Gambling problem, debts, suicide, affairs, marriage break up HELP

mydadhasagamblingproblem

I'm probably a bit niave but will take your suggestions on board and get mum to a solicitor asap.

I've called the doc and hes chasing him up and also called the main bookies they have said they will try to discourage him, they will ask him not to place any more bets but cannot force him. Shame wish they could bar him - wouldn't totally solve the problem but would massively help.

Laws definetly need to be improved re gambling - it can ruins lives

RAS

mydadhasagamblingproblem wrote: »

Gingernutty - mum has a fixed income and has never had any contribution from him so finances for her are ok, house is soley in her name and mortgage is small so that is safe.

Think bankruptcy may be coming for him, think unsecured debts stand at £50k as far as I know, that doesn't include all the £100's he owes every Tom, !!!!!! and Harry.

I think your mum needs to look up bankruptcy and Beneficial Interest.

Even if the house is in mum's name and he has never paid the mortgage, there is a risk that he has acquired a BI in the house.

Oddly, if there is no equity in the other house because it has been re-mortgaged, he may get to keep that one but your mum may have to re-mortgage to pay for the BI in the house in her name.

She needs to speak to someone urgently, possibly worth half an hour with an Insolvency Practitioner.

Pollycat

mydadhasagamblingproblem wrote: »

I'm probably a bit niave but will take your suggestions on board and get mum to a solicitor asap.

Some solicitors offer a free half hour consultation.

As your Mum has some pretty specific questions to ask, it might be enough to advise her of where she stands.

I don't think you're naive at all, I just think it's worth being 100% sure.

Good luck on all fronts.

amyloofoo

Judging by my debts I am not the best person to help on the finance side of things; however I felt I had to reach out to you as someone who's had similar experiences. My father hung himself following some seriously bad financial and personal choices (when I was very young). I never really understood his decision, until a few years ago when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and advised that this has a strong genetic component - meaning that it was very likely that my father had been affected by the same disability. Given that this is characterised by recklessness (particularly with money) and problems with personal relationships and fidelity, is it possible that your father could be affected by this? It might be a good idea to ask him to have an honest talk with a mental health practitioner as the behaviours he's demonstrating are self-destructive and destructive to his personal relationships and family. It could be that this could be his 'light bulb moment' and could hopefully stop him from continuing down this destructive path.

On a more positive note, there is definitely life after a bipolar diagnosis, and following many difficult and troubling times I am now on a treatment plan which has kept my illness reasonably well managed for the last year, am happily married, completing my degree and am returning to work. Yes, I have debts from the bad times (people with bipolar are notoriously reckless spenders), but these are being paid off and I now feel more in control than at any other time in my life. I'm closer to my husband and family than ever, and if it's possible for me, then it's possible for other Bipolar sufferers.

Sorry if you feel I've been too personal or have made assumptions about what might be motivating your father, but I couldn't stay silent when I saw words such as 'suicide' mentioned.

mydadhasagamblingproblem

Amy thanks for sharing your story, it sounds so familiar. I thought I had bipolar last year but since have be diagnosed with depression, anxiety & low self esteem - I am working through these problem with talking councelling and CBT. Having looked into Bipolar at the time I often wondered if thats what he had. If all sound svery like it. I have called our doctor who is going to try and track him down but the problem is he is not very good at going to the doctors - avoids it like the plague and when he does go he'll put on a front saying everything is ok. I feel having told the doctor everything ( gambling, debts, suicide threats, marital break up ) i have given him all the information he needs to do what he thinks is the best for dad, but it's getting dad to cooperate is the problem.

I am going to deliver my letter to him tomorrow, the bookies came back last night and said having reviewed it they can do absolutely nothing, saying his gambling is within what they would see as normal ( I mentioned a 500 bet on 1 horse and she said it was normal !!!) I guess money talks

Thanks again to everyone - every comment gives me something else to think about, it helps having people who have been through similar situations.

Tamsin_Temrin

Long marriage - regardless of whose name is on the deeds, dad is entitled to half of the equity in the house.

Suggest your mother gets divorce with clean break order asap. And goes after half the equity in the property hes hidden, half the business and half any pensions as a starter for bargainning. She may be able to salvage something, but she had better move quick. Anyone know about legal separation?

maypole

I would see a solicitor or Citizens advice.

Mojisola

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

Long marriage - regardless of whose name is on the deeds, dad is entitled to half of the equity in the house.

Suggest your mother gets divorce with clean break order asap. And goes after half the equity in the property hes hidden, half the business and half any pensions as a starter for bargainning. She may be able to salvage something, but she had better move quick. Anyone know about legal separation?

Wouldn't it be best to put off a divorce as long as possible? Doing it now would be like handing over half of the house on a plate.

What's he's got won't be worth anything if the OP's posts are right.

Tamsin_Temrin

Mojisola wrote: »

Wouldn't it be best to put off a divorce as long as possible? Doing it now would be like handing over half of the house on a plate.

What's he's got won't be worth anything if the OP's posts are right.

I'm no expert. My thoughts fwiw and to help OP see different point of view -
atm mum has got rid of leech, and can start building up savings, getting the house nice, getting sorted financially. If there is a clean break now then she can claim on any pension before he cashes it in, claim against the 'hidden' property before it is repossessed, claim against the business before it goes under (all as bargaining chips to keep the house - bet dad is in denial about state of play of any of this), and before he can claim against any savings mum can accumulate as he is no longer taking and any increase in value of house because mum has done it up nice for her etc. And before any bankruptcy is issued and the mums stuff is targeted by OR and/or credit agencies.

OP - sorry, it must be tough hearing outsiders talk about your dad like this. If it helps, try seeing him as an adult who has made some bad choices, unconnected with you. What he has done is his own responsibility, his problem, don't make it yours. Good luck!

Pollycat

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

I'm no expert. My thoughts fwiw and to help OP see different point of view -
atm mum has got rid of leech, and can start building up savings, getting the house nice, getting sorted financially. If there is a clean break now then she can claim on any pension before he cashes it in, claim against the 'hidden' property before it is repossessed, claim against the business before it goes under (all as bargaining chips to keep the house - bet dad is in denial about state of play of any of this), and before he can claim against any savings mum can accumulate as he is no longer taking and any increase in value of house because mum has done it up nice for her etc. And before any bankruptcy is issued and the mums stuff is targeted by OR and/or credit agencies.

I can sort-of see where you're coming from but surely the OP's Mum couldn't claim half of her husband's assets without relinquishing at least a portion of hers?

We don't know (and don't need to know) the value & equity in the OP's Mum's house and the OP's Dad's house but the Mum may be getting a poor deal.

I think the OP's Mum needs to clarify her legal position.