I don't have any problems and I'm bored

Four_leaf_clover_2

Foggy wrote: »

I have had debt, I lost a home over it, stress, a toxic relationship, job worries and all of that it's just that everything seems to have changed in the last few months and I'm at a point where there is nothing to stress about.

I've been on a few holidays but I prefer getting out and about in this country. Anyway thanks for all the suggestions.

I think you have one problem actually. Does the fear of experiencing any of the above again restrict you from taking any risks. Rather than it being lethargy could it be a deep rooted anxiety of losing all you have that stops you from making any changes to your life?

Does the thought of letting anyone or anything else in to your life make you think that it could jeopardise what you have?

Beckyy

Get a pet.

jackieb

Do you feel as if you don't deserve to have no real problems? Self flagellation comes to mind. You don't need to punish yourself or try to invent problems for yourself. Just try and be thankful for what you have. I think mentoring as a good idea though.

VfM4meplse

Congratulations! I found myself in a similar position by the age of 30 (no kids though). It's only really in the last year that I started getting pleasure out of small things (like a really well-made cup of coffee, or enjoying time spent reading a novel rather than being on the go all the time) and noticing stuff around me. Before 2011 I would have laughed at people that took time out to "apppreciate" things. Use the luxury of time wisely.

Read this, it'll give you inspiration:

Foggy

I don't think I explained myself very well to start with and the later replies seem to be getting closer to where I'm at. It's so true that having experienced losses that I do have a fear of going there again.

I put my heart and soul into a relationship that was never going to work. To be honest I haven't been single for over 20 years yet I can't imagine sharing my life with another half again after the hell of the last few years.
I don't like taking risks it's true. I've been in the same job for 24 years and have got myself into a position where I have probably reached where I am happy with. I look at my immediate superiors and their job takes over their life. Weekends, long hours and all that. I like the balance I have but it's also true I am not challenged.

My priority is my daughter now who I think was affected by my last relationship so I have some guilt over that. My ex actually said at the end that she hoped 'I would lose my daughter'. I simply cannot believe she said that and I have bitterness about the wasted years over such a cruel and callous person.

Oh dear I'm rambling now. Time to get out of the rut and find some peace and motivation...

kazmeister

Come on Foggy, dont beat yourself up over what happened in the past. You cannot have guilt over your past relationships and how you 'think' they may have affected your daughter. I did that for a while with my son, I tried to compensate for having 'taken him away from his dad' by spending loads on him (and got into debt ) What was important to him was to know that both his mum and dad loved him and that he would spend time with us both. You dont say how old your daughter is but as she has a friend for 'sleepover' I'm guessing not that young but probably not a teen either. Can you do more with her, maybe get involved in a sport together or learn a musical instrument together. Can you get involved in her school at all with the PTA or by becoming a Governer. She will see what a great dad you are and will remember those things as she grows up. You could get involved in charity work together so that she learns to appreciate the difficulties that some people have and will learn to appreciate what she has. Come on do some fun things with your daughter, go make a cake together or something but get off here, which is what I now need to do .............................. good luck

pink_princess

My apologies Foggy, I thought you were just trolling with your first post.

What are your hobbies? Perhaps we can suggest things based around them for you.

onlyroz

Holidays don't have to be exotic - can you take your daughter away somewhere for a bit? Maybe a European tour or something?

FBaby

You need to be clear whether you are bored physically, mentally or psychologically. It doesn't seem to be the first, but I would suspect a bit of the second and a lot of the 3rd.

Mentally, it sounds like your job doesn't challenge you any longer, so you are a bit mentally iddle, which can then affect how you feel psychologically. You've had a lot to think and organise, manage in your life previously, suddenly, there is nothing much left, leaving you feeling inactive.

Psychologically, well, again, it sound like you had quite a bit going on, motivating yourself, planning your life, doing everything to reach goals etc.... now, they have all been reached, at least the ones to plan, everything else is risking what you've worked hard to achieve already....

I know how you feel. Even though I have an extremely busy life, and therefore never physically bored nor mentally in my case, psychologically, I feel a bit loss. All my life has been about pushing my boundaries, proving to myself or others what I was capable of, finding myself suddenly in a situation of just enjoying what I have is new to me.

I am working on it. To start with, reminding myself constantly how lucky I was and that I should be grateful didn't do much but I am getting there, finding it easier to let go of the future and focus on the present. It is a bit odd everytime I do something to tell myself that if and if and if, I wouldn't be there, but I see it as training of the mind. Along this, I do still try to focus on at least 2 goals to achieve. There are much harder to find as again, almost everything I come up with means a big risk of losing what I have which of course I am not prepare to do, but I am finding that it usually means taking smaller steps.

I still go through phases where I feel psychology bored, but thankfully, I am exhausted most of the time which helps not having the energy to think too much about it!!

Foggy

pink_princess wrote: »

My apologies Foggy, I thought you were just trolling with your first post.

What are your hobbies? Perhaps we can suggest things based around them for you.

Well I used to like going to the football and the cinema, I went to a match the other week and was bored stiff, maybe because the team are rubbish!

I took my daughter away for a few days this month which was great.

I work away through the week with colleagues who I class as friends and we go out on the night, sometimes the theatre mostly just the pub . I go out with friends on Friday and Sunday nights so it's mostly just socializing.

It's true that for years I've always had things to deal with, my own problems and others and now they're gone!