so she too tends to be friends with everyone and has never had issues herself and has ended being a sounding board for others who have. She always tells me if she is worried - mostly for others and we talk it through and she is very happy, sensible and just about to do final exams. Go girl! All through my kids' school lives I was never one of those mothers who rings others mothers up or is down the school sorting things out - those children and their mothers seem to be the ones with constant issues and too much interference going on. The girls sort themselves out mostly - but boys are a lot easier I can tell you!

mintymoneysaver

I have two daughters. The first one is now just coming up to her A levels, and has had the same group of friends all the way through, a few minor fallings out but they're still all the best of friends. ( Actually, thinking about it now she did have another best friend for Year 7, it was Year 8 that they all got together) The second one has had big fallings out with all sorts of people, mainly because, like your daughter, she won't put up with meanness. She is quiet, but knows her own mind and isn't so much of a follower as her older sister, who comes across as super confident but still likes to do what others do. She's in Year 10 now, and has had roughly the same friends for the past two years, but I still hear new names being added and taken away on a regular basis. Only lst week I was telling her she changes her friends as often as I change my socks!
And for what it's worth, I teach in a primary school and the year 5 girls I teach are worse than any teenager for falling out and being nasty to each other!

Moominmamma

bestpud wrote: »

I'm concerned about all the people who think this is perfectly normal and part of being a girl in school. It's sad how ready we are to dismiss their distress and unhappiness and even pretend it is doing them good. :eek:

Judging from the majority of responses so far it does, sadly, seem completely "normal", but I can't see that any poster has been at all dismissive of the distress this behaviour causes, far from it in fact.

Elmiee_2

I was homeschooled and here's my 2 cents.

I went to normal school, everything was fine until I went into year 7, all my other friends par 1 went to a different school - the one I also wanted to go to but my parents refused as "it didn't have a uniform" I got bullied anyway - never told my parents about this.

But my mum was big into what americans were into at the time and one of those things was homeschooling, I'd just finished Year 7 when I was taken out to be homeschooled.

I would have much rather stayed in school and put up with the bullying and have had a chance of making more friends than be stuck at home with no company - I won't get into it too much as everyone homeschools differently but homeschooling is very restricing and was really hard for me.

Mrs_Arcanum

Blimey, DD is still best friends with two girls from primary school and her current group has developed over the 5 years at senior school with her closest friend being someone she met at senior school a few years ago now. Year 9 seems to be the year when new solid friendships are made.

anguk

My daughter is 18 now and she's had the same close group of about 6 friends since they were all about 10. There's never been any falling out or arguments but I think that's because all of them have very similar characters and personalities and come from very similar backgrounds (none of the parents have allowed the girls to hang around the streets, drink etc, we were all quite strict about what they could or couldn't do). Now they're 18 they've gone separate ways, some to college/6th form, some now work but they're still very close and meet up socially. She's very close to two of the girls and the three of them are best friends.

I think my daughter has been very lucky because normally girls fall out, there's usually some b*tching or jealousy but thankfully she hasn't had to go through any of that. They're all very close and protective of each other.

bestpud

Moominmamma wrote: »

Judging from the majority of responses so far it does, sadly, seem completely "normal", but I can't see that any poster has been at all dismissive of the distress this behaviour causes, far from it in fact.

I was asking why it is 'normal' and accepted when we wouldn't put up with it as adults. Why is it ok for our kids to go through that?

tiff

Because kids arent adults and its normal for them during their teenage years to have these ups and downs in relationships.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

mariacallas wrote: »

My DD is in the first year of senior school. When I was at school, I had a core group of friends that were loyal, trustworthy, caring and welcoming and we stayed friends throughout the whole of senior school. No-one was ever nasty or spiteful and we looked out for each other.

This first year of senior school has been quite traumatic. My DD is now on her third group of friends. She makes friends with a new group and they are nice for a couple of months and then just seem to all fall out. Is this what it's going to be like for the next 4 years? A couple of times it's been that bad I've had to make a visit to the school.

If I could afford not to work I would home school.

Is this about par for the course?

I think girls are alot more b1tchy these days.

My daughter is 13 & in yr 8 & had absoloutely no issue's in primary school but within a couple of months of being at Secondary school she was being bullied. She is a quiet shy girl & all the teachers through primary school always commented on how she was such a nice girl & didn't have any spite in her so I know it wasn't her fault.

Eventually after going down the school many times I moved her to a different school.

I don't think mobile phones or facebook help as they all seem to sl@g each other off constantly, if I see Meg getting involved I ban her for a week.