Moving house - MIL being a nightmare.

Gra76

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

She expects you to be 2 minutes away from her at all times? Really?

In terms of where we live....unfortunately I suspect the answer to this is yes.

Sambucus_Nigra

Gra76 wrote: »

In terms of where we live....unfortunately I suspect the answer to this is yes.

So how many houses, for sale, can you afford in this 2 minute response time area?

If none, ask her what is to be done to achieve a bigger house when you only have £x to spend...

londonsurrey

Gra76 wrote: »

In terms of where we live....unfortunately I suspect the answer to this is yes.

People are not stupid, and they will want all kinds of things. It's actually quite reasonable, in that if they want something, ask for it, and get it, then why shouldn't they? Children know that from their earliest days.

It's up to the giver to put their foot down, rather than expecting the other person to always "play nice" and not ask/demand what they want.

You teach it to your children. It's just that some parents have their children trained so well that the children don't always remember that they can say "no" to their parents, even when they're supposedly all grown up and everything!

victory

I take it your MIL is not going to make any financial contribution towards your move/staying in the village/the exta £££ you will need for that?

If the answer is no and the only concern is a 20 min drive away which you say your MIL is capable of doing then MIL should think how lucky she is because many families live so far apart the only time they get together is one day a year, this is not going to happen to your MIL, no contact will be lost, actually close proximity yes but nothing else.

Taking MIL for a drive to show her how close it actually is very good idea, involve her yes but the final decision is yours and your wife's for the good of you two and your children and future.

LandyAndy

Gra76 wrote: »

There's only 3 problems with this idea.

The first being that her house wouldn't be big enough as it is as she also owns a 3 bedroom property, although it's on a half decent sized plot. With some careful planning I'm sure this could easily be turned into a 4 bedroom property as I know she has a much bigger loft space than we do and there's certainly room to install a stairwell. The problem I have is I really don't like the house though and it doesn't get anywhere near meeting the list of 'must haves' that my wife has put together anyway.

The second one is that hers is a bungalow and ours is 2 storey. With her problems with mobility getting up and down stairs already being a bit of a problem she wouldn't be much use living in a 2 storey property unless we installed a lift.

The third and possibly the biggest problem is that my wife has a sister who has already voiced her opinion on things. It's fair to say she's not entirely reasonable at the best of times! She's already mentioned that she needs money (her financial situation isn't great) and that if her mum sells up she's expecting something out of it. That was almost enough to cause an arguement with her mum and that was only a very brief discussion. The less my wifes sister gets involved the better!

Ah well. It was just an idea no one else had suggested.

claire16c

Gra76 wrote: »

This was what made my wife come round to looking at houses that didn't end up with us having a large mortgage. Originally she was looking at houses upwards of £300k before I managed to talk some sense into her!

When I've tried to broach the topic with my MIL she goes into shutdown mode or starts finding fault with things I say, so I've left it up to my wife to talk to her as although I get on with my MIL pretty well, I know that there's only so many times I can listen to the same irrelevant comments before I pipe up and say something I might regret. I'd rather keep my relationship with her civil if at all possible!

Well, the footprint of our property isn't exactly large and our back garden is the size of a postage stamp as it is. I've had a brief look in the loft and even if we could board it out and convert it to another bedroom, there's no real space to put a stairwell in due to the layout of the house. There's certainly no room to put it anywhere on the landing and that means it'll end up in one of the bedrooms, which isn't ideal as the bedrooms aren't big as it stands.

Regarding moving schools, I've asked my 7yr old son about this as it's really only him that's of school age anyway (the other two are 3yrs and 1yr) and he's happy to move schools, so that's good news at least.

If my MIL wanted to come and visit she's got a car and doesn't have any problems driving so she could come whenever she wanted. With it being 20 mins away it would mean another 18 mins or so to drive. I'm half tempted to 'accidentally' take her for a day trip there to show her how close it is.

SHE can drive but shes complaining about 20 minutes? That would make it a non-issue for me after hearing that.

I was imagining someone who could manage a few steps to your house now but figured if you moved 20 mins car drive away then shed be relying purely on you seeing her. But if she can drive - what on earth is the problem?

Also even if you could extend your house, I cant imagine that living on a building site with 2 toddlers and a 7 year old would be much fun.

I think shes been extremely lucky to have her daughter live only 2 mins away for as long as she has. Plenty of parents have to cope with their kids moving a lot further away than 20 mins!!

I agree with everyone else who said to stop talking about it, until all contracts are signed.

Caroline_a

My eldest daughter and her family live 200 miles away from me. We use Skype a lot, and her little ones love it. Maybe treat mil to a laptop or iPad when you move!

Gra76

So how many houses, for sale, can you afford in this 2 minute response time area?

We can afford to buy quite a few houses in the area at current interest rates, but I'm not naive enough to think the base rate is staying at 0.5% for the next 25 years so I want to make sure we have plenty of breathing space when the interest rates rise again. If I can take out a £50k mortgage rather than a £120k mortgage and achieve the same goal then I'd hope that when push came to shove I'd take the £50k mortgage. We could manage the larger mortgage until interest rates went up past 6%, then it would start looking tight. With the £50k mortgage I can overpay it as much as they'll let me and it'll be finished substantially sooner and I'll not have to worry about the payments unless it reaches an unheard of interest rate of 23.5% which is about as likely as a Kelly Brook giving me a naked massage. I think it's safe to say it's never going to happen!

I take it your MIL is not going to make any financial contribution towards your move/staying in the village/the exta £££ you will need for that?

My MIL struggled with her own mortgage recently, she got stung with an endowment mortgage and they refused to acknowledge mis-selling so she had to take out a loan to cover the gap, so she's in no position to help even if she wanted to. Even if she could she would then have to give my sis-in-law something too.

Ah well. It was just an idea no one else had suggested.

And it was appreciated. Thanks!

Also even if you could extend your house, I cant imagine that living on a building site with 2 toddlers and a 7 year old would be much fun.

Being a manager at a builders I know exactly what it would entail. We recently had a new laminate floor laid in the lounge and that was bad enough!

My eldest daughter and her family live 200 miles away from me. We use Skype a lot, and her little ones love it. Maybe treat mil to a laptop or iPad when you move!

She has a laptop, and my FIL bought an iPad a couple of months before he died so she has one of these too. If I could teach her how to use them it'd help. She's very technology shy. By very, I mean she hasn't worked out how to turn the iPad on yet....but that could be worked on!

Tamsin_Temrin

You could mention there are a better choice of care homes in town and easier for you to visit when she needs to move to one. Or that she moves to sheltered accommodation in town, 'just in case'.