Guest list - are you 'over-inviting'?

74jax

daisiegg wrote: »

OH reckons we should just invite all 90 as he thinks 10-15% of them will end up not coming.


What would you do? Would you send out 90 and hope to end up with around 80 actually coming, or cut 10 out of the day list?

Thanks!

I would invite who I want at the day to the day and who I want at the evening to the evening.

If I want the full 90 at the day, I would 'grade' them. Top 80 get a day invite. As and when declines come in I would upgrade the 10 evening guests to the day time.

daisiegg wrote: »

Oh also, what are you doing about plus ones?

I'm inviting my friends to the wedding. If Mrs x at work has hubby (mr x) who I know and is a friend then they both get an invite. If Mr x couldn't pick me out of a line up of 3, he doesn't get an invite.

Idiophreak

lazer wrote: »

I'm still undecided what to do about plus ones - part of me really wants to not invite the now husbands of the friends that didn't invite my fiance (We've been together about 8 years), but thats just the spiteful part of me, i wouldn't really do it

We had the same thing...trust me, it feels *delicious* top step up and be "the bigger man"

Torry_Quine wrote: »

it's then obvious they are second choice and I know i wouldn't like it.

Really? Personally, I hate the idea of day guests and evening guests anyway - but I understand why people do it and don't have any hard feelings if they invite me just to the evening. If we got upgraded to the whole day, I'd feel great about it. Yes, it's obvious that you're a second choice full-dayer, but it's also obvious you only just missed the cut

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

Really? Personally, I hate the idea of day guests and evening guests anyway - but I understand why people do it and don't have any hard feelings if they invite me just to the evening. If we got upgraded to the whole day, I'd feel great about it. Yes, it's obvious that you're a second choice full-dayer, but it's also obvious you only just missed the cut

We invited work colleagues, neighbours and friends who wouldn't be invited to the whole wedding. If we hadn't had an evening reception then they wouldn't have come to celebrate our wedding. I've been invited to lots of evening receptions where I would never have been invited to the whole wedding as it was someone I didn't have a very close relationship with.

74jax

Torry_Quine wrote: »

We invited work colleagues, neighbours and friends who wouldn't be invited to the whole wedding. If we hadn't had an evening reception then they wouldn't have come to celebrate our wedding. I've been invited to lots of evening receptions where I would never have been invited to the whole wedding as it was someone I didn't have a very close relationship with.

I think most people have a good idea of who they want there to see them take their vows. I think this is what the OP was saying (trying to get it back on topic). There's 90 people she wants to see her actually get married, but only 80 spaces.

In an ideal world she would invite the 90, but due to costs she can't. So was asking the best way round it.

If I was 'bumped' up I wouldn't mind at all and be very grateful I was next on the list.

I would also go to a wedding without my OH, especially if the bride and groom had never met him, as long as there was people I knew there I wouldn't mind. I won't be inviting people I don't know, so if that means no +1s then so be it.

wanchai_2

We're not having evening guests either. It's all or nothing.

Torry_Quine

74jax wrote: »

I think most people have a good idea of who they want there to see them take their vows. I think this is what the OP was saying (trying to get it back on topic). There's 90 people she wants to see her actually get married, but only 80 spaces.

In an ideal world she would invite the 90, but due to costs she can't. So was asking the best way round it.

If I was 'bumped' up I wouldn't mind at all and be very grateful I was next on the list.

I would also go to a wedding without my OH, especially if the bride and groom had never met him, as long as there was people I knew there I wouldn't mind. I won't be inviting people I don't know, so if that means no +1s then so be it.

I get what you're saying but I personally would have a different venue rather than miss people from being invited.

As I said I would never go to a wedding without my husband or he without me. Apart from anything it seems strange to only invite one half of a couple when it's a wedding! To me that's not the same as +1 which is letting someone single take a friend with them.

daisiegg

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I get what you're saying but I personally would have a different venue rather than miss people from being invited.

So would I, if the venue I'd chosen meant I couldn't invite my family and closest friends.

It's more because of having the minimum number of 80 we will be inviting people to the full day that we would of course love to have there, but which in a smaller venue we would just have invited to the evening and everyone involved would have been fine with that. But inviting these people has made it necessary to invite others (i.e. inviting partners, or inviting one work friend means inviting the rest etc) so it's difficult to get it to a perfect 80 and it has ended up being 90, which is really beyond what we want to pay.

I hope that makes a bit more sense!

Torry_Quine wrote: »

As I said I would never go to a wedding without my husband or he without me. Apart from anything it seems strange to only invite one half of a couple when it's a wedding! To me that's not the same as +1 which is letting someone single take a friend with them.

I think it's more strange to have loads of people you've never met at your wedding just because they happen to be in a relationship with people you have met.

Torry_Quine

daisiegg wrote: »

So would I, if the venue I'd chosen meant I couldn't invite my family and closest friends.

It's more because of having the minimum number of 80, we have invited people that we would of course love to have there, but which in a smaller venue we would just have invited to the evening and everyone involved would have been fine with that - but inviting these people has made it necessary to invite others (i.e. inviting partners, or inviting one work friend means inviting the rest etc) so it's difficult to get it to a perfect 80 and it has ended up being 90, which is really beyond what we want to pay.

I hope that makes a bit more sense!



I think it's more strange to have loads of people you've never met at your wedding just because they happen to be in a relationship with people you have met.

You explained it beautifully there. That has given you a dilemma I can see that.

It's possibly due in part to the fact that I'm painfully shy.

zcrat41

We invited the exacty number we could afford and fit in the church (the latter being the real defining point.) As a few people declined I then sent out other invites (we only had day invites, no evening. I believe that the ceremony is the most important bit.) I did ring those one or two friends and said something to the effect of "the church and marquee only held 120 and we have massive families that we had to invite first, but the great news is, Great Aunt Betty has dropped out with Uncle albert and I would far rather you took their place". Every single "upgrade" understood and seemed happy to come!

Skintski

The partners thing phases me too. I have 9 work colleagues who I want to invite to our evening do. I am friends with one of their other halves and another I have met albeit briefly.

I would only want to invite the partner who I am friends with, so considering all the other 8 will know each other, is it considered ok not to invite their partners? I'd rather spend the cash on other things than on people I don't know and budget is a massive factor for us. The room we have booked for the evening can hold 180, we are only looking to invite 110 maximum due to feeding costs.