I don't have any problems and I'm bored

jetplane

We all have regrets and I'm sure you beat yourself up more in your own head than you need to. Your daughter feels relaxed enough to have a friend stay over so you can't be that bad. If you are a steady kind of person and not a risk taker then this relationship has probably knocked you out of kilter for a while. Also if you have been half of a couple for half of your life then living on your own takes some adjusting to. At first there is practical stuff to see to and then it's like braveheart and FREEDOM but after a while when everything else is settled that's when the mundane sets in.

It is possible to miss our old life even when it wasn't great, it just might take a little longer than you thought to fine tune what you've got.

Foggy

jetplane wrote: »

We all have regrets and I'm sure you beat yourself up more in your own head than you need to. Your daughter feels relaxed enough to have a friend stay over so you can't be that bad. If you are a steady kind of person and not a risk taker then this relationship has probably knocked you out of kilter for a while. Also if you have been half of a couple for half of your life then living on your own takes some adjusting to. At first there is practical stuff to see to and then it's like braveheart and FREEDOM but after a while when everything else is settled that's when the mundane sets in.

It is possible to miss our old life even when it wasn't great, it just might take a little longer than you thought to fine tune what you've got.

Nail on head! The practical stuff is my forte and then I had the elation of the freedom, now things are settled I feel a bit lost. I have a busy mind and it's going into overdrive searching for something to get stuck into.

My daughter is happy and relaxed. She spends most of the time with her mum and we have done a good job making sure she feels loved and protected, even if I do say so myself.

This thread has been very therapeutic. I've lost my mojo but it feels like this is temporary now. Thanks again everyone.

Now about that mouldy lino...

Bigmoney2

Sounds to me like you might be a bit depressed.
Lack of motivation is a classic symptom.
Not sure what the answer is though, exercise is meant to help, how about joining a walking group, not as solitary as the gym.

Also sounds like you need to adjust to being single and establish new routines. You need to be proactive and find things to do, rather than reacting to situations/ problems that land on you.

As far as travel is concerned is there anything you'd like to do that you coudn't do with wife and daughter such as train journey across canada, backpacking round europe etc.
As you enjoyed time away with your daughter how about planning some more fun things for the holidays, or learning to do something with her, sailing maybe or indoor climbing or whatever sort of things you both enjoy.
HTH

Four_leaf_clover_2

May I be so bold as to suggest that you aren't bored. More likely is that you are suffering a form of depression. Not to the point where you cant function or be effective day to day. Just that the thought of making changes or moving forward in your life, personally or emotionally feels to much at the moment.

I think your ex relationship probably caused you anxiety and stress that you are still reeling from. For your ex to hope you would lose your daughter is awful. Subconsciously this remark may be holding you back in being able to find happiness in your life for you. I think you are probably bending over backwards right now and putting all your focus into your daughter and her needs. Worrying that if you step back, let go a little, how will you be viewed or thought of.

Let go of feelings of guilt. Your exs way of percieving your relationship with your daughter does not seem correct. Your daughter is living with you, happy to bring her friends home. Has there been any sign from your daughter that your relationship with her is strained or heading in the wrong directions? Talk to her, use some reverse phsycology and get to the bottom of where she is at and how she is feeling. Not easy with kids, granted. Dont try to do it all in one conversation. Just take it steadily.

I think some counselling could do you the world of good. Release any pent up negativity you feel about yourself and your past. Help yourself to come up with strategies to move forward in life confidently and go for things that will ultimately make your apparent easy life a happy and contented one also. Somewhere I think you want to be but wont allow yourself to have at the moment.

Good luck if you have read this far. I have worn myself out with all this waffle and am off to get a cuppa

pink_princess

Foggy wrote: »

Well I used to like going to the football and the cinema, I went to a match the other week and was bored stiff, maybe because the team are rubbish!

I took my daughter away for a few days this month which was great.

I work away through the week with colleagues who I class as friends and we go out on the night, sometimes the theatre mostly just the pub . I go out with friends on Friday and Sunday nights so it's mostly just socializing.

It's true that for years I've always had things to deal with, my own problems and others and now they're gone!

They are rubbish aren't they, lucky draw yesterday

It just sounds like you need more to do in life, you are clearly intelligent & just need a challenge.

So challenge one, sort that mouldy lino

Challenge two, Can you make your daughter something she would like? Maybe decorate her room for her, or design & make a full length mirror perhaps. Us girls love them

Foggy

FLC you may be right. I'll see how things go over the next few weeks and make an appointment with the doc if it doesn't improve.

Princess yes they're not too good but we didn't lose 4-0 so it could have been worse

pink_princess

Foggy wrote: »

FLC you may be right. I'll see how things go over the next few weeks and make an appointment with the doc if it doesn't improve.

Princess yes they're not too good but we didn't lose 4-0 so it could have been worse

OOOHHHH That was below the belt

I was not happy yesterday lol, my husband is a SAFC season ticket holder & took great delight in replaying the goals over & over again. Silly really as I have ways to get him back :rotfl:

barbiedoll

Is there anything that your daughter is "in to" that you could learn about together? Does she like astronomy or science, for instance? Or does she like art or music? You could maybe speak to her and find out what she would love to see or do and do it together. (Warning, this may involve a trip to see One Direction or something equally hideous! :rotfl:)

You sound as though you have been through a hard time, your experiences may help others, perhaps you could train as a debt counsellor, CAB advisor or a Samaritan? My brother was in a similar situation several years ago, he had plenty of money, his business was running itself and he was sitting around twiddling his thumbs all day. He trained as a mediator for neighbour disputes and he also volunteered as a driver at our local hospice.

It's perfectly normal to feel a bit down when there's no drama in your life, humans tend to thrive on stress, even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. See your GP if you feel you need to though, depression can sneak up on you so don't suffer in silence.

Foggy

barbiedoll wrote: »

Is there anything that your daughter is "in to" that you could learn about together? Does she like astronomy or science, for instance? Or does she like art or music? You could maybe speak to her and find out what she would love to see or do and do it together. (Warning, this may involve a trip to see One Direction or something equally hideous! :rotfl:)

You sound as though you have been through a hard time, your experiences may help others, perhaps you could train as a debt counsellor, CAB advisor or a Samaritan? My brother was in a similar situation several years ago, he had plenty of money, his business was running itself and he was sitting around twiddling his thumbs all day. He trained as a mediator for neighbour disputes and he also volunteered as a driver at our local hospice.

It's perfectly normal to feel a bit down when there's no drama in your life, humans tend to thrive on stress, even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. See your GP if you feel you need to though, depression can sneak up on you so don't suffer in silence.

Already have One Direction tickets! Thanks for the advice, this is all a bit new to me so I'm not sure if I'm just at a loose end or it's worse than that.

There's certainly been some food for thought on here.

FBaby

Be careful not to do too much, quantity doesn't forceably mean you will feel better. Also, be careful not to get caught getting all excited about one thing, getting totally hooked up (whatever it is), to the point that the rest of your life takes a big step back. I do agree that having found yourself under the hands of stress and anxiety, you are experiencing the aftermath of the high of finding freedom.

I don't think you are depressed, just at a crossroad, I don't think it justifies seeing your GP, nothing much he can do or say that hasn't been said here. Your best way forward is to take it day by day, be patient, don't expect too much, enjoy all the thing that you have you've worked hard to get. Let the excitment come to you rather than looking desperately for it.

My partner and I were talking the other day about how once you reach a certain age (mid-forty-ish for both of us), it seems that saying all is well means nothing is wrong, a big contrast to our 20s, when life being well was a life full of new stories to tell!!!