Real life MMD: Should we tell relatives "we're not a free hotel"?

edited 1 May 2012 at 6:16PM in Money Saving Polls
87 replies 20.3K views
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Replies

  • Stan_HereStan_Here Forumite
    56 Posts
    Difficult situation if they are close family.
    I'd be inclined to say that the recession is having an impact on your finances and whilst you are happy for them to come and stay they must fully support themselves on a self catering basis - both buying their own food, cooking it and washing up after themselves.
    Tell them that as they are only one of a number of people in the family who come and stay you just cannot any longer support their holiday costs like this and that you cannot devote the time to look after them as if they were at a hotel as it takes a lot of time and effort throughout the year and it is exhausting you.
    Finally, tell them them that the additional costs that you have borne in the past for gas/electric etc for washing up, washing clothes, showers etc now need to be contributed towards as this comes to a significant amount with the many visitors that you have.
    You are, after all, providing free holiday accommodation and this should be greatly appreciated, and if they stayed at home they would have to feed themselves and look after themselves and bear their own power costs, so any contribution they give you is only what they would spend at home.
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Stan_Here wrote: »
    You are, after all, providing free holiday accommodation and this should be greatly appreciated, and if they stayed at home they would have to feed themselves and look after themselves and bear their own power costs, so any contribution they give you is only what they would spend at home.

    If they have been coming to you and not offering to do their share of the chores and either buying shopping or leaving you money for the utilities, I wouldn't think much of them! It's very rude of them to have taken advantage of you like this.

    When faced with contributing something, you may find they're not so keen to visit.
  • Bit of a non-dilemma this really. They should really pay their way and help out, not necessarily in the form of a cash payment similar to a B&B but more so stuff that they can fund a bit more conveniently like picking up the tab after meals out or doing the washing up or cooking some nights.

    Most people should appreciate the value of what they are getting. A suggestion that you would maybe like them to put a bit more towards things like the above could solve most of the problem without causing a huge amount of offence or prove once and for all that they are indeed cheapskates. It's a little hypocritical to expect a payment, if this is something you require perhaps you should set up as a B&B.

    Is there perhaps a slight oversight here in that you don't go and see them with the same regularity? Perhaps they might be a bit fed up about always being the ones who go to you rather than vice versa and maybe they are just waiting for the opportunity to treat you to the same level of hospitality at their place?
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    It's a little hypocritical to expect a payment, if this is something you require perhaps you should set up as a B&B.

    I don't see why it's hypocritical to ask for a contribution to household expenses when someone has repeatedly come to stay for a week or a fortnight and used food and utilities.

    If they had stayed at home, they would have had to pay out on these expenses.

    They haven't just had somewhere to sleep for free, they would have actually saved money while they were on holiday by living off the OP!
  • grannygillgrannygill Forumite
    4 Posts
    Know the feeling only to well!
    It's awful isn't it! Not only are you expected to run a FREE B&B the majority think it's up to you to entertain them and baby sit - ALL for nothing! For the first couple of years I tried my best to put up with it. Then I started NOT providing the food - I even said I was going away but that didn't work as they thought they could "just collect the key"
    Then I decided to just tell them NO!!! & if I never see them again - so be it
    Now when informed that "We thought we'd pop down for a few days" I ask - "Where are you staying? You cannot stay here as we've decided that we cannot offer FREE bed and board to anyone ANY MORE as we cannot afford it. If you are visiting for the day, great, but if you intend to have a holiday in this area I'll give you a list of B&B's or Holiday Parks & we will visit you!"
    The ONLY exceptions are our children & grandchildren + my sister & 1 of my 5 brothers!!
    A LOT of people - relatives and so called friends do not visit any more - their loss
    I'm not a charity & I moved here for a quite life!!
    JUST tell 'em - GOOD LUCK
  • AldahbraAldahbra Forumite
    317 Posts
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    I think you should be honest and up front.

    You'd love to see them, you enjoy having them to stay but you can't afford it.
    "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
    ~ Napoleon Bonaparte
    Weight loss challenge:j: week 1 :(
    target 8lbs in 4 weeks
    Grocery Challenge June: £100/£500
    left to spend £400
    Declutter June: 0/100
    NSD 6 June/6 July: 0/2
  • EdwardiaEdwardia Forumite
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    I'd tell them I was moving
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