Am I right or wrong - opinions please!

Catmom

Afternoon all, I'm having a bit of a chunter, and wondered if I could ask you what your opinions are.
Bit about me, married at 16, 2 kids in 14 months, married 30 years this year :beer: Life has obviously had its ups and downs, but we've toughed it out, worked hard and brought up 2 great kids. We have 4 cats, and apart from feeding them, which Hubs happily does, I do all the other animal-related stuff (litter trays, grooming, meds etc).

On the whole, things are good. We both work full time, enjoy regular nights out, and cant really grumble about much. BUT. I have a bone of contention. Hubs and I work roughly the same hours. He works 5 mins away and drives. Leaves home at 6.50 and gets home at 16.05. I dont drive, work 8 miles away, leave the house at 7.45 and get home at approx 18.20 depending on the bus and rush hour traffic :mad: Due to this, Hubs does most of the cooking, and very good at it he is too. Not a problem. I would say I do the majority of the cleaning, although he would probably disagree, as he does shove the vacuum cleaner round every now and then. HOWEVER. He will not iron his clothes. He seems to actually believe that I should do it automatically. The majority of the ironing generated in the house is his, I tend to wear a lot of stuff that doesnt require ironing, luckily. He's just gone out for the day( he plays cricket every weekend), and he's taken a change of clothes for after the match when he will stay and have a drink with "The Lads". When I mentioned to him that the shirt he was taking with him was un-ironed and all creased, he turned round and said "well no-one has done my ironing for me"!!!! Cue me having a bit of a strop, pointing out that we have the same number of hands, and that being born a female doesnt mean I have an inbuilt desire to do all things domesticated:D
But now Im wondering. Am I wrong? IS it a wifes' place to do all that stuff? And yes, I know its his choice to go out looking like he's slept in his clothes, but I have this inbuilt feeling that it reflects badly on me as a wife - how could I let him go out looking like that, etc.

Sorry this has become long-winded but if anyone is still reading
I'd be very interested to hear what you think.

Marisco

I don't think it's the womans' job to do it, but I can't understand after 30 years of being together, why this was not mentioned before?? If you've being doing it for 30 years without complaint, no wonder he thinks it's your job to do it. TBH I think it's a bit of whinge about nowt, as he seems to "pull his weight" in other ways, many don't even do that!!

RainbowDreamer

I think it is down to both of you to iron. Whether you take it in turns or do your own. Unless of course you LOVE ironing lol.
If you were to take on all the ironing, then maybe he could take on the all of something else? I do not see it now as a womens role to do all the cleaning and ironing etc. Unless of course the fella is out working full time and the women is at home all day. Though if looking after young children that is obviously different to.

Sambucus_Nigra

Aah, the ironing fairy.

We have a pretty much equal role share - whoever cooks doesn't do the washing up, and I do the washing whilst he does the ironing [as I rarely iron anything].

I'd say if you feel that you do the lion's share anyway - let him iron his own clothes. If you feel that he does the most, then suck up and do it.

There are worse things to be arguing about. You have lasted 30 years; so you must be doing something right.

picnmix

I do all the ironing in our house, my DH does his bit as far as housework is concerned, but the ironing is not something that he does, he isn't any good at it, and hates it, I quite enjoy it, so it has never been an issue. I hate cutitng grass, that type of thing, so falls to DH to take charge. Its all about swings and roundabouts.

As far as your question goes, no it isn't a wifes place to do those types of things, if my hubby wanted to wear something that wasn't ironed, he would get out the iron and do his best.

I think your overthinking this, if you have been married for 30 years, has the "ironing" ever been an issue before, or was it just today? Who normally irons his stuff if he doesn't do it?

Catmom

Thanks for the reply. It has been mentioned, many many times, and whilst I will often do it, I always make sure he knows that I don't think its something I "have" to do, and he always makes a point of letting me know that he thinks it is....... You're right, its very insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and its certainly not going to cause a problem, I just wondered what other peoples' thoughts were on the subject. And yes, he "pulls his weight", compared to one friend I have he seems like Domestic God (but dont tell him that lol!!)

caeler

My ex left me because I refused to iron his shirts. Ho ho ho! Okay there was more to it than that, but I loath ironing, always have so I don't buy any clothes that require ironing and I refuse to do anybody elses!

duchy

I don't think it's "a woman's job" but if you've done it for thirty years and are only now mentioning it poor bloke is probably a bit confused

Maybe when the kids had school uniform you did his in with theirs but now you don't have to you want to change things. That's fine just sit down and have a redistribution of labour discussion but if you've always done it -unless he's a very good mindreader he's not going to know you want him to do his own. Creatures of habit men after all

When I remarried \I told my ex I don't do shirts (not strictly true when I was at SAHM I did them but as soon as I went back to work he went back to doing them) . He might have preferred me to do them but he never considered it the woman's job. (I'm about the same age as you btw so it's not an age thing)

DVardysShadow

Your problem is this, I think:

Catmom wrote: »

.... He's just gone out for the day( he plays cricket every weekend), and he's taken a change of clothes for after the match when he will stay and have a drink with "The Lads". When I mentioned to him that the shirt he was taking with him was un-ironed and all creased, he turned round and said "well no-one has done my ironing for me"!!!! Cue me having a bit of a strop, pointing out that we have the same number of hands, and that being born a female doesnt mean I have an inbuilt desire to do all things domesticated:D
But now Im wondering.

He was probably just about happy to go out with creased stuff. What you told him probably came across as an indication that you expect him to go out with his stuff ironed.

pmlindyloo

OK so you both work full time and you particularly work quite long hours. He comes home earlier and pulls his weight by doing the cooking.

He plays cricket every weekend and what do you do while he's out?

Are you doing your 'thing' too or, as I suspect, are you often doing 'house things'?

There is a very simple solution to this.

You have both had 30 years of bring up kids, working, cleaning etc etc.

Give yourselves a break and get a cleaner who will clean the house and do the ironing.

Do you know someone who will spend a couple of hours cleaning and an hour ironing every week? Someone who you trust and would be willing to give a key to while you're both at work?

If you both work full time and can afford it then go for it. OK, you might find yourself tidying up the day before (!!!!) but trust me, it's lovely knowing you haven't got to do the hosuework/ironing when you come home/at the weekend.

Slinky_Malinky

I would buy him non iron shirts to solve the issue...

http://www.marksandspencer.com/gp/search?field-keywords=non+iron+shirts+for+men&viewID=results&intid=gnav_search&node=42966030#ie=UTF8&node=42966030&useParentAsinsInResult=false&keywords=non%20iron%20shirts%20for%20men&forceNoKeyword=false&size=60&pf_rd_r=0EADQQWM97MNK364DKRS&pf_rd_m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&pf_rd_t=301&pf_rd_i=0&pf_rd_p=215485807&pf_rd_s=center-3