Guest list - are you 'over-inviting'?

Torry_Quine

Skintski wrote: »

The partners thing phases me too. I have 9 work colleagues who I want to invite to our evening do. I am friends with one of their other halves and another I have met albeit briefly.

I would only want to invite the partner who I am friends with, so considering all the other 8 will know each other, is it considered ok not to invite their partners? I'd rather spend the cash on other things than on people I don't know and budget is a massive factor for us. The room we have booked for the evening can hold 180, we are only looking to invite 110 maximum due to feeding costs.

It could potentially be awkward only inviting one partner. Your other colleagues may not understand why their partner wasn't included too.

KK22_2

One thing that i have heard of other people doing, is sending out their invitations in two different stages. That way once the RSVPs start coming back, if you know of 5 "no's" then you are able to bump up the numbers on the second lot of invites that you send out.

katie1812

I wouldn't over invite, just incase they all come back and say yes we can come! £2000 is a lot for 10 people and with a wedding every penny matters!

People say telling them the date before helps - we sent save the date cards out about 15 months before our wedding, and our ceremony is for family only. We have had 6 people decline. Admittedly they were bottom of the list for who we actually wanted to come (very very extended family!) and evening invites, so far we have had one decline on that. That is with people knowing the date so don't think that is always true.

As for plus ones, this is where I have found it tricky. For the day we have invited all plus ones (except one), including one of my cousins who we haven't met as been together quite a while and her sister is bringing her boyfriend. The one we haven't is my mum's cousin's daughter's, whatever that makes him to me.. lol, but they haven't RSVP'd yet so hey, who knows lol!

I would go with less to start with so you can add more on in the end, and go for plus ones who you've met or are 'part of the family.'

savageHK

Torry_Quine wrote: »

When we married we invited everyone that we wanted to the wedding. A couple couldn't make it as they were doing something else but we didn't then contact someone to ask if they wanted to come to the whole thing instead of the evening as it's then obvious they are second choice and I know i wouldn't like it.

Errr... as they started out as evening only, surely they know already they are 2nd choice? At least an 'upgrade' means they're upper 2nd class

74jax

At my work, In my building there's only me and four others. I am only inviting two of them to the wedding and I don't think I've ever once felt I've 'had' to invite the two I'm not.

Sorry I don't just mean I'm not inviting plus 1s, that's also for husbands etc too. If I don't know them then unfortunately they are not invited.

Everyone will know someone. I was invited to a wedding just me, and I struggled with declining but I only knew the bride and as much as I consider myself outgoing I didn't want to go knowing no one. So I declined, I didn't feel pressured to go and understood the reasons my invite was just for me.

Remember these are your friends, people you speak to all the time. It's not just an invite out of the blue.

Skintski

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It could potentially be awkward only inviting one partner. Your other colleagues may not understand why their partner wasn't included too.

I just don't see why I have to invite 8 people I don't know all because I want 1 person that I do know to come. The one colleague and her husband are people I socialise with outside work, the rest I do not.

74jax

Skintski wrote: »

I just don't see why I have to invite 8 people I don't know all because I want 1 person that I do know to come. The one colleague and her husband are people I socialise with outside work, the rest I do not.

I'm with you on this and I wouldn't invite them.

Torry_Quine

savagehoutkop wrote: »

Errr... as they started out as evening only, surely they know already they are 2nd choice? At least an 'upgrade' means they're upper 2nd class

I see what you're saying but in my experience the people that you invite to the evening reception aren't the people you would have at the whole day. They aren't second choice but those who you have a less close relationship with. By contacting them and saying we now have space you know that you're only filling the numbers.

That's not set in stone and I really don't want to upset anyone as we're all different.

Torry_Quine

Skintski wrote: »

I just don't see why I have to invite 8 people I don't know all because I want 1 person that I do know to come. The one colleague and her husband are people I socialise with outside work, the rest I do not.

Totally agree. You invite exactly who you want to, I was only pointing out the potential problem. When I married I put out one invitation to my work colleagues and their partners , the exception being an individual one to my now husband's 2nd cousin, it was then entirely up to them who came and who didn't.

Hollie84

We only have a very small day count,we have kept it very small to only very close friends and family so there is 40 of us including a few children.Id invite only who we wanted there so stick to the 80.the evening we have done plus ones which hasnt been a problem,we knew not everyone could make it so it left room for the plus ones.its worked out really well for us TBH.I had my old boss (havent worked for him for 2 yrs,but did work for him for 8) saying to my sister i hope i get an invite?? well he wasnt invited,i dont hear from him and dont recieve a xmas card from him anymore so dont see the point in inviting people who we barely have contact with.I just think you should invite the people who u want,not people u speak to once in a blue moon,its not being mean or tight its being practical.