Am I right or wrong - opinions please!

Red_Cat

Definitely not a women's only job.

My wife and I share this chore and I won't let her iron my shirts. Not because she can't, but I admit I am fussy about shirts, so I just do my own.

Stan_Here

The discussion is centred around domestic chores, but there is more than this to be considered. The "traditional" model of the wife doing all cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing has long gone, but it seems to still be a bone of contention. I know that even when men do some of this work they rarely do half of it.
However, what about the "traditional" mens jobs? Cutting grass has been mentioned, but what about gardening, exterior property cleaning and maintenance, vehicle cleaning and maintenance, decorating etc. Who would clean out blocked drains and other dirty jobs?
I know that many women do a lot of these "traditional" mens jobs and to be honest, in a partnership both parties should be pulling their weight across all of the work to be done, with some jobs being preferred to others and a natural balance of skills or preferences will take place.
In your case, ironing seems to be the issue, but consider the other aspects of the overall work that is done by you both and think about whether the balance is fair. Is the ironing, which you dont like, offset by him doing something he doesnt like. Only you will know the overall balance of each of your contributions.
On the pessimistic side, if he doesnt do any of the traditional male jobs or pull his weight, then tell him that he will have to learn to iron, or get an ironing service in which he can pay for.
You dont seem to think this is a major life issue, so consider life in the round, and maybe offer to iron if he takes on something else you currently do but dont much like.

Catmom

pmlindyloo wrote: »

OK so you both work full time and you particularly work quite long hours. He comes home earlier and pulls his weight by doing the cooking.

He plays cricket every weekend and what do you do while he's out?

Are you doing your 'thing' too or, as I suspect, are you often doing 'house things'?

There is a very simple solution to this.

You have both had 30 years of bring up kids, working, cleaning etc etc.

Give yourselves a break and get a cleaner who will clean the house and do the ironing.

Do you know someone who will spend a couple of hours cleaning and an hour ironing every week? Someone who you trust and would be willing to give a key to while you're both at work?

If you both work full time and can afford it then go for it. OK, you might find yourself tidying up the day before (!!!!) but trust me, it's lovely knowing you haven't got to do the hosuework/ironing when you come home/at the weekend.

Have you been peeping

Yes, I often find myself spending my spare time doing "housey" things. I have to work some Saturdays, for which I get a full day off in the week, and this is often a good "cleaning" day. As for doing my own thing, I dont really have one - I'm happy playing with the cats, reading or being on the Lappy.
And a few years ago, my Mum would pop in a couple of hours a week to do some cleaning, and I always made sure that I tidied up the night before she was due......

Thanks to everyone for their input on this, I definitely overthink things its one of my weaknesses, and I certainly dont want anyone to think Im a Drama Llama Queen :rotfl: It just helps to get another perspective sometimes. He's a good bloke, and I'm really proud that we've stayed together despite all the obstacles we've had to overcome

HeatherintheHills

No, it isn't a wife's place. A couple sort out who does what between them.

He is all grown up now and is allowed to use the big scary iron all by himself.

Don't let this be an issue, as suggested earlier, get someone in to do the cleaning/ironing or start buying him non iron clothes.

no-oneknowsme

I work part time (afternoons) and my Hubby works full time usually 7/8am until 5pm.

Because of this and as I am in the house most mornings I tend to do most of the household chores. I dont mind doing this as I am at home and would hate to leave the housework until later in the day just to get help from him when he gets home.

However , on his day off I DO expect some help from him around the house.

I dont believe in your job/my job. If it needs done in OUR house then Hubby will help.

When our children were smaller and the ironing pile never seemed to go down no matter how long I ironed for , it wasnt uncommon for both myself and Hubby to set aside one night during the week were both of us would put an ironing board up EACH and we would tackle the ironing together!

This however was helped by the fact that my parents lied next door and we could nab their iron and ironing board for a few hours lol.

I think if something needs done around the home it shouldnt be left to one person in the couple to do it.

Gigglepig

I'd just have a discussion with him and see which option suits the two of you best, for example -


1) you continue with the ironing, he pulls his weight in other ways
2) you would like a more even distribution of the house work, and ask him to take over the ironing from now
3) you already have a fair distribution of the house work, but after 30 years you are now sick of ironing, and swap him for another chore
4) you both don't want to iron and decide not to bother. Creased shirts won't kill anyone
5) you both don't want to iron and from now on pay someone else to do it

:-)

Sambucus_Nigra

pmlindyloo wrote: »

you might find yourself tidying up the day before (!!!!)

So you should - a cleaner is there to clean - not to tidy up!

We have a cleaner and for the money, it means we get to do more of the stuff we like doing when we aren't working.

Moominmamma

I'm a SAHM and my dh works pretty long hours in a stressful job... But he still irons his own shirts I did try to do the ironing when he was poorly a couple of years ago but he was spectacularly unimpressed!!

Mojisola

Who would iron his shirts if he lived alone?

If you're doing the bulk of the work necessary to keep the house functioning, it's time to reassess things. Housework is one of those jobs that only shows up when you don't do it so he may not even realise how much work you're doing while he's out having fun.

Now it's come to the fore, it will breed resentment if you don't deal with it.

balletshoes

Catmom wrote: »

Afternoon all, I'm having a bit of a chunter, and wondered if I could ask you what your opinions are.
Bit about me, married at 16, 2 kids in 14 months, married 30 years this year :beer: Life has obviously had its ups and downs, but we've toughed it out, worked hard and brought up 2 great kids. We have 4 cats, and apart from feeding them, which Hubs happily does, I do all the other animal-related stuff (litter trays, grooming, meds etc).

On the whole, things are good. We both work full time, enjoy regular nights out, and cant really grumble about much. BUT. I have a bone of contention. Hubs and I work roughly the same hours. He works 5 mins away and drives. Leaves home at 6.50 and gets home at 16.05. I dont drive, work 8 miles away, leave the house at 7.45 and get home at approx 18.20 depending on the bus and rush hour traffic :mad: Due to this, Hubs does most of the cooking, and very good at it he is too. Not a problem. I would say I do the majority of the cleaning, although he would probably disagree, as he does shove the vacuum cleaner round every now and then. HOWEVER. He will not iron his clothes. He seems to actually believe that I should do it automatically. The majority of the ironing generated in the house is his, I tend to wear a lot of stuff that doesnt require ironing, luckily. He's just gone out for the day( he plays cricket every weekend), and he's taken a change of clothes for after the match when he will stay and have a drink with "The Lads". When I mentioned to him that the shirt he was taking with him was un-ironed and all creased, he turned round and said "well no-one has done my ironing for me"!!!! Cue me having a bit of a strop, pointing out that we have the same number of hands, and that being born a female doesnt mean I have an inbuilt desire to do all things domesticated:D

But now Im wondering. Am I wrong? IS it a wifes' place to do all that stuff? And yes, I know its his choice to go out looking like he's slept in his clothes, but I have this inbuilt feeling that it reflects badly on me as a wife - how could I let him go out looking like that, etc.

Sorry this has become long-winded but if anyone is still reading
I'd be very interested to hear what you think.

no, you're not wrong - its not a wife's "place" to do all that stuff, unless you've made it your place (which I guess you have after 30 years of doing it?). And no, it doesn't reflect badly on you as a wife that your husband will go out of the house in an un-ironed shirt for goodness sake!

Look, if you no longer want to do it, just tell him you don't want to do it anymore, maybe iron whats un-ironed right now, and then leave it up to him (offer to show him how if he comes out with "but I've never done it, I don't know how to"). No need to make a big deal out of it.