Picking partner over children

kacie

Is the son his son or his step son? I'm confused!

j.e.j.

Four_leaf_clover wrote: »

I agree with what you are saying to a degree j.e.j. I think the way a person is towards their child has less to do with gender and more to do with how they were raised. From my own experiences and watching friends and family members, people seem to parent in a similar way to how they were parented.

Men do have a very different approach to looking after kids to women, which I find quite refreshing.

Yes, that's true, perhaps someone is more likely to be influenced by their own experiences of being parented. I also find that men and women's ways of parenting compliment each other, rather than one way being better than the other.

Mind you, I don't think that applies to this guy, from what I've read so far :eek::rotfl:

@kacie I think it's his own son (by one of the other women..)

freshstart11

kacie wrote: »

Is the son his son or his step son? I'm confused!

his son, i was referring to him as my step son

freshstart11

Four_leaf_clover wrote: »

How old are the kids? One day they will tell him themselves exactly what they think of the way he treats them and the priorities he has. You are best staying well out of it and just being a part of the kids lives as a constant and someone they can rely on. Got a feeling they are going to need you alot.

boy and girl are 9 (5months between them) and youngest 8 old enough to understand what he is doing

freshstart11

j.e.j. wrote: »

Yes, that's true, perhaps someone is more likely to be influenced by their own experiences of being parented. I also find that men and women's ways of parenting compliment each other, rather than one way being better than the other.

Mind you, I don't think that applies to this guy, from what I've read so far :eek::rotfl:

@kacie I think it's his own son (by one of the other women..)

I would love to blame his parents, but his brothers and sisters (BIG family) all seem to be well adjusted people and amazing parents lol

Most men I know with kids are amazing dads, and on the same line I know women that have disowned their kids. Its not a dig at men, just parents who do this xx

duchy

I think if you had a rotten role model you can go one of two ways-You either go out of your way to do the exact opposite or you mess up through learned behaviour.

My ex desperately wanted to be a good Dad but over and over I see his father in him. The father just stopped turning up for access visits when he was 6 and despite knowing where he was made no effort to make contact even when his son married, had his grandchild etc. We finally heard from him when he claimed to have got shot completely unprovoked- and was in hospital with a police guard on the door....and wanted my husband to go see him and bring our six year old with him !!! Utterly selfish and completely messed up my husband emotionally. We seperated a while later and although not the only reason his reappearance and demands certainly contributed to my husband's instability and out of character behaviour.

lika_86

Not everyone thinks kids are the best things in the world, I would much rather spend time with someone I chose (ie. partner) and got something back from than something I happened to produce who I might love but not particularly like and who required me to only give (particularly if they are predominately shaped and raised by someone I no longer like, ie. ex). But each to their own.

freshstart11

lika_86 wrote: »

Not everyone thinks kids are the best things in the world, I would much rather spend time with someone I chose (ie. partner) and got something back from than something I happened to produce who I might love but not particularly like and who required me to only give (particularly if they are predominately shaped and raised by someone I no longer like, ie. ex). But each to their own.

Surely though, anyone who has the same view should have the common sense to not have kids in the first place?

lika_86

Sometimes they get pressured into it by their baby mad other halves!

freshstart11

lika_86 wrote: »

Sometimes they get pressured into it by their baby mad other halves!

with my ex I can assure you this isnt the case, he has more children than I mention but only had contact with the 3 youngest.


No one has to be pressured in to having a baby - if you don't want one, dont have unprotected sex - its quite simple!