Picking partner over children

freshstart11

This is a rant, I warn in advance, mostly so I do not have a go at him.


My ex husband has 3 kids, 2 girls & 1 boy (girls have 1 mum, my stepson another) He stopped all contact with his son a few months ago, as he picked his girlfriend at the time over him.

We split up slightly over a year ago, I have been in one relationship since, kids and their mums all love him (I still have access as get on very well with the mums) he has been in 8 from what I have heard from the girls & friends. He now is with a new gf who girls have met against mothers wishes early in relationship, she asked for them to be together 6 months. they say she is lovely and there is no issue with her as a person at all. Mum is within her rights in my eyes to ask him to not introduce kids before 6months so they do not keep having women in and out of lives.

He is now moving her in, and basically picked her over kids, they upset and have to me and mum that he always does it.


How can any parent do that to their child? It breaks my heart that they are so hurt - they were devastated when I left ex because they thought they wouldnt see me again.

Wish I could shake some sense into him, as we have spoken about his relationships and money and did at times get on very well, but its not my place and will just be accused of being jealous and wanting him back!

GRRRR :mad:

fluffnutter

So he does this pretty much every time he meets a new partner then? (You mention it twice in your post).

TBH, you're not responsible for any of these children and you're no longer with him. I'm just keep out of it. Sounds like you're well shot of him. He's obviously far too much of a child to be raising children himself.

January20

Yep, it's not your place and you can't do anything about it. Nobody can stop him from introducing random women to his children and nobody can force him to have a relationship with his children, or to put them before any partner, if he doesn't want to. Nobody can make him a decent father!

All you can do is comfort the children and be there for them.

fluffnutter

And I wonder if you were once one of these random women yourself, OP...?

freshstart11

fluffnutter wrote: »

So he does this pretty much every time he meets a new partner then? (You mention it twice in your post).

TBH, you're not responsible for any of these children and you're no longer with him. I'm just keep out of it. Sounds like you're well shot of him. He's obviously far too much of a child to be raising children himself.

Not everytime from what I heard (credit where credit due)

I know I am well shot - never been happier, but I still have the kids stay over etc. In fact I see his stepson - he wont even talk to him! And his ex wife (girls mum) speaks to me about the whole situation, and both consider me and my partner part of the family, so I do have a responsibility to them - I find that comment a little like you think I should not have any thing to do with them? (I apologise if read wrong)

I just simply do not understand how any parent could want to hurt a young child that much?

freshstart11

fluffnutter wrote: »

And I wonder if you were once one of these random women yourself, OP...?

NO actually I kept my distance for 6 months on MY terms EVEN though I had met them when me and my ex were just friends!

fluffnutter

freshstart11 wrote: »

Not everytime from what I heard (credit where credit due)

I know I am well shot - never been happier, but I still have the kids stay over etc. In fact I see his stepson - he wont even talk to him! And his ex wife (girls mum) speaks to me about the whole situation, and both consider me and my partner part of the family, so I do have a responsibility to them - I find that comment a little like you think I should not have any thing to do with them? (I apologise if read wrong)

I just simply do not understand how any parent could want to hurt a young child that much?

No, I don't think that and I think it's lovely that you're still a caring influence in these kids' lives. You divorce spouses, not kids.

Problem is... when you're still involved (and I completely understand why) you're then at the mercy of a frustrating man and his irresponsible behaviour. You can't really do much either - it's their mothers' places to talk to your ex about this. I'm just pointing out that it's not your responsibility - as you've identified yourself, if you do stand up for them your motives will be questioned and people might think you're jealous or whatever. The downside is, you're left on the sideline feeling angry and impotent.

January20

freshstart11 wrote: »

Not everytime from what I heard (credit where credit due)

I know I am well shot - never been happier, but I still have the kids stay over etc. In fact I see his stepson - he wont even talk to him! And his ex wife (girls mum) speaks to me about the whole situation, and both consider me and my partner part of the family, so I do have a responsibility to them - I find that comment a little like you think I should not have any thing to do with them? (I apologise if read wrong)

I just simply do not understand how any parent could want to hurt a young child that much?

I don't think it's because he wants to hurt a young child. It's because he is a stupid selfish git who doesn't realise he has responsibilities and he is not intelligent enough to think with anything but his nether regions (IYSWIM )

ETA: I think it's great that YOU still see his kids!

freshstart11

fluffnutter wrote: »

No, I don't think that and I think it's lovely that you're still a caring influence in these kids' lives. You divorce spouses, not kids.

Problem is... when you're still involved (and I completely understand why) you're then at the mercy of a frustrating man and his irresponsible behaviour. You can't really do much either - it's their mothers' places to talk to your ex about this. The downside is, you're left on the sideline feeling angry and impotent.

Thanks, glad I added the sorry

They feel the same as I do cos he wont listen to them, in fact his sons mum stopped trying and DSS is better for being away from him (STBEH wasnt in DSS life until he was around 7) I always said for everything he did to me he was a good dad and its awful seeing this happen.

I have spoken to him about something else since this kicked off - and kept my mouth shut.

He is sort of dad that gives men a bad reputation

fluffnutter

Sounds like he gets swept up in the moment too. He's had quite a few girlfriends, and is happy to 'forget' his kids whenever a new one comes along. Then he gets a bit bored or for some reason the relationship falters and he's on to the next one. Sounds a bit emotionally immature, like he loves the first romantic part of a new relationship and allows it to take over his life.

freshstart11

January20 wrote: »

I don't think it's because he wants to hurt a young child. It's because he is a stupid selfish git who doesn't realise he has responsibilities and he is not intelligent enough to think with anything but his nether regions (IYSWIM )

ETA: I think it's great that YOU still see his kids!

Thanks - the kids are my total world, love them like they were my own - just amazing all of them

LOL he thought with his nether regions about 8 times before I left him (2 after married ....) so shouldnt be too surprised I guess