Real life MMD: Should we tell relatives "we're not a free hotel"?

edited 1 May 2012 at 6:16PM in Money Saving Polls
87 replies 20.3K views


  • I agree with most if not all others have said so far so I won't repeat the ideas, but here's one I haven't read yet- tell them you're so sorry but you are going away on holiday, need a break from 'the house' etc! Maybe it will dawn on them....Of course, use the caller ID to avoid accidentally answering them if they test it...
  • These people are not only spongers, they are extremely rude inviting themselves into your home for a free holiday. If you feel you are unable to tell them that the free ride is over, invent excuses, don't answer the phone, be away. Either do that or tell them that you are now operating as a Guest House and charge them the full commercial rate.
  • Learning_CurveLearning_Curve Forumite
    52 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Presumably they rang to ask if they could visit you, and didn't just turn up on your doorstep? When they rang, presumably they stated how long they wished to come for? If they left it open-ended, in future you should ask how long they were thinking of and if it's more than a few days state that this amount isn't possible.

    If you've been waiting on them hand and foot, of course all visiting adults have been abusing your hospitality and should have offered to help at least with washing up, and cleaning up after themselves e.g. washing the bath out etc. No wonder so many relatives are visiting you, not only do they get access to beach and a change of scenery, it's for two whole weeks and is totally free and without effort for them!

    Next time they phone, also say to them how long is OK for them to visit (or that it's inconvenient this time if you don't want them) and state that due to the pinch everyone is feeling you have to insist on contributions financially. Also, when people visit, say "it's lovely to have you of course, but I do need to ask that you give me a hand with things because it's taken its toll on me having to be the hostess doing it all in the past".

    I can't believe there are people rude enough out there to take such bad advantage of you like that. They say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. Having said that, you have brought a lot of it on yourself by allowing to happen, and they will have presumed you didn't mind.
  • JayDJayD Forumite
    610 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    I get very upset about self invited visitors who seem totally oblivious to the huge amount of work and expense they create.

    These people are not just costing you money and causing you a lot of work - they are also encoraching on your own valuable time, which is the most precious thing any of us have.

    I feel very strongly that you should rebuff the self-inviting !!!!!!!!!!s with very firm refusals. Explanations should not be necessary. This is your home and your time - stating that their visit would be inconvenient should be enough. However, if pressed further, I would have no problem whatsoever explaining that our home is exactly that and as such is a place where your family choose to relax and spend time together without the stress and expensive of an endless stream of visitors.

    I don't suppose for one minute you would consider landing yourselves on their doorstep and let them experience just how much effort and stress (and cost) having visitors entails?
  • Seems to me that your relatives are just a bunch of !!!!!!!!!!s that need a kick up the backside. I don't know where they live but maybe you should visit them and stay for 2 weeks not paying for anything. Hopefully they live near some entertaining places.
  • jbtapscottjbtapscott Forumite
    8 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    MoneySaving Newbie
    We live in Greece and get family visiting throughout the summer but, with the exception of our children, everybody contributes - indeed, my sister in law insists on a "kitty" approach from the moment she steps off the plane. We put in a given amount per head and all groceries, etc., as well as meals / drinks out come out of that, with top-ups of the kitty continuing throughout the holiday as needed. Others insist on paying for a meal when out and / or buying bottle of wine for the house, etc.
  • Id tell them to get lost! Get away and stay away I notice somebody said they'd tell them they were decorating or the phone was out of order...WHY LIE?! Just tell em to go away and stay away. I dont like scroungers and spongers and I wouldn't want my relatives staying with me. Man up and tell em the truth You don't want em there !!
  • silverswansilverswan Forumite
    34 Posts
    I've been there, and thought I had to be the perfect generous hostess......hovering around the kitchen waiting for 2 different couples to appear for breakfast. That varied between 8.30 and 11.30 and all had fried breakfasts. Yes I know...more fool me! Then I thought sod this, and told them to get their own. I pointed out that there's always tea, coffee and bread for toast. Next time they wanted to come, I said ok for a few days but bear in mind it's YOUR holiday; we're having OURS later in the year and are trying to save for it. I also said it's probably better if you do your own thing as we know the area and you can go off and explore and we'll see you later. That seemed to work and more often than not they'd had a snack when they were out ( so had we!) so the evening meal was salad based with not a lot spent on it. They must've felt sorry for us as they bought us 2 meals in 6 days.
    For some reason they're not so eager to come for any length of time. Thank goodness:j
  • exarmydreamerexarmydreamer Forumite
    603 Posts
    When they call to say they are coming, tell them it is not a good time as you are going away on holiday and have done a holiday house swap with another family, as holiday's are expensive..........
    Mortgage: Aug 12 £114,984.74 - Jun 14 £94000.00 = Total Payments £20984.74

    Albert Einstein - “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it ... he who doesn't ... pays it.”
  • smokey_davesmokey_dave Forumite
    85 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I lived in the Channel Islands for 25 years and moved here to the south coast of England 21 years ago.
    We have always had loads of people coming to stay with us but now that I am old I have had enough of it.
    My wife still wants them to come so I will have to put up with it for a bit longer.
    I refuse to go out with them all the time.
    My advice is that if you live somewhere not very nice -stay there- and then no one will ever come near you.
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